


You Don't Know Me

by JLaLa



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Complete, F/M, Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:31:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 72,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JLaLa/pseuds/JLaLa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is not good. I shouldn't be staring so hard at someone who isn't my boyfriend. But, I'll have to learn to deal with the enigma that is Peeta Mellark." Katniss and her boyfriend, Cato, move to Manhattan in search of themselves. But, can Katniss resist the mounting attraction she feels for their new roommate, Peeta Mellark? Modern AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Katniss

Hello—and welcome, welcome to this new story. This is based slightly off of the book, _Thoughtless_ , by S.C. Stephens—but twisted into my own little Everlark world…

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

_“So, sure, I could just close my eyes._   
_Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,_   
_But can you go back once you know…”_

_-Ben Folds feat. Regina Spektor ‘You Don’t Know Me’_

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter One: Katniss_ **

“Honey, wake up.”

Opening my eyes, I turn to see Cato smiling excitedly at me. My body aches from the eight-hour drive from our last stop somewhere in Maryland. Groaning, I sit up and realize that we are actually in Manhattan as our tiny VW Beetle passes Grand Central Station.

“I can’t believe that we’re actually here,” I tell him as I look out the window.

“We’re living the high life, baby!” Cato responds in excitement. His hand reaches for mine and his thumb caresses my knuckles. “And by high life, I mean sharing a flat with Gale’s former roommate…”

I chuckle at the sudden drop in his tone. “The guy can’t be that bad. I mean he tolerated Gale—asshole that he was.”

Gale has been our friend since Kindergarten. He, Cato, and I were all put at the same table. During art time, Gale swiped my yellow crayon—and I smacked him in the face. Cato tried to take the blame which ended up with all three of us sitting in the corner for a time-out.

We’ve been friends ever since.

In time, however, Cato and I transitioned into more. He had been my first crush, my first kiss, my first date, and my first…everything else.

Gale was the wide-eyed wanderer and when we all graduated, he had made a quick decision to go NYU to pursue his journalism degree while Cato and I decided to attend Panem University, our local college, together.

My best friend, who could’ve been related to me due to our similar coloring, scoffed when we told him our decision.

“Boring,” Gale declared. “You two will never leave Panem.” He looked to Cato. “You’ll use your photography degree to work at Sears and take Easter photos.” Then, Gale looked to me. “You’ll never work on your music. You’ll just spend your days popping out kids.”

He meant it as a joke but Gale could have a fucked-up sense of humor sometimes.

Four years later, Gale is off to London to work as an international correspondent for the _New York Times_. Cato had been offered a position as a photo editor for an online travel magazine based in Manhattan.

Job offers have been scarce for me. I guess that’s what you get for getting a degree in music.

So when Cato told me about his offer and asked me to move with him to Manhattan, I said yes.

“I think that you’ll get along with Peeta,” Cato informs me. “He’s a musician and is pretty popular in the club circuit so Gale said that we would never not have anywhere to go.”

He begins to pull into a parking space in front of a large brick building as I look down at my cell phone.

Prim, my little sister, is probably still asleep. There’s a three-hour difference and it’s only five in the morning in Panem. My Dad might be up as he has to open our grocery store for deliveries.

“You okay?” I look up to see Cato staring, his light eyes concerned. “Are you nervous about Juilliard?”

“Maybe a little,” I tell him. Sighing, I give him a half-smile. “What if I don’t belong here?”

“Then we can go back home,” Cato assures me. He leans out of his seat and gives me a kiss. “But, I know you, Katniss. You’ve never backed down on a challenge and I think that going to graduate school in New York is going to expose you to a lot of great things.”

Cato always knows what to say to comfort me.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and push myself over the shift space to give him another kiss. “You’re my hero, you know.”

My boyfriend gives me handsome smile. “Katniss, you’ve never needed to be saved.”

++++++

Walking out of the elevator, I don’t realize that there’s a slight gap in the floor and I pitch forward—the box in my hands.

“HOLY SHIT!” Someone yells as the box flies out of my grasp.

I can see myself about to hit the floor and instinctively, I close my eyes.

But, I don’t hit the floor.

Instead, I’m engulfed in the scent of warm bread loaves as strong arms encircle my waist.

Opening my eyes, I’m greeted with warm blue eyes and a handsome face staring down at me.

“That could’ve been really bad,” he says in a quiet voice.

My eyes look to the box on the ground next to us, its content spilt forward.

“Well, that box had all my underwear in it and the floor is covered in bras,” I respond.

He chuckles at my words and his hand reaches to move away a tendril of hair swept across my face.

“You’re funny,” the man tells me. “What’s your name?”

I’m a little breathless looking into his eyes, cornflower blue and full of depth. His hair is dirty blond, much darker than Cato’s and his sculpted face draws down to a strong chin that cradles his bright smile.

He’s beautiful.

“My name…” My mouth feels full of cotton. “My name is—”

“KATNISS!” I hear Cato’s rushed steps towards me and the man still holding me in his arms. When he reaches us, his and the man’s eyes meet. “What happened to her?”

“Tripped over the gap in the elevator,” the man informs Cato.

Together, he and Cato help me to my feet.

“Glad you came to her rescue, Peeta,” Cato says to him. My boyfriend looks around at the underwear spilt down the floor hallway. “Though it looks like the box didn’t make it.”

“Geez, I’m embarrassed enough,” I say as I recover and turn to look at the man in front of me wearing the fitted dark jeans and white v-neck. Holding out my hand to Peeta, I meet him square in the eyes. “Katniss Everdeen.”

He takes my hand to give it a gentle squeeze and I feel a comfort radiating through me.

“Peeta Mellark.” His hold lingers for a moment as we stare at one another. “Welcome to Manhattan.”

“Thanks,” I reply and slowly our hands pull apart.

There’s a buzz coming from his jeans pocket and Peeta pulls out his phone. He groans before giving us another smile.

“Gotta go. I work at a bakery two blocks down and our flour shipment is here,” Peeta explains. “Make yourselves at home. I don’t have much in the fridge but beer. There’s a deli market across the street if you want to grab something.”

“Thanks Peeta,” Cato tells him jovially.

“I’ll see you at Haymitch’s around six for a welcome drink and introduce you both to the crew,” he tells my boyfriend. Leaning down, Peeta reaches and grabs the black lace bra at his feet. Placing it in my hands, he winks at me before opening the gate of the elevator to step into it. “Stay on your feet, Katniss.”

I nod wordlessly, trying to keep the heat from rising once again.

“Nice guy, right?” Cato says as we begin to gather my underwear to put it back into the box.

“Yeah…nice,” I respond, still remembering the warmth and smell of Peeta Mellark.

++++++

Rough lips caress my neck and a moan escapes my mouth. Slowly I come to, remembering that Cato and I had fallen asleep after getting all my boxes. We didn’t even bother putting sheets on our mattress.

“What time is it?” I ask Cato as he nips on the soft flesh of my ear. Pressing against him, I feel him hard against the thin cloth of my pajama pants.

“5:30,” he responds as his hand wanders to my front and under my tank top. “Do we have time?”

His fingers are teasing my nipples to peaks and my lower half twists, fully awakened and aching to be touched.

I turn to him, throwing a leg over his hip to draw him closer to me. “We can be quick…”

Cato grins and lies back so I can fully straddle him. His hands go to my hips and I shift to feel his cock straining in his jeans.

There’s a knock on the door. “Cato? Katniss?” Peeta’s voice calls out from outside the door. “Got home early from my shift. You still down to go to Haymitch’s?”

My boyfriend meets my eyes and I nod in acceptance as I get off of him.

Cato turns to the door. “Give us five minutes!”

“You don’t think that he heard us, do you?” I ask as I reach into one of the boxes to pull out a pair of jeans.

“We just have to get used to having a roommate, sweetheart,” Cato says to me. “It’ll be fine—and I’m sure in time we’re all going to get along.”

“Fine,” I tell him as I reach to grab my hairbrush from another open box. I give him a smile. “This job better pay you some serious cash, sweetie. Because I don’t know if I can take having to be quiet during…you know.”

Standing up, Cato walks over to me. “Well, you’ll just have to practice.” Sinking down to his knees, his hands reach down to the elastic of my pajama pants to pull them off along with my panties. I stand before him, my lower half exposed to his gaze.

I’m throbbing, hurting to have his mouth on me. “What are you doing?”

“Five minute lesson,” Cato tells me as his lips are pressed to my inner thigh. “On how to be silent in such a small space.”

++++++

Haymitch’s bar is five blocks down from our apartment building. On our way there, Peeta points out the bakery that he works at during the day as an assistant to Mags, who owns the hole-in-the-wall patisserie. He tells us that most of the people who work at the bar are students who go to NYU with the exception of Johanna, who is actually the business manager.

“I think that Haymitch might be plowing her too—but don’t mention that to either of them,” Peeta says as we get closer to our destination. He’s changed out of his white v-neck and is now in a black shirt and brown leather bomber jacket. “Also, you’re going to meet Madge, who Gale had a bit of a thing with before he skipped town.”

“He mentioned Madge,” I tell Peeta. Often, Cato and I would get drunken phone calls from him spouting out the beauty of Madge Undersee. “He likes her more than he’s letting on.”

Entering the bar, several voices shout out to Peeta and he waves to everyone before going to the bar. A tall, dark-haired man wearing a ratty shirt stands behind it, cleaning beer glasses. As we reach the bar, he reaches out to shake Peeta’s hand.

“Picking up strays?” The man asks with a smirk.

“No, since Gale’s abandoned the bar in favor of pubs,” Peeta starts. “He helped a starving artist out and brought me a duo. This is Cato and Katniss.”

“The photographer and the musician,” Haymitch says. “You two any good?”

“I just got a job working for an online magazine as their editor,” Cato informs the man. “And, Katniss is going to Julliard because she’s brilliant.”

Haymitch looks to me, a smirk on his scruffy face. “So, Miss Juilliard—are you going to perform for us?”

“I don’t know,” I tell him. There is something in me that immediately trusts him despite his surliness. “Depends, really.”

“On what?” The question comes from Peeta.

I meet his deep blues unwaveringly. “Convince me. You have to _really_ want it.”

Peeta doesn’t respond though his eyes rove over me for a moment before he looks to Haymitch.

“I’m going to need some welcome shots for my new roommates.”

A slender woman with dark bobbed hair joins Haymitch from the back part of the bar.

“Those better not be on the house,” she warns the man. “We have enough hard times ever since we lost Delly to married life. We can’t be giving away free drinks.”

“YES WOMAN!” Haymitch shouts though there’s a wisp of a smile on his lips. “Now let me pour in peace!”

“This is Johanna,” Peeta says to Cato and me.

The infamous Johanna shakes our hands, her eyes looking us over. “You two a couple?”

Cato put an affectionate arm around me. “Been together since we were kids.”

“I can tell,” Johanna scoffs. “You two almost look identical.”

Something about her words bothers me. I think it’s the fact that even though I’m with Cato, I don’t want to always be associated as just _his_ girl. It was like that in Panem—and I didn’t want it to be that way in Manhattan.

This was as much of a journey of self-discovery for me as it is for Cato.

Soon, we’re joined by the rest of Peeta’s friends—Thresh, who is a history major at NYU, Finnick, a law student and his fiancée, Annie, who runs a small boutique in SoHo and then Madge, Gale’s sort-of flame, who is also a waitress here at the bar.

“She looks like Gale’s type,” Cato remarks with a smile as we look at the pretty blonde, who is serving a group of bowlers some beers in the corner of the bar.

“Hey Cato!” Thresh calls out to my boyfriend. “Can you recommend a good camera for night shots?”

Cato turns to me. “Do you mind?” I shake my head and he gives me a quick kiss before going to Thresh’s table where the man sits with Finnick and Annie.

I look around the room at the lively bar, watching the people around me having a great time. I feel completely lost. For a moment, I panic. Am I going to fit in? Everyone seems to have carved their own little niche—even Cato.

“Having fun?” I turn to see Peeta standing next to me.

“It’s…different.” My eyes continue to look over the scene in front of me. “Panem is a small town. I need to get used to Manhattan—and its hugeness.”

“Come on, you’re going to Juilliard,” The boy who smells of bread says to me. “That’s pretty cool!”

“Yeah.” I smile to myself. “Since I was a kid, I always made up these silly songs and performed them. Sometimes, I’d even make Cato or Gale perform with me. Hopefully one day, I’ll get to do what I enjoy for a living. For now, I just need to find a part time job and focus on Juilliard.”

“I can help you with one of those things,” Peeta says to me. The warmth of the bar has tinted his cheeks with a slight blush. He turns to Haymitch and Johanna, who are arguing over how much should go into a shot. “I found your new waitress.” His hand goes to my back to lead me forward. “Hire Katniss.”

“You have any experience?” Johanna asks.

“I served drinks at a smoothie bar one summer,” I tell her.

Johanna doesn’t look convinced.

“Start next Monday at 4:00—and Madge will show you the ropes,” Haymitch suddenly says to me.

I’m in shock over the swiftness of it all.

“Really?”  The man nods before going back to his argument with Johanna. Turning to Peeta, I beam at him. “Thank you. I really needed a job.”

Peeta smiles handsomely, his heated eyes on mine.

“Of course, we’re roommates. We have to take care of each other.”

++++++

_Two Weeks Later…_

“China?” I repeat. “Wow.”

I sit down on our bed in shock. Cato joins me and takes my hand.

“I can turn it down,” he tells me. “I know that it’s awfully quick—”

“No!” I say to him. “This is your first assignment and you should go. I just didn’t think that it would be so soon.” Taking a deep breath, I give him an assuring smile. “I’ll have a lot of things to keep me preoccupied so the time will pass quickly.”

We still haven’t finished unpacking. Also, classes start in a week and I’ve also been filling my time with shifts at the bar. I continue to list all the things for me to do in my head to keep myself from coming to terms with the fact that Cato will be leaving for a cross-country journey for a whole month.

And, that I will be all alone.

“What are you thinking?” Cato whispers into my ear. I turn to meet those sweet blue eyes. I haven’t been able to lie to Cato since we were kids. He could always tell that I was keeping something from him.

“A month,” I say to him. “A lot can happen in a month.”

“I’m going to be traveling in a rickety old van and climbing to temples,” Cato replies. “You’re going to be in school and at work. The time will pass and before you know it—I’m going to be home and in your arms.”

Together, we lay back on the soft mattress and I’m spooned against Cato. His heart beats against my back and press myself into him to memorize those beats coming from his firm chest.

“It’s going to be boring here,” I whine.

“Is that your way of saying you’re going to miss me?” Cato asks and I chuckle at his teasing words. Before long, he is laying me on my back to press his lips to mine. My arms encircle around his neck as he urgently begins to tug at the leggings I wear. “Promise that you will.”

My legs part eagerly as soon as Cato throws my leggings, along with my panties, to the ground—and then, he is thrusting quickly into me. My back arches as the pleasure spikes up my chest and causes my nipples to tighten.

“I’ll miss you…and this…” I tell him as his hand reaches to yank my shirt up and his lips go immediately to a rosy peak. “More…please!” My eyes meet his and I’m surprised at the tenderness in his. His eyes usually go feral during our lovemaking. “Make me forget that you’re leaving…”

I’m surprised by the sadness in my voice; I’ve never been a sentimentalist.

Cato slows and he kisses me, hooking my leg over his hip. “I’m going to make sure that you never forget this moment, Katniss.” He begins to pick up his pace. “Because when I come back, we’re going to have a talk about us. You’re it for me—no one else. You just have to remember that every day that I’m gone.”

The words don’t seem real. I know I love Cato, but this all feels likes too much.

So instead of responding, I put my hand to the nape of his neck to silence him once more with my kiss.

++++++

“I’ll call as soon as I land,” Cato assures me, two days later.

It’s nearly sundown as I walk him out to his cab. I try to smile at his excitement but I’m disheartened by it, too. This whole Manhattan move was something that we were supposed to experience together.

“Be safe,” I tell him and my arms reach to wrap around his neck to pull him in for a kiss. “Don’t fall in love with any cute tour guides.”

Cato chuckles. “Don’t go falling in love with anyone, either.” His eyes look over my shoulder. “Make sure of that for me, Peeta!” I turn to see our roommate walking over to us; his shift at the bakery must have just ended. “Make sure none of those Juilliard boys get near my girl.”

We separate so that he can shake Peeta’s hand.

“Katniss will be fine,” Peeta assures him. His eyes wander over to me and he gives me a smile. “She’s a lot braver than she thinks.”

“Don’t I know it,” Cato replies. “I better go. I have to meet my team at JFK in an hour.” Kissing me one last time, he hops into his cab and I watch it speed away until it disappears down the block.

“I mean it.” Turning, I see Peeta beside me. “You’re a lot braver than you think.”

“You don’t know me,” I say to him. “So how would you know how brave I can be?”

“Just have a feeling about you,” Peeta tells me. “Like you’re just on the verge of finding what makes you…you.” He gives me a smile. “When it does, I hope I’m there to see it.”

I nod before looking out into the direction where Cato’s cab disappeared.

Finally, I look to him. “Before that happens, do you want to grab something to eat?”

Peeta stares at me for a moment before a bright grin breaks out on his lips. He looks much younger when he smiles that way and something in me stirs at seeing it.

This is not good. I shouldn’t be staring so hard at someone who isn’t my boyfriend.

But, I’ll have to learn to deal with the enigma that is Peeta Mellark.

Because, he is my roommate—and right now, my only friend in Manhattan.

“Sure,” he responds. “Do you like pizza?”

I snort. “You really don’t know me,” I say. My lips rise in a proud smile. “I can eat a whole pizza by myself!”

He puts an arm around me and leads me down the block. “Now this I have to see.”

* * *

 

Just a new little something I’m working on. This began as “Last Words” prompt and now has spiraled into this.

Like all of my trademark fics, the title comes from a song—from one of my favorite artists, Ben Folds.

It’s going to be a difficult process to Everlark, I assure you.

As always, comments, reviews and hellos, are always welcomed.

Next, Chapter Two: Peeta

Till Then, JLaLa


	2. Peeta

Thank you so much for your follows, favorites, kudos, and reviews—love them all!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Two: Peeta_ **

_One Week Later…_

Slowly, I wake up from my dream, the last pictures of dark hair and meadows disappearing as my eyes open.

Looking down, the redhead that I met last night sleeps soundly on my bare chest.

I really shouldn’t have drunk so much.

As I come to, I quietly move her off of me and get out of the small bed. She lives in a studio in Hell’s Kitchen and it’s early enough for me to catch the train home before Katniss wakes up. Nothing is worse than doing the walk of shame in front of someone who’s in a committed relationship.

“Where you going?” I turn as I button up my jeans to see the green-eyed girl sitting up in bed, her sheets wrapped around herself and her smile teasing. “I thought I’d make breakfast.”

I give her a smile. “Can’t, sweetheart. Gotta get home to my wife.” The girl’s face slowly pales at my words. “She doesn’t like it if I’m late because we have to take the kids to school.”

“You’re married?” she asks incredulously.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her. I can be a great actor when I need to be. Telling them I’m married usually freaks them out or turns them on even more. “I love my wife, but when I have too much to drink…”

I’m guessing by the look on her face that the first thing is happening.

“At least you’re being honest,” the girl says to me, her eyes upset. “You should probably go now.”

“Yeah, I should.” I give her a quick kiss. “It was nice meeting you…”

Shit—I can’t remember her name.

And, she can tell because her eyes suddenly narrow. “Vanessa. My name is Vanessa.”

“Yes.” I nod at her. “It was nice meeting you, Vanessa.”

I leave before she notices that I don’t even have a wedding band.

++++++

When I finally get home, I’m greeted by a pretty pathetic sight.

Katniss is sitting on our couch, eating ice cream, and crying over some romantic movie.

She looks up at me as I step into our living room and I have to appreciate the fact that, even in a pair of old sweats, a loose t-shirt, and no makeup, Katniss is the most beautiful woman I know.

I’ll admit that I’m attracted to her—very much so.

But, she’s loyal—another admirable thing about her.

“This is just sad.” I join her on the couch and take the carton of ice cream from her hands. Taking the spoon, I grab a taste of strawberry ice cream before she can fully finish it. “It’s the weekend and you’re sitting indoors watching some movie where they’re—” I look at the screen. “—rowing?”

“It’s _The Notebook_ ,” she says in a hoarse voice and grabs the carton from me. “Also, why are you eating from my spoon? You just came home and I don’t know where your mouth has been!”

“Curious?” I tease and she blushes at my words.

God, Katniss is even more beautiful with that slight rosiness on her olive skin.

She meets my eyes boldly. “And, if I am? Would you tell me the truth?”

I stare right back at her, admiring those almond-shaped smoky eyes. “I would never lie to you.”

Katniss tilts her head as she tries to read me. Her hair is in a long, thick braid over her shoulder and I resist the urge to touch the tip of it.

“Then, where were you last night?” she asks.

“I had a gig at a club near NYU,” I start and try to draw up the hazy memory from my still hung over head. “She was sitting in the front row with two of her friends and by the end of my set, she was alone. So, I went home with her.”

Katniss takes the carton of ice cream and reaches over to the coffee table where a bunch of napkins lay. She cleans the spoon carefully and I grin at her fastidiousness.

Scooping a chunk from the carton, Katniss slips the spoon into her mouth. “Was she mad when you left?”

I stare as she slowly draws the spoon from between her lips and begins to lick any remnants of leftover ice cream from it. Katniss is methodical; her small tongue dragging against the rounded surface of the spoon making sure that she has cleaned every last bit off.

I have to wonder if she’s the same way when she—

“Peeta?”

I shake myself out of my trance and realize that I have been completely silent.

“Sorry, love,” I tell her. “I guess I’m still shaking off the alcohol. No, she wasn’t mad.” I grin at her. “Because, I told her I was married.”

Katniss snorts and reaches behind her to hit me with a throw pillow. “You’re such a little turd!”

“But, I’m your favorite one,” I retort. Looking around, I can see that the curtains are still drawn and that there’s an actual pillow on the couch. “Did you sleep out here?”

Katniss looks at me guiltily. “You didn’t come home and Cato isn’t here. I’m not used to being home alone. My sister Prim and I slept in the same room, and then it was me and Cato. You usually come home after your shift at the bakery…but you didn’t.”

There’s a sincerity to her words and it warms me. “Were you worried about me?”

“Of course, I worry,” she tells me. “You’re my friend and roommate. But, I’m just a small-town girl and I’m not used to your nocturnal ways. I’ll assume next time that if you don’t come home that you’ve found other company.”

I shake my head. “Next time, I’ll call or text.”

“You don’t have to,” she protests.

“I’ll call,” I promise her.

Katniss nods after a moment and then looks back to the TV screen. I settle next to her to watch the cute redhead and the bearded man argue with each other as they’re soaked by torrential rain.

“They’re going to make out now,” I suddenly say.

My pretty roommate looks to me. “How do you know?”

“That’s how these movies usually go.” Turning off the television, I give her my best smile. Something inside of me can’t stand to see Katniss sitting here alone with ice cream and a sappy movie. “Let’s get out of here.”

“I don’t really feel like going out,” she says to me. “Plus, I’ve seen the basics of Manhattan—I can’t take another walk in Central Park!”

“Get dressed,” I tell her. “I’ll take you somewhere that I’m sure you’ve never seen.”

++++++

“Where are we?” Katniss asks as we step out of Thresh’s 4-Runner.

He was nice enough to let me borrow it for the day after I explained how I needed to rescue my roommate from drowning herself in a carton of Dreyer’s Ice Cream. As Thresh handed me the keys, I could see that he was suspicious of my intentions. I can’t really blame him; I’m not the best when it comes to women.

The truth is I’m not always the nicest of people to them.

But, there is something different about Katniss. Maybe, it’s because she doesn’t really know me as that kind of person. To her, I’m her roommate and friend. Without even really knowing me, she thinks that I’m a good person.

Truthfully, I want her to see me that way.

“Connecticut,” I tell her as we walk out into the field of the large park. “You slept for a majority of the trip so the three hours pretty much flew by.”

She chuckles and I take in a breath hearing the lithe of her laugh.

“Something about the vibration of the car soothes me,” Katniss says as she takes in the red and gold of autumn. The meadow is gilded and the surrounding trees are full of auburn leaves that glow in the afternoon sun. “Why here?”

“It’s one of my favorite places,” I reply. “I used to come here as a kid with my family.” I hold up the basket to her. “We’d have lunch here and just hang out.”

She reaches forward and gives me a quick hug. “Thanks for taking me here.”

As we pull apart, my mind whirrs over her scent; fresh with that slight undertone of flowers.

“It’s no big deal,” I say as we continue down the small dirt path. Katniss rushes ahead, her green flannel flowing behind her and giving me peeks of a firm bottom in fitted jeans. “Sometimes when I was stressed over finals, I’d come here and just take a nap or play my guitar.”

We settle down on a smoother part of the grass and I spread out a blanket before putting down the basket. Katniss helps me pull out our lunch—bottled waters, sandwiches, and pastries that I made at Mags’ bakery.

“Where did you go to school?” she asks as she opens a bottled water and hands it to me.

I take a quick gulp before answering, “Yale.”

Her eyes widen at my words. “Yale?”

“Didn’t think I went to college, did you?” Katniss looks away for a moment. “It’s okay—I don’t usually go touting the fact that I went to an Ivy League school. It kind of ruins the whole starving musician persona.”

She finally meets my eyes. “I know you’re smart and I’m sorry if I made assumptions.”

“It really is okay,” I assure her. “I went because it was what my Mom wanted. She’s a little demanding.”

“So you graduated and decided to become a musician instead,” she concludes. “Why?”

“Because I did the corporate thing and it didn’t work out,” I tell her. “I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. It wasn’t me and I was unhappy.” Looking out at the rich field, I let the words fall out of my mouth. “I worked as an analyst for a year in Midtown and it all felt meaningless. I felt meaningless and I began to drink—in the office and after work. That’s when I met Haymitch, who basically kicked me out of the bar one night after I tried to feel up one of the waitresses.”

That was two years ago and I’m still ashamed of the memory. Poor Madge is still suspicious of me and Johanna won’t give me much to drink.

“I rarely drink anymore,” I tell her. “Last night was the first time that I’ve gotten that drunk.”

“And, you paid for it with meaningless sex,” Katniss replies bluntly. She looks out into the field. “I could never understand why people think that making love is such an easy thing to just happen.”

“Because not everyone is like you and Cato,” I say to her. “It’s not ‘making love’ to a lot of people, it’s just fucking.”

“Then, that’s a sad way to live,” she replies as she looks to me, her eyes soft. “Because it’s different when it’s with someone that you love.”

“What’s the best part of being in a relationship?” I ask curiously.

Katniss is silent for a moment and I wait in anticipation, watching as the slight breeze plays with her wavy hair. She looks so beautiful and pure.

For a moment, I let myself pretend that she’s my girl—that I’m taking her on a date and somewhere hidden in the picnic basket is a velvet box with a ring made just for her.

“Waking up and turning to see that person next to you,” Katniss says, her arms wrapped around herself and her eyes far off. “You feel so protected from the world, just you and that person—in your bed. It’s not easy to just fall asleep with just anyone beside you. You have to have a lot of trust in someone to let them see you in that kind of relaxed state.”

“That’s true,” I respond in agreement. “It’s hard to just let anyone see you snore or drool.”

“Or, without makeup,” she adds with another laugh.

It’s at the tip of my tongue to mention that I’ve seen her without makeup.

But, nothing will come of that.

So, I keep silent.

++++++

Katniss is rushing back to the blanket, her long hair flying behind her as I pull out my guitar. She spotted my case before we got out of the car and before leaving to explore the rest of the meadow demanded that I get it.

I realize that she has never seen me perform and remind myself to invite her to my next gig.

“What did you bring me, Princess?” I ask as she sits down next to me.

Shaking her head at the nickname, she pulls out a bunch of orange and red flowers with dark bulbous middles. “They’re Helenium.”

“They look like daisies.” I adjust the guitar strings, plucking at them as I tune. “Do you know what they mean?”

“Yeah…they mean tears.” I look up and Katniss grins. She holds up a hand, palm facing me. “I swear it’s true.”

“Oh Jesus—get those depressing flowers away from me,” I tell her. “You’re messing up the vibe, Katniss!”

Laughing, she tosses the flowers away. “Fine, they’re gone!” Katniss turns back to me. “Now, play.”

“You’re bossy,” I tell her. “But, it’s endearing—and sexy.”

Katniss rolls her eyes at my words.

“I know what I want,” she simply responds.

My fingers begin to strum out a tune all their own and I hum a bit as I try to remember the song.

Suddenly, the sweetest voice begins to sing, _“Oooh ooohh my my….I'm learning to fly…”_ I look up in surprise to see Katniss fiddling with her hair as she croons. Her voice is steady, strong, and melodic—there’s a little bit of Ingrid Michaelson in her. _“Hey…hey what's that you're saying…let’s not forget we're alive…”_

I harmonize the last sentence with her and my fingers stop so I could stare at her in shock.

“Wow,” I breathed out as our eyes meet. “You’re amazing.” Her face goes scarlet as I sputter out my words. “I mean—your voice.”

“I’m supposed to be listening to you,” Katniss tells me as we both regain ourselves.

There is a magic to singing with her—an electricity between us that I don’t think either of us want to admit.

“Sorry,” I say as I look down at my guitar. My fingers go to the strings once more, still feeling that strange tingle of hearing her voice.

Clearing my throat, I start to sing, trying to forget that Katniss is watching me.

_“I wish you smelled a little funny_   
_Not just funny really bad_   
_We could roam the streets forever_   
_Just like cats but we’d never stray_   
_I sometimes wish you were a mermaid_   
_I could raise you in the tub at home_   
_We could take a swim together_   
_On weekly day trips to the bay…”_

“I thought I was the only person who knew Milow,” Katniss says with a soft smile.

“It’s one of my favorite songs,” I admit as I continue to play the tune. “This song is how imagine being in love is like.”

Katniss looks down at her lap. “That’s an interesting way to interpret it.” She suddenly meets my eyes. “But, I agree.”

“Sing with me,” I tell her. “Just the chorus.”

She peers at me, “Why?”

Because when we sing, I feel every part of me come to life.

“Because, we sound good together,” I tell her instead. “And, it’s not every day that I find someone who knows most of the music that I like.”

Katniss gives me an agreeing nod and I start the song from the chorus.

After a moment, she joins me and it’s as if even the birds have stopped singing to listen to us.

_“Oh you and me_   
_It would be only you and me_   
_Oh you and me_   
_It would be only you and me…”_

++++++

My eyes open seeing dark hair and a meadow in front of me.

It’s that dream again.

Suddenly, there’s a shuffle and Katniss turns to face me in her sleep. She blows out a small breath from her rose-colored lips before they curl up in a smile.

I lay next to her, the tips of our pinkies just almost touching. The anticipation of just that chance to press our little bit of skin to one another has my heart racing. There’s definitely something going on with me.

In only one day, Katniss Everdeen has managed to turn everything I’ve ever believe in relationships upside down.

This can’t be good.

Waking up to her feels right.

 I feel protected, safe, and lo—

“Fuck,” I say under my breath as I stare at the sleeping woman in front of me and let the harsh, selfish realization set in.

I want Katniss for myself.

* * *

 

Still getting there…but I really love their repertoire.

I can’t really say as to when they will get together.

I suggest listening to these two songs—because they’re both awesome:

“Beautiful Day”-Joshua Radin

“You and Me (In My Pocket)”-Milow—this is actually my husband and my song.

Oh, and also some Ingrid Michaelson because she’s my favorite voice.

Next, Chapter Three: Katniss—one week later

Till then, JLaLa


	3. Katniss

Thank you for all of your reviews, follows, favorites, and kudos! Now onward!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Three: Katniss_ **

“Monday, baby!” Cato tells me cheerfully over the phone. “Can’t wait to come home and see you. I’ve been missing you.”

I cradle the phone to my cheek, happy to hear his voice. “Miss you, too. It’s been a long month.”

“How are you? Keeping busy?” Cato’s voice is full of concern. “I hope that you haven’t been working too hard at Haymitch’s.”

“No, nothing like that,” I assure him. “School’s been keeping me busy. I have a great music composition teacher. His name is Beetee—used to play cello in the London Symphony.”

“Sounds like you’ve found a mentor,” my boyfriend says. “And, how’s Peeta?”

I bite my lip trying not to betray the slight hitch in my voice. “He’s been out…a lot.”

Since our day in Connecticut, Peeta has been MIA from the apartment. Despite this, he will always text and tell me that he’s alright so I won’t worry. However, I can tell that he is avoiding me and I’m not sure why.

The thought that I’ve done something to offend him hurts.

Because, I do like Peeta—as a friend and a roommate.

“Gale alluded that Peeta was kind of a lady’s man,” Cato says through the garbled phone line. “Why don’t you try cooking your famous pot roast? Bribe him to talk to you. It’s possible that he’s not used to having an encouraging female figure in his life. His Mom was kind of strict on him—not the mothering type, according to Gale.”

I nod to myself. That would make sense. Peeta did say that his mother was tough, expecting too much and all.

But, there’s another part of me that is still hurt that he’s pushed me away.

However, Cato’s advice always seems to make sense.

“You’re right,” I finally say. “I’ll try to catch him and talk to him about what’s going on. It’s getting late. I better get down to Dean & DeLuca for groceries. I wonder if I should grab a taxi or get on the A train…”

“You’re sounding like a real New Yorker now!” I can hear the smile in my boyfriend’s voice. “Good luck—I love you.”

“Love you, too,” I tell him before hanging up.

Grabbing my keys and wallet, I throw on my favorite burgundy zip-up and head for the door.

It doesn’t occur to me until I’m sitting in my train seat that Cato has basically told me to go on a semi-date with Peeta.

There was no tinge of jealousy.

And, I’m bothered by it.

++++++

I emerge from the kitchen when I hear the sound of the door unlocking. Peeta walks in just as I step out into the entry hallway.

When our eyes meet, he manages to give me a half-smile.

It’s been this way since that afternoon in Connecticut when I woke up from a nap to a completely different man. I remember opening my eyes and seeing him sitting up, knees up to his chest and his back hunched as if he had just woken up from a completely heartbreaking dream.

And, I sat up almost wanting to reach over to him. To tell him that everything would be alright. To tell him that nightmares aren’t real.

In the real world, however, that is never the case.

“Hi,” I greet him softly.

“Hey…” Peeta shuffles awkwardly before putting his messenger bag down. “…I’m really tired so I’m just going to go to bed—”

“I made dinner for us,” I interrupt before he can run away. “To apologize for our bad month. I know that I’ve been a complete nightmare—crying all over the place and eating everything in sight. Let’s not forget the movies…”

“Your horrible taste in movies,” he suddenly says and a crooked grin appears on his lips.

I realize how much I’ve missed it.

“So to make up for it, I made you my pot roast.” Taking his hand, I lead him to the set table in our small dining space next to the living room. “You have a seat and I’ll get our plates.”

Peeta looks up at me for a moment, his blue eyes full of something that I can’t really decipher.

And, that something gives me a reason to keep looking into them.

This is supposed to be a friendly dinner. More and more, however, it is becoming more of a date.

After a moment, I go to the kitchen and take the plates on the counter. I got a little overzealous at Dean & DeLuca and ended up grabbing potatoes as well as haricots vert. So not only is there pot roast but actual mashed potatoes and sautéed green beans.

When I place the dish in front of Peeta, he looks up at me in amazement. “You made this?”

I set my plate down before sitting next to him. “Don’t be so surprised,” I admonish. “My Dad worked nights and sometimes it was just my sister, Prim, and I. So someone had to cook dinner.”

“What about your mom?” Peeta asks.

I clear my throat before responding, “She died—when I was fifteen.”

“Oh shit—I’m sorry, Katniss.” Peeta reaches over to place his hand over mine. “Gale never really talked much about anything else but you and Cato. He never really mentioned any of your families.”

Giving him a smile, I use my free hand to take a sip of water.

“It’s fine,” I say. “It was a car accident—and it was quick.” My breath constricts in my throat. “I like to think that she just closed her eyes and it was over.” I take another breath to calm the tears rising from my chest. “But, that’s the story behind why I can cook decently.”

“It’s a good story,” Peeta says softly, his blue eyes apologetic.

“Peeta,” I begin tentatively. “Why have you been avoiding me?”

He looks away for a moment after my question.

Finally, Peeta turns to me. “I feel like I shared too much,” he tells me simply.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’m not good with letting people in,” Peeta continues. “I wasn’t raised to be so open with my feelings—because it made you look weak. My family was more of a human structure than an actual family. I was taught that one weak link could ruin you—and I was always considered the weak link.”

“By your mother?” I ask and he looks surprised at my words. “Gale hinted something about her before—but not much.”

“My mother is a strict woman,” he says. “Yes, we were allowed to do things like hang out in the field but after that we were back in our rooms studying—my brother, sister, and I.”

I sit back in my chair. “I didn’t know you had a brother and sister.”

Peeta nods and gives me a smile. “Yeah, Jax, my brother, is the firstborn. He just turned thirty and has a small law firm in my hometown. Rowe is my sister—the second born and is manager for a small boutique in upper New York about a half hour away from my family’s home.”

“Rowe?” I repeat in curiosity.

“Short for Rowena,” he tells me. “You would like her. She’s a character and actually a lot of her personality is from my mother, though a toned-down version.”

“And, what about your mother?” I ask him.

“She’s tough.” Peeta gives me a wry smile. “And, I’m her biggest disappointment.”

“I think every child feels like that,” I offer though I know how incredibly lame it sounds.

“No. She’s told me to my face.” He looks out in front of us at the opposite wall. “Mercy—it’s going to be a long weekend.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have to go home on Sunday,” Peeta informs me. “It’s my Dad’s birthday.”

“Did you want me to come with you?”

Wait—did that just come out of my mouth?

I don’t know if it’s the fact that Peeta’s revealing so much of his life to me or because I don’t want to spend my weekend with a carton of Ben and Jerry’s, but I feel like in some way Peeta needs me to be there.

“Would you?” he responds.

“Sure.” I give him a smile. “Maybe I can play your really annoying girlfriend and your mother will hate me more than you.”

Peeta snorts at the thought. “We’ll see.” Taking his fork, he takes a bite of my pot roast and his eyes light up. “I hope you’re planning to make this every week. It’s delicious.”

It’s nice to see him look so content. I never realized how much I looked forward to seeing him so happy.

And, though the thought of it should bug me, it doesn’t.

Nor does the fact that through a majority of the meal, Peeta’s hand remains on top of mine.

++++++

_Upper New York_

“You can back out,” Peeta tells me. “I’ll give you my keys and you can just drive back—to where it’s safe.”

We are standing in front of the Mellark home. I’m holding an apple pie that Peeta and I snagged from Mags’ bakery while he anxiously adjusts his navy blazer.

Staring at him smooth down his shirt is suddenly making me anxious. I know that I’m only here for moral support, but now I want to make sure that I look acceptable to my friend’s family.

“I’m alright,” I reply and hand him the pie. “Hold this.” Looking down at my burgundy dress and grey cardigan, I meet his eyes. “Do I look okay?”

Peeta snorts. “Oh man, I’ve made you nervous.” He inches until his lips are at my ear and the smell of oakmoss and sandalwood surrounds my senses. “You are beautiful and I promise to tell them that you have a much better man waiting for you in Manhattan so my family doesn’t wonder why you’re with a schmuck like me.”

“Peeta, you’re not even close to a schmuck,” I say as I meet his eyes. The heat of his stare causes me to focus my eyes downward and I notice that his collar is a little ruffled. “Let me fix that.” I lift the collar of his flannel shirt and then fold it down once more to straighten it. “You look very different without a t-shirt and leather jacket.” My eyes go up to his clean-shaven face and brushed back hair. “I’m not sure if I like this look much.”

“I feel very fake,” he mumbles.

“You look great.” My hand reaches to playfully ruffle the top of his hair. “Just a little more you, now.”

A bright voice interrupts our reverie, “Well, aren’t you two just the cutest things ever!”

We both turn to see a tall woman with buttery hair and sea-blue eyes standing at the doorway. She steps out onto the porch and then gives me a pretty smile.

Damn, she’s gorgeous—and making me feel very inadequate.

“I can see why my brother is keeping you to himself.” She holds out her hand. “Rowe Mellark.”

I shake her hand and give her a smile. “Katniss Everdeen.”

Rowe ushers me in and I look over my shoulder to see Peeta sticking his tongue out at me.

“You’re the first girl that Peeta has brought home!” she tells me excitedly. “You should marry him—and then I’ll finally have a girl to talk to!”

“You’re twenty-seven Rowe,” Peeta retorts. “You’re way too old for girl talk.”

“I’m not.” Rowe entwines our arms and winks at her brother. “Just like I’m never too old to embarrass my little brother.”

We walk through the cream-colored entry way and into the living room where Peeta’s family has gathered.

I’m surrounded by a sea of blond hair.

It’s like I’m part of a Swiss Miss commercial.

“Look what Peeta brought us!” Rowe announces and then looks to me brightly. “A GIRL!”

“We can clearly see that she’s a girl,” the man by the fireplace says with a boyish grin. He’s a little taller than Peeta with hazel eyes and a buzz cut. “But, she’s a pretty one…much too pretty for our Peeta.”

“COME ON!” I turn to see Peeta looking at his family in exasperation. Instinctually, I rush over to him and throw my arms around his neck. He stiffens for a moment. “What are you doing?”

“We’re pretending that we’re madly in love,” I say into his neck.

“Does this mean that I get to kiss you?” he responds in a constrained whisper.

I pull away before Peeta can make me answer and take his hand.

“They’re just playing around, sweetheart.” I give everyone a smile. “Now, officially introduce me to your family.”

“Well, you’ve met the hot mess that is my sister, Rowe.” His sister, in turn, gives him a not-so-discreet finger and then Peeta guides me over to his brother. “This is Jax, my brother—the oldest of the Mellark children. Jax, this is Katniss Everdeen.”

“The oldest and the wisest,” Jax corrects before shaking my hand. “Nice to meet you, Katniss.”

Peeta squeezes my hand before leading me to his parents. Peeta has his father’s open smile and the same sparkle in his eyes. Mr. Mellark or Phil, which he insists that I call him, gives me a hearty hand shake followed by a hug after I’ve greeted him Happy Birthday.

“It’s really great to meet you,” he tells me with sincerity.

“Honey, this is my mother, Bryce.” Peeta gestures to the petite woman with honey-colored hair and hazel eyes. “Mom, this is Katniss Everdeen.”

She holds out her hand and gives me a calculating smile.

“It’s a pleasure. Peeta has never brought anyone home to see us,” Mrs. Mellark informs me, her eyes expressionless. “You must be special.”

I give her a weak smile before glancing over at an anxious Peeta. “I hope so.”

++++++

Dinner goes well enough.

I actually really enjoy Peeta’s family though his Mom doesn’t say as much as she stares. Jax and Rowe are full of stories about their childhood with Peeta—how Jax would give Peeta noogies and tell him that it would make him bald or how Rowe thought she was an opera singer when she was twelve so she convinced Peeta to learn how to play an aria tune on their piano.

However, it turned out that she was horrendous.

“Katniss can sing,” Peeta suddenly tells them to get them off his back.

I turn to glare at him for mentioning that little fact but stop when I see his face. His cheeks are bright red from listening to his siblings basically humiliate him. However, I find the stories endearing and getting to know Peeta is the best part of this evening.

Rowe places her napkin down and then turns to me. “Well, why didn’t you share that before?” Standing up, she yanks my hand and pulls me out of my chair.

These Mellarks are unbelievably strong.

Rowe takes me to their den where a baby grand piano sits next to the sliding door that leads to their massive backyard. I’m not sure what Phil and Mrs. Mellark do for a living but they must be making serious money to have such a nice place.

My modest ranch style house in Panem is nothing compared to this place. However, even now I miss hanging out on its weathered porch with my father and Prim as we sit on our rickety porch swing. We would often watch the sunset every weekend before I set off to do one thing or another with Cato and Gale.

Cato—I haven’t thought about him this whole day. The guilt washes over me as Rowe pulls out the piano bench.

She notices my expression as I sit and places a hand on my shoulder in concern. “Are you alright?”

I look to her and see that everyone is slowly walking in. Peeta is the last one in the room and our eyes meet. He tilts his head as to ask if I’m okay and I give him a wavering smile.

Rowe catches my gaze and then slowly a smile grows on her face.

“Oh, I see. Do you only sing for Peeta?”

I turn to her, confused at her question. “What?”

“Like, is this a private thing? Where you only sing—” She leans her mouth close to my ear to whisper. “—in the bedroom?”

“Oh no! I actually major in Music Composition at Juilliard!” I tell her.

My cheeks must be blood red right now.

“Sis, why don’t you let me sit with her?” Peeta suggests as he walks over. “You’re making her nervous.” Rowe quickly jumps from the bench to give him her spot. My friend looks to me. “You don’t have to do this.”

I look down at the ivory keys and test out the piano. It’s been tuned recently from what I can hear.

“I don’t really know what to sing,” I tell him.

“Anything will be better than Rowe’s attempt to be in _La Boheme_ ,” Jax says with handsome grin. His sister walks over to smack the back of his head before sitting next to her parents on the couch.

Mrs. Mellark looks at me scrutinizing whether or not I actually know what I’m doing. I can feel Peeta’s pain—and he’s had to live with this since he was a child.

Placing my fingers on the keys, I begin to fiddle with them until a tune emerges from a long-ago memory of Prim as a little girl and the tune I used to sing to her.

_“You and me together we'll be_   
_Forever you'll see_   
_We two can be good company_   
_You and me…”_

“ _Yes, together we two…_ ” Peeta joins me and I give him an encouraging smile as I continue to play. “ _Together, that's you…forever with me_ …”

He once told me that we sounded good together and he is right. We have great musical chemistry, taking over anytime that the other falters and harmonizing whenever it’s appropriate. There is an ease that his voice gives me and I feel brave enough to face his family—as well as anyone else for that matter.

“ _We'll always be good company…you and me…_ ”

And, a strange sort of image fills my mind; an image of me teaching a dark-haired little girl with Peeta’s blue eyes this same song as he watches with a blond toddler in his lap.

I’m comforted in this thought and yet, it leaves me even more confused.

I suddenly stop because tears fill my eyes—a mixture of guilt and longing overwhelming me.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice just barely a whisper. “I can’t remember the rest.”

Peeta can see that something is wrong.

“We should get going,” he tells his family, his eyes never leaving mine. “Tomorrow’s a big day for Katniss.”

++++++

_Manhattan_

We drop Thresh’s car off at his apartment and decide to walk back to our own building.

Peeta is silent during our stroll. I can feel him closing up once more and putting up that invisible wall that I can’t seem to get through.

There’s a pathetic little part of me that’s hoping it’s all in my head.

“Your family is really nice,” I finally say as I walk next to his silent form.

He looks down at his feet when he speaks, “Yeah.”

“Your Mom was nice enough. I could tell that she is very critical—but she cares,” I continue.

“She likes you,” is his response.

Bristling at his coolness, I stop and whip over at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Peeta looks up at my tone, his blue eyes icy. “What do you mean?”

“Why do you keep pushing me away?” I ask him. “Why do you shut me out?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Peeta turns to look down the street. “We should go now. It’s getting late and your _boyfriend_ is coming home tomorrow.”

“NO!” Exhausted by today’s events, I’m not going to let him off that easy. “WHY DO YOU THIS? WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING ME—”

Peeta charges towards me and suddenly I’m pressed against the brick wall of the building we’re arguing next to.

“BECAUSE OF THIS!” His blue eyes darkened as I stare into them. “Because of this…”

I’m all of a sudden aware of how close our bodies are. How his chest is pressed flush against mine and how my legs are slightly widened to accommodate his hips. I can feel his heart beating furiously against my breasts and my nipples tighten at the thought that I caused this to come out of him.

“Let’s not pretend anymore that there isn’t something happening between us,” he says. His lips are so close that if I lean forward I could almost taste him—if I wanted. “But, you are with someone, Katniss, and as much as I want this…want you…”

We go silent as his pelvis suddenly presses against my center and I feel his hardness in-between my thighs. It is part instinct and part want when I shift and through the thin layer of my skirt brush against his jeaned length. I know that if either of us wanted to, all we would have to do is unzip his jeans and pull the tiny sliver of cloth away from my throbbing slit.

We could do it. We could fuck right against this wall if we chose to.

But, where would we be after that?

“It’s all or nothing,” Peeta whispers against my open mouth. “If you’re going to cheat then come right out and do it—but don’t make me a piece in this fucked-up little game of yours. Because, I know I want you in whatever way that you’ll have me. You just have to decide what the hell you want to do.”

Peeta pulls back and as I slide down against his body my soaked center slowly rubs against his encased cock and without realizing it, a quiet moan escapes my lips.

I see him visibly shiver as he backs away from me.

“You’re right,” I say, my voice trembling as I smooth down the skirt of my dress. “We should get home now.”

We rush home, silent throughout the trip.

++++++

That night, I can’t sleep and as I close my eyes, I tell myself to focus on Cato’s homecoming as I lay in bed. I think of his smile and his sweet eyes when my hand reaches under the elastic band of my panties.

Masturbation can be a helpful sleep-aid sometimes.

But as I get further into it, dipping my finger into my sopping cunt, it’s not imaginary Cato anymore who is on top of me but an imaginary image of the man across the hall from me.

And, suddenly I’m wondering what would happen if I knocked on his door.

Would he let me in? My mind begins to conjure up a number of images involving Peeta.

_Us against that brick wall, my heels pressed to his lower back…letting him take me from behind with my hands against the kitchen counter…me riding Peeta on the couch of our living room, his mouth full as he sucks on one of my tits…._

I come with the image of Peeta’s face in-between my legs, kissing my thighs, and fucking me harshly with his fingers. My hips lift as I rub my clit furiously to prolong the best orgasm that I’ve had in a while.

At this point, I could really give a shit whether or not Peeta has heard me.

Finally I feel the exhaustion wash over and as I fall asleep, a singular thought runs through my mind:

I am the world’s worst girlfriend.

* * *

 

This came out a lot more…graphic than I thought.

I actually think that this is the first time that I’ve written Peeta with a sister and I really like the thought. We’ll see Rowe and the rest of the Mellarks later on.

The song that Katniss and Peeta sing actually comes from the Disney movie, _Oliver and Company,_ and is called “You and Me (Good Company)”.

I’m still looking for someone to work on some cover art for this story or for “Look to the West”. Message me if you’re interested!

Next, Chapter Four: Peeta-Four Weeks Later

Until then, JLaLa


	4. Peeta

Thank you for the great feedback for the last chapter, especially since we got a little nitty-gritty at the end.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Four: Peeta_ **

_Four Weeks Later…_

It’s like this every morning since Cato’s come back.

I let them go through their routine as I sit in my room trying to ignore the sounds of them rushing about.

Cato leaves first since he has to be Uptown where his office is located. Then I wait, as Katniss gets ready for the day; I can hear her running into the bathroom between our rooms to wash up. It quickly follows by her going back to her room to change, then _finally_ —she leaves for her first class.

Today when I hear the click of the front door closing, I let out the breath of relief that I’ve been holding for the last hour or so.

Now, it is time for me to get ready.

I’m ashamed of the way I went about revealing my feelings—but, I’m glad that I did. It had been building up inside of me since the moment that I caught Katniss in our hallway that first day.

I tried to deny that I wanted her.

However, it has been difficult to do so when I know that somewhere deep inside, Katniss wants me too. There was a small moment against the brick wall when I saw it in her eyes—that hunger that we’ve been both trying to hide.

This particular morning after Katniss and Cato have disappeared, I go to the kitchen first to grab a cup of coffee. I take in the quietness and breathe in relief at this tiny interlude of time when I can let go of the tense smile that I usually wear whenever Cato is around.

Cato has distracted me from the weight of my revelation by telling me all about China—about its villages and the fantastic food. I can tell that he loves what he’s doing. Katniss usually stays away during our conversations, instead choosing to focus on her schoolwork in their room or, if she is in the living room, she will simply put her headphones on.

As I head to the couch to read the paper, I hear the door open and Katniss quickly enters. She spots me as she closes the door and I see her hesitate.

“I’ll just go to my room,” I tell her.

“No—wait.” Katniss walks over to me, her grey eyes apprehensive. “Does it have to be this weird between us?”

“I pretty much revealed everything I’ve been feeling since we’ve met,” I respond in humiliation. “I don’t know how we can come back from that.”

“I don’t know either,” she says. “But, this is your home and mine—and I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be comfortable.” Katniss eyes me. “I know that you’ve been waiting until Cato and I leave to get ready and you don’t come home until we’re asleep—just to avoid me.”

“I don’t mind,” I say to her. “I just hang out at Thresh’s—”

“No.” Katniss shakes her head firmly. “This is your home and you were here first. If anyone should be avoiding this place, it should be me.”

“I’m pretty sure that Cato will be lonely without you,” I say in a biting tone.

“Please Peeta,” she begs. “Let’s try to get back to where we were.”

My eyes meet hers. “Is that what you really want?”

For a moment, Katniss doesn’t say a word and I hold in my breath as I watch her fidget uncomfortably under my gaze. I can see the war inside her; it’s all reflected in her pretty eyes.

Finally, she looks to me, her grey eyes resigned as she answers.

“It’s just how it’s supposed to be.”

++++++

“So, she’s not your girlfriend?” Rowe waves her fork, the piece of lettuce cutting through the air as she questions me. “Well, I’m finding that hard to believe, especially in the way that she looks at you.”

I look to her doubtfully. “And, how is that?”

“Like you’re the motherfucking sun,” my sister replies bluntly before taking a sip from her wine glass.

Rowe had come to the city for the day since she has a meeting with one of her store’s suppliers in SoHo and insisted that I have lunch with her after she was done for the day.

“That’s not going to do me any good,” I say to her. “She’s my roommate. She has a longtime boyfriend.”

“I’m aware of that,” Rowe tells me. Her eyes soften as she places her hand over mine. “But, you can’t deny the spark. It’s there, little brother.”

I nod and finally acknowledge the pain that I’m feeling. Because, I really like Katniss—but I’m only kidding myself that she reciprocates.

My phone suddenly rings and I’m surprised to Katniss’ number flashing on the screen.

Quickly, I pick up. “Hello?”

“Hey Peeta, it’s me. Are you near the apartment?”

I sit up hearing the anxiety in her voice. “No. What’s going on?”

“I left my sheet notebook at home,” she explains. “And, my teacher needs to see it this afternoon. I tried calling Cato but his phone goes right to voicemail…”

“Well, I can drop it off,” I tell her suddenly. “Give me thirty minutes.”

“Really?” she asks.

“Really,” I respond. “Don’t worry about it.”

Hanging up, I look up to see Rowe staring at me, her eyes calculating as she takes in my slight smile and jittery movements.

She shakes her head at me. “This is just sad. Go—and tell Katniss I said hi.”

++++++

Walking into the building, I make the left that Katniss instructed me to make in her text.

Going down the hallway, I take in the walls littered with fliers for performances as well as the closed doors with small window openings. I can see some classes are filled while others look like there are only six or seven students.

When I finally make my way into Katniss’ classroom, I peek in and see her at the piano. Behind her is a stately, mocha-skinned man with small glasses who is reading over a piece of paper.

I knock on the doorway and Katniss jumps immediately, brightening as she sees me. I walk inside and hand her the notebook.

She gratefully hugs me and against my better judgment, I hug her back enjoying her light scent against my nose.

I realize how much I’ve missed her warmth and her smiles.

Then, something inside me aches—it might just be my heart.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” The man walks towards us with a gentle, friendly smile. “This must be your beau judging by the smile you just gave him.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m just the roommate.”

“I apologize,” he responds. “I am Beetee, Katniss’ composition teacher.”

“I’m Peeta Mellark, her roommate—and notebook retriever.” We shake hands and I give Katniss a final smile. “I’ll see you at home.”

“No, wait,” Beetee suddenly says and turns to Katniss. “Why don’t you play the piece for us? It’ll be good to have a second ear.”

Katniss gives me a doubtful look. “I’m sure that you’re busy…”

“No, I was just having lunch with Rowe when you called,” I inform her. “She’s in the city for the day. She says, ‘Hi’, by the way”

“There’s no need to be shy,” Beetee encourages and after a moment, Katniss makes her way to the piano. He goes to me as she sets up. “All the students in my class are supposed to create an original piece to play for me by the end of the school year. It’s a good stepping stone for a lot of composers. The piece that you’re hearing could be the piece that she plays for her final year.”

I turn to him in surprise. “Some of the students take it that far?”

“Yes,” he replies. “You could be listening to the composition that makes Katniss famous.” Beetee turns to check if Katniss is set. “Whenever you’re ready, Katniss.”

I watch her take a deep breath, her shoulders rising as she rests her fingers on the keys.

After slowly exhaling, Katniss begins to play.

Her tune starts out light, airy, and pulsing with excitement. There’s a sense of discovery and newness in the tone and I can visualize Katniss, doe-eyed during her first days in Manhattan.

Then, she begins to move her fingers towards the middle keys and slowing her tempo. Loneliness overwhelms me, her playing heavy and dragging like long, empty days. The tune begins to fade and is replaced with another heavy feeling—of longing. Her playing is slow, teasing and aching for fullness.

I want more of what she’s holding in front of me, my entire soul aching for that next key.

In only a few short notes, Katniss has created a musical diary of her time in Manhattan.

“That’s all I have,” she tells us, her smoky eyes on me. “What did you think?”

“I want more,” I reply simply.

“I think we’re in agreement,” Beetee says.

However, Katniss knows that I mean something else entirely.

++++++

My eyes open as my bladder beckons me awake.

Getting up, I rush to the bathroom to relieve myself, half-asleep and desperate to get back into my warm bed. It has been a long day, having to deal with Rowe and then with Katniss.

Katniss’ tune still plays in my mind; it lulled me to a blissful sleep and even now, I hum it as I finish up and wash my hands.

In the hallway, I close the door to the bathroom and trek to my room.

However, a quiet moan stops me in my steps.

It couldn’t be.

The sound repeats once more, louder and tighter.

Suddenly, I’m at their door, my ear just slightly pressed to its thin wood. I don’t know why I’m here other than the fact that I’m curious to hear what she sounds like in throes of passion. I had a smattering of it—the night that I pressed her against the brick wall and confronted her.

I felt her warmth along my cock as she bucked against me.

We had that chance. That chance to cross the line.

I close my eyes, grasping for every moan, and visualizing that it is me with Katniss. Her tight opening encasing my turgid length while she rides me in abandonment, grey eyes dark as I thrust into her over and over, watching her tits bounce as I do.

Through the door, I hear her groans deepened as they move closer together and I know that she’s about to come.

“Katniss…” Her name drips slowly from my mouth, full of yearning.

I don’t realize that my hand is wrapped around my cock until a small moan escapes my mouth at the thought of spilling inside her.

There’s a sudden creak and I realize that I have pressed my foot against a weathered piece of our hardwood floor.

Then, there is complete silence coming from behind the door.

Rushing quietly to my room, I close the door behind me and go back to my bed before letting out a muffled yell into my pillow.

I’m a pervert. A crazy pervert who gets off on hearing his roommate get fucked by her boyfriend.

I know if I wanted to, I could find a girl tomorrow and let her finish me off.

However in the end, it would mean nothing because it wasn’t _her_. No girl could replace Katniss.

And, the sad truth is that I would rather come listening to her on the edge of climax than thrust my dick into some girl in an effort to forget the woman across the hall.

I close my eyes to get back to sleep but her dark eyes are suddenly behind my eyelids and I see Katniss once more against that brick wall.

This time, however, I’m plunging relentlessly inside her as she pulses around me, her legs wrapped around my waist and wetness dripping down her thighs. Her mouth moves against mine as we kiss carelessly, her hands cupping my face so that we taste every bit of one another.

In my head, she urges me—begs me.

_“Come inside me, Peeta… come on, sweetheart…”_

Hot spunk fills my hand and a pained growl tumbles from my mouth, her name escaping in a quiet, tense whisper. I’m clammy with sweat and my heart is pounding as I recover from the most intense self-induced orgasm that I’ve ever had.

Sadly, this is what my life is now—lusting after someone who will never want me.

The thought keeps me up for the rest of the night.

++++++

_One Week Later…_

Immediately as I enter the apartment, I know that something is wrong.

Katniss’ voice reverberates through our apartment. “No, Cato. You just came back!”

“This is my job,” Cato reasons. “And, I love it—not many people can say that. Isn’t that what we’ve been looking for? That chance to do the one thing that makes us happy?”

“I didn’t know that it would be this way,” Katniss argues, her voice hardened. “I didn’t realize that we would be sacrificing us for the love of the job.”

“You’re being a child.”

“No, I’m being a practical adult in a committed relationship,” Katniss tells him. “Is this going to be the rest of our lives? You taking off every other month or so?”

“Then come with me,” Cato suggests. “We can travel the world together.”

“I can’t!” she sputters. “I came here for Julliard and I’m progressing nicely. Beetee is really impressed with my original piece—”

“Then, we’re in the same boat, aren’t we?” Cato tells her coldly. “You don’t want to give up your ambitions and neither do I.”

“What do we suggest we do?” she questions brokenly.

There is no response and after a moment, I hear loud stomps and the door of the bedroom slamming shut.

Carefully, I enter the living room to find Cato still standing in the middle of the room, his brows furrowed and a deep frown on his face.

When he spots me, Cato flushes in embarrassment. “I guess you heard all of that.”

“You’re going on another assignment,” I state and he nods in acknowledgement.

“Boracay—in the Philippines,” he responds. “Two months this time because they want my team to cover the rest of the Visayas region to see how much progression has happened after Typhoon Haiyan.”

I meet his eyes. “Katniss doesn’t mean to be so upset. She just missed you a lot the last time.”

“I know that,” Cato tells me tersely. “But, she knows why we came here and should realize that this is good for me—”

“It’s not good for the both of you,” I suddenly spit back at him. “I think that she came here thinking that it would bring you closer together. Isn’t there any way that you could ask them to postpone? Maybe another month or two?”

He shakes his head. “I can’t neglect my job.”

“But, you can’t neglect Katniss either,” I retort. “She should be factored into your decisions. This is how relationships deteriorate, Cato—when one person is left in the dark.”

“I know Katniss,” Cato responds in a hard voice. “She knows that she’s being out of line and I know her enough to know that she knows where her place is with me.” He peers at me sharply. “And, really Peeta—what the fuck do you know about being in a relationship?”

I stiffen at his question. He’s right; I don’t know anything.

However, it doesn’t stop me from answering. “I know not to neglect a girl or take her worth for granted, especially not one as special as Katniss.”

++++++

Cato leaves, anyway.

Katniss does say goodbye to him but I can see that she is hurt. This time, their parting is full of resentment and anger. His words still cause my own anger to flare. I never thought that Cato would be so callous towards me or in regards to his relationship.

Seriously, what a dick.

“I’m going to take off for a few days,” I tell her when she comes into the apartment, having just said goodbye to Cato in front of his taxi.

Her face is streaked with tears but there’s a resigned blankness in her eyes.

“You don’t have to,” she protests gently. “There are always going to be instances like this. We will deal with it.”

“Will we?” I question. “Do you know what you want?”

Katniss shakes her head. “No.”

“Then we’re at an impasse.” I sigh before meeting her eyes again. “There is something here between us—and I can’t take the risk. I’m too angry at Cato right now.”

“I know,” she tells me regretfully. “He was a jerk.”

“He was,” I agree. “So, what’s to stop me from wanting to give you what he can’t?”

She doesn’t respond instead twitching at my words so I continue.

“I’m going to stay at Thresh’s for a few days to cool off.”

Katniss nods. “I understand. You can come back when my little sister comes to visit. Prim wants to see New York and I offered her a chance to come over for her Spring Break. I got to meet your family, now you can meet mine.”

I give her a careful smile. “It’ll be nice to meet her.”

Standing up, I head over to my room to pack for my stay with Thresh.

“I know you were listening.”

My steps halt at her statement though my back remains turned away from her.

“Cato was asleep…so it was just me.”

I nod and go to my room before I can ask the question that threatens to escape my mouth:

_Who were you thinking about?_

* * *

 

Not my favorite chapter, but a pivotal one because we are seeing some cracks in their dynamic. How will they cope now with Cato gone once more?

And, will Prim’s visit be enough to distract them? Or, will it push Katniss into finally knowing what she wants?

Just a quick note—Typhoon Haiyan was a devastating super-typhoon that descended over the Philippines in November 2013, killing thousands and equaling to billions of dollars in destruction.

I have a beautiful banner now—created by the lovely everybirdfellsilent—an amazing talent and an awesome contributor to the Everlark fandom.

Thoughts? Comments? I’d love to hear them.

Next, Chapter Five: Katniss—Prim’s visit.

Till then, JLaLa


	5. Katniss

Thank you so much for your support! You have been great!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Five: Katniss_ **

“Hey,” I say into the phone. “How are you?”

“I know you’re mad,” Cato replies and I can hear the tinge of annoyance in his voice. “I told you that I was sorry. What else do you want from me?” He sighs into the receiver. “You know I don’t like when we argue…but this is my job.”

“I know that it’s your job.” I sit down on the couch and look around the empty apartment. Peeta has been gone for almost a week now so I’ve been sitting here stewing my own bitterness. “But, you’re my boyfriend and we’re supposed to be growing closer. I just feel like we’ve taken a step back.”

“There has to be sacrifices,” Cato tells me bluntly.

“I didn’t know that I was one of them,” I retort.

“Time is our sacrifice—and it’s all for the greater good,” he assures me. I can hear someone calling out his name. “I have to go.”

“I have to get to work, anyway.” I know my voice is sour, but I can’t stand his stubbornness. I get it—he wants to be successful; but, at what cost is success? There’s this little voice in the back of my mind that tells me I’ve made a fool of myself. I’ve uprooted my life for the wrong man. Swallowing down these doubts, I let out a calm breath. “I’ll talk to you later. Okay?”

Cato can hear the change in my voice immediately and his tone warms in response. “I love you. You know that, right?”

“I know,” I tell him. “I better get going for work.”

Hanging up, my eyes go to the clock in the kitchen. It’s only a ten minute walk to Haymitch’s bar so I have enough time. Throwing on my jacket, I head out into the hallway, locking the door behind me.

It was intentional. I haven’t said ‘I love you’.

Cato feels like a stranger to me and as pathetically optimistic as it sounds, I had hoped that this move would be the step up for us. I wanted us to be the bustling Manhattan couple who gets married upstate and raises their kids in the suburbs of Brooklyn.

Instead, I am constantly separated from him and wanting someone who I know I shouldn’t.

As this thought crosses my mind, I realized that I have already left the building and coming close to Mags’ bakery where I know Peeta is working. The thought of seeing him brings a lightness to my chest because I have missed his presence in the apartment.

I think of the smell of sugar that constantly wafts through the apartment after he comes home or how he’ll pour me a cup of coffee and accompany it with exactly what I need—milk and two Splendas. I miss that reliability and sweetness that is Peeta Mellark—because not everyone gets to see that side.

Especially, all the side pieces that he spends his time with.

“KATNISS!” I turn to find Peeta rushing out of the bakery, a bright smile on his lips. He walks towards me and I stop the excitement inside me to keep from throwing my arms around him. Peeta holds out a paper bag. “I made you lunch! I mean—dinner! I mean I don’t know…”

His blue eyes gaze at me bashfully and my chest flutters as I take the bag.

“Thank you.” I peek inside and see two warm buns, glazed golden and smelling delicious. “What are they?”

“They’re cheese buns,” he replies with a grin. “I know you’ve had Mags’ but this is my own variation.”

I hold the bag to my chest, warmed by the gesture. “That’s really nice of you.”

“I know it can get busy at Haymitch’s and you might not have any time to grab a bite,” Peeta says. “Also, I’m going to stop by the apartment while you’re at work. Do you think that you’ll need anything while I’m there?” He looks at my light windbreaker. “Maybe another jacket? It can get cold around midnight.”

I nod. “Sure.”

For a moment, we stand in the warm orange of the sunset basking in one another’s gaze. I think that I’ve smiled more in these last few minutes than I have in a whole week since he’s been staying at Thresh’s.

“You better get going,” he suddenly says breaking our stare. “Johanna gets weird when waitresses are late.”

“Very true,” I respond. “I’ll see you later.”

Peeta smirks. “Be good, Katniss. Don’t go tempting any of those drunkards with that pretty smile of yours.”

I snort. “Yes, that’s exactly what I do—with my windbreaker and black t-shirt.”

He stares at me for a moment before responding. “Katniss, you have no idea of the effect you have.”

++++++

_“I step in my blue jeans_   
_Home wreck in my blue jeans_   
_Got it from my momma_   
_So, I'm blessed in my…”_

“Who picked this song?” Johanna asks me as I reach the bar and place my tray in front of her.

“Madge,” I tell her. “Two Stellas and a Whiskey Sour.”

“She would,” my boss responds as she grabs two beer glasses. “How are you doing? Cato has been gone for a week, right?”

I give her a nod. “Yeah…a week.”

Johanna peers at me. “You okay?” Her dark eyes fill with slight concern. “Haymitch and I are always here if you ever need anything. It must be weird just being stuck with Peeta—”

“Peeta has been staying with Thresh,” I assure her.

Instead of relieving her, it seems to heighten her curiosity. “Why?”

I shrug as I take the filled glasses from her. “I have no idea.”

“Katniss—don’t tell me that you’re that brainless,” she retorts, “He has a thing for you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I respond and my eyes go to the sticky floor.

“It doesn’t?” Johanna’s tone sharpens and I look to meet her gaze. “Trust me—being the third wheel in a relationship can be hard. I know a lot about it.”

“You do?” I ask.

She nods in affirmation, guilt in her eyes. “Not every person will leave their spouse like Haymitch did.”

I don’t respond, but instead turn to deliver my drinks to the table in the corner though I can still feel Johanna’s worried eyes on me. Peeta said that she and Haymitch had a thing but there was never really much talk about it.

And, I think I understand why.

“KATNISS!”

The bright voice suddenly brings back home. I turn to see a rush of blonde hair running towards me.

“PRIM!” I’m pulling my sister into my embrace, surprised to feel tears running down my cheeks. My eyes go to the bar doorway where I see Peeta watching us, a tiny smile on his handsome face. “I thought you were coming in tomorrow!”

Prim, my lovely, vibrant sister, pulls away as she beams excitedly.

“Dad found an earlier flight and sent me over so I can have extra time with my beautiful, brilliant sister. I took a cab to your place but you weren’t home—but, Peeta let me drop off my bags and then walked me here. Manhattan sure is different from Panem. I bet it was overwhelming to you like it is to me.”

Prim is only eighteen and new to traveling, but I can easily relate to her feelings.

“It was,” I tell her as I lead her to an empty table. “But, you get used to it.”

She looks over at Peeta, who is chatting with Johanna and Thresh, who has just come in. “Your roommate is cute. I bet Cato doesn’t like that.”

“I never really noticed,” I respond offhandedly. “But, Cato is never here—he’s gone for work again.”

Prim doesn’t fail to hear the prickling tone in my words.

“Seriously, Katniss. Don’t get so upset off of him. We all knew that Cato was ambitious, but that ambition has clouded him—and this isn’t the first time that he’s done this to you.”

“Yeah…” I give her a smile. “Did you want a Coke or something?”

“Can you put rum in it?” she asks with a grin.

“I’ll put a cherry in it so it’ll look fancier,” I respond amusedly.

Prim stands up to hug me affectionately. “Always the big sister!”

I hold her tighter. “You wouldn’t have me any other way.”

++++++

Prim meets the rest of the group and spends a majority of time ensconced with Thresh, Annie, Finnick, and Peeta. Madge and I continue to serve drinks until we get to the latter part of the night. Since it isn’t too busy and Haymitch has returned to the bar, Johanna gives us both our breaks while she runs the floor.

Knowing a bit of Johanna’s story, I watch them a little more closely.

Yes, it is obvious now that they are with one another. Their gestures are subtle, but affectionate. Haymitch helps Johanna put on her apron before she starts working the floor and she brushes her fingers along his arms after he finishes.

And, the looks they give one another—it’s as if for a moment, there is no one else but them.

I find myself longing for the days when Cato and I looked at one another like that.

I don’t know, however, if I miss him or miss that feeling.

There’s a breath of heat against my ear. “You look like you’re having a bad thought.”

I turn to meet Peeta’s eyes. “It’s nothing, really.”

“You sure?” he asks in concern. “I thought maybe you were thinking about having Thresh murdered for dancing with your sister.”

I look to him in confusion. “What?”

Peeta points to where Thresh and Prim are on the floor in front of the bar’s stage dancing with one another while Annie and Finnick move next to them. Prim looks like she’s having the time of her life and it’s only her first night in Manhattan.

I shake my head at his words. “Oh that? No—my sister has always been the life of the party, which I enjoy because it gets people off my case about being a wallflower.”

“You don’t dance?” Peeta asks with a grin. “You’re a musician so you should be all about the beat.”

“No, I’m clumsy,” I respond. “Cato couldn’t get me to stay at our prom because I hated wearing heels and I had no rhythm.”

Peeta stands and offers his hand to me. “Come on. You’re wearing comfortable enough shoes and you’re among friends. No one is going to say anything about your dancing, unless they want me to punch them.”

“No,” I tell him. “I’m _really_ bad at it.”

“Bullshit,” he responds and pulls me to my feet.

Taking me over to where the rest of the group dances, he takes my other hand so he can control both our arms. He pulls out my arms back and forth in some strange, child-like dance, his smile bemused as I stare down at my feet in embarrassment.

“Look at me,” he urges quietly.

My gaze rises to meet his and Peeta pulls me gently until I’m flush against his chest. His arm wraps around my waist and I look over to see Prim staring at us before she whispers to Thresh.

“People are looking at us,” I say to Peeta as we move to the upbeat tune at what feels like an unbelievably slow pace.

“It’s because you can move,” he responds into my ear and that low timbre of his voice causes a sudden rush of arousal. I’m soaked and it’s unbelievably embarrassing regardless of the fact that everyone is unaware. “Despite what you said, Katniss—something told me that you could dance.” Peeta pulls away and I find myself missing his touch. “Johanna is calling you.”

I turn to find my boss calling me over to the bar, her eyes stern.

“I’m going to take Prim home before Thresh decides that he’s in love with her,” Peeta tells me with a grin. “What time are you off?”

“Around midnight,” I reply and turn to my sister. “It’s time to go, Prim.” Thresh actually looks crestfallen. “Say goodbye to everyone.”

Prim grabs her jacket and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Thresh and Peeta said that they would take me sightseeing while you were in class tomorrow. Is that okay?”

“If you go to bed early—like a good eighteen-year-old—then sure,” I say with an amused smile.

My sister says goodbye to everyone as Peeta scoots her out the door before giving me a wave.

“Be careful, Katniss,” Johanna says as I put my apron back on. “You’re taking on more than you should.”

I turn to her. “What do you mean?”

She disappears into the back room instead of responding.

++++++

I’m exhausted by the time I finish up and Haymitch divides up the tips between me and Madge.

“You deserve it,” he tells us with a gruff smile. “You two going to be okay getting home?”

“I have a date coming to pick me up,” Madge responds with an easy smile.

Haymitch nods before looking to me. “And you?”

“I’m only a few minutes away,” I assure the man.

The door opens and Peeta comes into the bar, my jacket in his hands. He gives me a smile before waving at Haymitch, Madge, and Johanna behind the counter.

“Well, it looks like you have yourself a bodyguard,” my boss remarks with a smirk.

Behind him, Johanna lets out a small cough and I look to find her staring at me. I give an assured nod—it’s almost strange to see someone as cynical as Johanna to be worried about my well-being. I imagine that she sees part of herself in me—that ignorant part.

But, we’re only a few minutes away from home and Prim is at the apartment. We know our limits.

I wave goodbye as I put on the jacket that Peeta offers me and it is as we walk out do I remember what had happened once-upon-a-brick-wall.

We walk in silence before I finally decide to speak up. “How’s Prim?”

“She went right to your room and started unpacking,” Peeta tells me with a grin. “She takes your rules very seriously.”

“When Mom passed on, I kind of ended up taking up the parent role,” I say to him as we walk along the empty street. “So, I am her sister but Prim knows better than to cross me.”

He chuckles. “Prim told me as much.” Peeta looks over at me, his eyes glowing under the streetlights. “She said that you had to stop being a kid before everyone else. Your Dad really depended on you to keep the family together while he provided for you both.”

“I did what I had to do.” My eyes go to the concrete. “Our family would’ve fallen apart. I had to make sure that everything would be okay.”

“But, who made sure that you were okay?” Peeta asks and I turn to him. Our stroll stops abruptly. “Cato?”

“He did what he could,” I answer helplessly. “So did Gale.”

“Prim told me that he broke it off at one point,” Peeta responds. “That you were focused on keeping it all together and he needed to be your main focus.”

“Prim exaggerates.” My sister was never Cato’s biggest fan. “He’s ambitious, that’s all—and I couldn’t give him the time at that very moment.”

“He was being a dick—to quote Prim,” he tells me, his voice terse. “You had to do something for yourself and Cato couldn’t deal.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask suddenly.

“Because I need to understand what keeps your relationship going.” Peeta puts his hands to my shoulders. “I heard your argument. Trust me when I tell you that Cato doesn’t see how valuable you are. It’s like he knows that you’re just going to be there whenever he snaps his fingers. I need to know what keeps you anchored to him.”

“Because we have history together,” I respond. “We were each other’s firsts and that has to mean something in the end. He’s been there for every big event in my life and that’s not something that you just let go of.”

“No one is asking you to let go.” Peeta’s eyes bore into mine. “Because, your first love is always a special love. But, have you ever considered that there could be something deeper…something more?”

“You and I think very differently.” My throat is so choked in tears and I’m not sure why they’re rising up in me. “Letting go of him would be like letting go a part of myself.”

“You’re scared.” Peeta’s blunt words burn into me. “Because, you’re changing and growing without him—and that scares the shit out of you.”

“Why would that scare me?”

He reaches out, his thumb grazing my cheek; I don’t realize that I’m crying until I see the moisture on the pad of it.

“You’ve put so much of yourself into your relationship and, for it to come to nothing—that’s the ultimate failure to you,” he says, his earnest eyes on me. “Katniss, nothing that you put effort into is ever worthless because you end up learning about yourself.”

“Please Peeta.” His words drive into me. I know that his words, though brutally painful, are also truthful. Yes, I fear letting go even when I know that things aren’t working. I have lived my life in a constant state of control and to let go of that sends me into a panic. “Just stop…”

That harshness in him subsides and Peeta pulls me to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m being an idiot.” His soothing voice causes me to let out a shaky breath. “Don’t listen to me. I have no idea how love works because I’m so bad at it.” He gives me a pained laugh, a sad light in his blues. “I even love the wrong people.”

We continue our walk home and when we enter our apartment, we separate quickly, both hasty in our good nights. I go to my room, his words echoing in my head as I undress and get into bed with my sleeping sister.

I am afraid to let go.

Because, I fear the unknown.

Coming to Manhattan with Cato was my crutch; I thought that we would help one another through this new chapter. Yet, here I am alone and part of me is guilty that I’m getting on so well without him while the other part is fearful of what would happen if I let him go—my last semblance of my old self.

Prim is suddenly throwing a shoulder across my front as she presses her head to my back.

“Don’t cry,” she whispers consolingly as my shoulders shake. “In the end, you will still have me.”

++++++

“You seem distracted.”

I look up to see Beetee joining me on the piano bench and I give him a wan smile.

“I’ve just had a busy few days,” I respond. “My sister came from Panem to visit. It’s a bit difficult since my break is after hers. I’ve been balancing spending time with her, work, and school.”

“I’m sure that you have people to help you,” my teacher tells me with a gentle smile. “Your boyfriend?”

“Cato is on assignment in the Philippines.” My hands dance across the keys distractedly. “But, my roommate has been taking Prim around while I go to school and work.”

“Peeta seems like a good guy,” Beetee remarks. “Seems to have taken you both under his wing.”

“Right,” I respond tersely.

Since that night, Peeta has decided to play tour guide for Prim. When I cannot be there, then he is whisking her off to Times Square or to some other Manhattan sight. A lot of the time, Thresh will join them. I suspect that Peeta’s friend has a crush on my pretty sister.

It’s not surprising as Prim is beautiful and fun. She has no burdens to weigh her down like I do.

I realize that I am slightly jealous of that fact and also a little jealous that she spends so much time with my roommate. I wonder if he takes her to the same spots that he’s taken me or if he’ll mention her to Rowe.

God, I’m so spiteful. It’s pathetic.

“Anytime you want to play,” Beetee suddenly interrupts and I see him grinning at me impishly. “I find that playing can really take you out of a situation, sometimes.”

“In the end, you’ll only come back to it,” I tell him.

“Katniss, problems are never black and white,” my teacher responds. “Like these keys—we have black and white—all different tones…situations…but you got to press all of them before coming up with the right tune. Then, there are greys.”

“The greys?”

“Those rare tones that happen when you combine just the right pair,” Beetee explains. “They turn out to be the most beautiful melodies.”

“But sometimes the same keys can be just as beautiful,” I argue.

Beetee gives me a knowing smile.

“True, but they never have the same impact that the greys do.”

Sighing, I close my eyes and let the keys control my fingers. They feel so heavy, weighed down with my conflicting thoughts, and I can tell that Beetee can hear the raw sadness in my playing. However, he is right because after a moment, I lose myself in the music and there is nothing but myself at the foreground of it all.

Just me. Not Cato, Peeta, nor Prim—this is all about me and it is unbelievably liberating.

I open my eyes when I hear the clapping and I turn to the doorway to see Peeta and Prim watching me. I falter for a moment seeing how wonderfully bright they look with one another but a smile goes to my lips when Prim comes over to embrace me.

“Mom would’ve loved seeing you here,” she tells me. “I took a picture to send to Dad.” Her blue eyes are misty. “He’s been bragging to everyone in Panem about how his Katniss is going to be a famous composer.”

“It was just a little diddy,” I tell her, my cheeks turning pink at her praise. Behind my sister, Beetee and Peeta greet one another though my roommate’s eyes go to me immediately after. He beams seeing my gaze and the tenseness dissipates from my body. “What did you do today?”

“We just had lunch. His sister called while we were eating,” Prim tells me as she hooks arms with me. “I got to talk to her briefly while Peeta paid the bill. She’s seems really cool.”

“Oh,” I respond listlessly. “Rowe is pretty nice. I met her once; she reminds me a little of you. I think that’s why I felt so comfortable with her.”

“So, she like Prim 2.0?” my sister jokes and I nod, a tight smile on my face. Prim peers at me suddenly. “Are you okay?”

Am I seriously getting jealous over the fact that Prim talked to Rowe?

I quickly brush off the feeling. “I’m fine.”

“So, I convinced Beetee to let you off early,” Peeta says as he approaches us and looks to Prim. “We got you something.”

“Close your eyes,” Prim tells me excitedly.

“I don’t know,” I say as my sister goes behind me to cover my eyes. “The last time this happened, you and Gale put a frog in my hands.”

“I was five,” Prim responds indignantly. “He was eleven—and a horrible influence.”

I suddenly feel someone open my palm and I know that it is Peeta; his touch already familiar to my skin. Excitement spreads through my nerves as his fingers caress my exposed skin.

Something smooth hits my palm and I close my hand just as he pulls away, our fingers meeting in the clumsy exchange.

“Open,” Prim says and when I open my eyes, I see a smooth pearl in my open hand. “I was telling Peeta about how you used to play with Mom’s pearl necklaces as a little girl and how we had to get rid of some of her jewelry, including her pearls, to make ends meet since Dad wasn’t exactly himself for a while.”

“I didn’t think that you remembered,” I say as I roll the pearl between my fingers.

“That’s lovely,” Beetee says to me. “It’s quite large.”

“We were just walking around Chinatown and there was some store with a tank full of oysters,” Prim tells is. “They let you open three and Peeta got this one in the first one he opened!”

“To start a new pearl necklace,” Peeta explains, his eyes carefully watching my reaction.

“Thank you,” I tell them both softly though I’m electrified by his hopeful gaze. “This means a lot.”

“And, take a look at that!” Beetee suddenly remarks. “It’s a grey one—quite unique.” He looks to Peeta. “Seems like you were meant to have it.”

“No,” Peeta tells him, his voice suddenly hollow. “As beautiful as it is, it already belongs to someone else.”

++++++

“It is unbelievably busy!” Madge says as we meet back at the counter the following evening. “I hate finals week.”

“Tell me about it!” I respond. “All these students drinking away everything they’ve studied for! I should be one of them!”

As the week comes to a close, many of the university students have begun to occupy the bar. I’ve limited Prim’s visits since there is more of a chance that someone will hand her a drink.

Haymitch and Johanna don’t mind when it’s not busy—but something like this crowd could get Prim in trouble.

“Katniss, corner table!” Johanna says as she puts an array of drinks on my tray.

Nodding, I take it and go to my assigned table, distributing the filled glasses into eager hands.

“KATNISS!” I go back to the counter to find Prim standing with Johanna and Haymitch.

“What are you doing here?” I ask her, my lips tight. “You know that you can get them in trouble.”

“It’s my last night here,” Prim responds with a pout. “Also, Peeta is performing with Thresh and Finnick and I asked if I could come along—I’ve never heard them.” She shamefully meets my eyes. “Are you mad?”

“I’m not,” I tell her after a moment and then look over to my bosses. “Can she just hang at the bar?”

The couple looks at one another before Haymitch turns to me.

“Fine,” Haymitch responds. “But only for Peeta’s set—then, she has to go home.”

“Thanks.”

Johanna places another set of drinks on my tray. “Table 12.”

Nodding, I take the tray then rush over to the waiting table.

“Cosmo, Lemon Drop, Grey Goose,” I list as I hand the group their drinks.

“GOOD EVENING EVERYONE!”

As I finish distributing the glasses, I turn to see Peeta at the microphone and someone wolf-whistles. He makes eyes at someone at the front tables and winks.

“Thanks sweetheart…I’m only performing because a good friend of mine is going back to her hometown and begged to hear just one song. So, I have Thresh on the drums—” Prim lets out a loud whoop. “And, Finnick on bass.” Annie, who has suddenly appeared next to Prim at the bar, whistles sharply. “SO LET’S DO THIS!”

Peeta dons an acoustic guitar along his front before Thresh counts off.

Everyone cheers as the lively music fills the room and the crowd begins to clap with the percussion beat.

I’m suddenly aware of Peeta’s gaze as he put his lips to the microphone once more.

_“I love you_   
_From the bottom of my heart_   
_And that's not gonna change but things look grim_   
_When I am watching you watch him…”_

People cheer hearing Peeta’s melodic voice and I feel my legs go numb as I go to a table that’s signaling me over. Hastily, I try to block the words of the song out as I write down the orders but as I approach the bar, Peeta’s voice surrounds me once more.

_“Ohhh…what is left to learn?_   
_When he would let you crash and burn?_   
_He never gives attention but you still yearn_   
_Where do I fit in?_   
_When I am watching you watch him…”_

Placing the order tab on the counter, Johanna places her hand over mine to get my attention and our eyes meet as she gauges my reaction.

It’s all over my face. I already know it.

If she suspected that something has happened between Peeta and me, he has confirmed it with his song while my expression is just another nail in the coffin.

_“I want you_   
_When he's playing all his games_   
_And it gets hard to tell who's the victim_   
_When I am watching you watch him…”_

“Table 2,” Haymitch suddenly says to me, his own eyes narrowing at hearing Peeta’s words.

“Then outside for your break,” Johanna adds hastily.

I nod anxiously as I load up my tray. Behind me, I can hear Prim and Annie calling out to me. I can hear it in my sister’s tone—she knows that she’s messed up by asking Peeta to sing. Something in her believed that he was going to sing something romantic but he has turned it all around by singing a song that outright mocks me.

What a fucked-up game we play.

Placing the order down at the table, my eyes suddenly meet his intent stare, his mouth repeating those acerbic words.

_“Ohhh…what is left to learn?_   
_When he would let you crash and burn?_   
_He never gives attention but you still yearn_   
_Where do I fit in?_   
_When I am watching you watch him…”_

Turning sharply, I rush to the bar counter and slam my tray down. Prim is calling out to me worriedly as I practically rip my apron off and head to the back door, taking a seat on the steps of the exit.

There’s no reason to be upset. It’s just a song.

However, someone as musically inclined as Peeta would know that lyrics like those would hurt.

“I brought you a glass of water.” I look up from my seat to see Johanna holding out a glass.

Taking it, I sip silently and after a second, she joins me on the steps.

Johanna doesn’t speak and neither do I.

Because we both know I’ve heard enough.

++++++

“It’s okay to be angry at me,” Prim tells me as we walk along the warm concrete.

This afternoon, she leaves for Panem and I will retreat back into my shell as Peeta runs off to Thresh’s to avoid me for the next two months.

“I’m not mad,” I tell her in a slight voice.

“Yes, you are,” my sister responds and when I don’t answer, Prim stops and her hands go to my shoulders to stop me from moving. “Stop hiding from me. That’s not how we work.”

“What am I supposed to tell you?” My eyes meet her sweet baby blues and they remind me so much of Mom’s that I can help but ache for her. She would’ve known what to do. “Okay, you fucked up, Prim. You knew all along and you just perpetuated Peeta’s feelings.”

“Yours, too,” my young sister responds acidly. “Stop hiding, Katniss!  It’s written all over your goddamn face for everyone to see. You want this man and he wants you! The only idiot who is too damn blind to see it is your own boyfriend. Cato is an idiot to think that no one sees how special you are.” She reaches to cup my face to steady my retreating form. “Because, we all know how beautiful and unique you are—Peeta, especially.”

“And, what do I do?” I ask her as I sob. “Leave Cato?  Cheat with Peeta? There is no simple solution.”

“You can’t live like this,” Prim tells me firmly. “And, your boyfriend is not here to work out the issues that have been plaguing your relationship for years. Yes, change is scary for you, Katniss. It has been this way since Mom died and you had to give up being some ignorant child to become a cynical adult. But, there is still beauty and love in the world—the kind that you’ve never experienced—all you have to do is let go of the bullshit. Katniss, you can’t control how you feel.”

Her eyes are on me, exposing every little weakness. Around Prim, however, I know I’m safe from the pains for the world.

“After all is said and done—what do _you_ want?”

++++++

It is late into the evening when I reach the apartment. After a tearful goodbye, Prim and I made amends. I ask her to keep silent about everything that has happened to my Dad. He would have a fit after hearing the fights between me and Cato. They’ve always had a good relationship and despite Cato’s behavior, I don’t want to ruin that.

As I open the door, I find Peeta getting ready to leave, bag in his hands as he throws on his leather jacket.

When he sees me, his cheeks go red—Haymitch must have really hammered into him after last night’s performance.

“I’m on my way out,” Peeta informs me, his eyes expressionless.

“Stop.” I take his bag from him and place it on the ground. “I need to know something.”

“What?”

He looks almost nervous at my behavior and I feel that heat kindling in the small space of the entryway we stand in.

“Why me?” I ask him. “Why did you choose me? There are others. There was Prim—”

“Prim?” Peeta scoffs. “She’s like my little sister—and I would never do that to you.”

“It wouldn’t be a big deal.” My eyes accuse him. “I know that you’ve had enough tail to keep yourself occupied—”

“I’ve had no one!” he suddenly responds. “NO ONE! No one since I’ve realized…”

“No one since what?”

“Since I realized how I felt,” Peeta says quietly, his eyes suddenly navy in the dim room. “I can’t seem to get you out of here.” His index and middle fingers go to his temple. “Or here.” His fingers travel to his chest. “It’s out of my control, Katniss. Without even meaning to, my heart wants you, chooses you—even if I know you will break it eventually.”

I realize what I want—come hell or high water.

If I burn then he burns with me.

My fingers reach to brush along his jawline and Peeta breathes out shakily, his chin falling open into my hand.

I lean forward and just ever so gently brush my lips to his mouth.

And, I know then that the next kiss is going to be amazing.

* * *

 

This is a strange, sort of chapter—and many of you are probably upset while others are relieved. Trust that I have long talks with my husband about Katniss’ psyche at this point and how this relates to our experiences in past relationships.

It is especially hard for me to write since it reminds me a lot of my first real relationship.

But yes, it’s happening—the Everlark train has finally arrived.

The rest of this story is now a no-holds-barred kind of story.

Like Katniss, I just have to let go.

I love Prim, she is wise beyond her years—and I see her getting along with Rowe. Perhaps besides looking somewhat alike, the two see what is going on between Peeta and Katniss and mean to fix it. However, they do make a bit of a mess.

And, I love Johanna’s character; through that hard shell of hers—she has an unbelievable empathy for Katniss and an almost mothering character. I see Katniss going to her a lot for advice, wanted or not.

Songs:

“Blue Jeans” -Jessie James

“Watching You Watch Him”-Eric Hutchinson

Next, Chapter Six: Peeta-the aftermath

Till then, JLaLa


	6. Peeta

Thank you for all of your feedback—you’re all just wonderful.

The characters of The Hunger Game Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Six: Peeta_ **

Katniss Everdeen just kissed me.

And, she tastes like strawberries.

Drawing back, Katniss looks into my eyes, nervousness inside those smoky, almond orbs. She is breathing shakily against my lips, her hand caressing my chin.

“Say something,” she whispers anxiously.

There are a million words running through my mind but I can’t really form them on my lips—because, I’m only focused on hers.

“Is this real?” I manage to sputter and a chuckle escapes her.

“Real,” Katniss responds quietly. “Very real.”

Wrapping an arm around her waist, I pull her against me so I can feel her heartbeat against mine. My hand reaches to her cheek to feel her—skin to skin.  

I’ve dreamt about this—a lot.

Thresh was about ready to kick me out of his place because I would wake up, her name escaping my lips at all hours of the night. He never really understood until he met Prim and fell a little bit in love with Katniss’ sweet, younger sister.

“Come here,” I beckon and my hand reaches to the nape of her neck to draw her mouth to mine.

I lead our kiss, my mouth moving over her soft, plump, peach lips and she moans against me. The vibration causes a rush through my body. She is perfect and beautiful in her response and I lift her easily as her legs wrap tightly around my waist, pressing her heated core to my lower abdomen. I walk us to my room, my lips still entwined in hers, and Katniss’ long, dark hair shrouds us in a cocoon.

Inside, Katniss detangles herself and her body slides against my front as she sits on my bed. She looks up at me, her eyes shining in the moonlight that streams through my window.

“How do we do this?”

“Do what?” I ask as I sit next to her.

“Cheat,” Katniss responds bluntly.

For the first time, I see a semblance of hesitation…of guilt, in her eyes.  

I never wanted it to come to this.

God knows I’ve tried to avoid her.

However, seeing her pain, the night I walked her home, as we discussed her relationship was the last of my self-control. I was angry at Cato for not seeing how much she was worth and angry at her for thinking that she had nothing to offer.

Because, Katniss is smart, strong, and she cares about everyone around her—even those who don’t deserve it.

Like Cato—and like me.

“We don’t have to do this,” I tell her and take her hand. “This is your call. You know how I feel. Whether or not this happens, we move forward. Katniss, I’m always going to care for you.”

She looks at our joined hands. “I think I’ve wanted this more than I want to admit. _This_ —” She brings my hand to her lips and kisses my knuckles. “—feels right. Nothing this certain could be wrong.”

I reach to touch her face, my finger grazing her chin. “Katniss…are you sure?”

Her mouth falls open at the contact and she nods.

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” she says, her voice low. “I think since the moment I met you. That night when you pressed me to that wall, I almost let it happen. I wanted to unzip your pants. I wanted to feel you in my hands.” Her words cause a small groan to escape my mouth and at my response, her lips curve up in a slight smile. “Is that wrong?”

I shake my head and leaning forward I kiss her, my tongue dipping into her expectant mouth to sweep its inside and taste her once more. She responds eagerly, her tongue urgently moving against mine and a sigh falling out of her mouth.

As we separate, I press my forehead to hers, eyes still closed, and dazed at her responsiveness.

“Tell me,” I begin breathlessly, my chest heaving. “Did you touch yourself that night—after the whole wall thing?”

Eyes opening, I see her slate eyes focus on me, her mouth agape in hunger.

“Yes,” she responds. “I couldn’t sleep because I could still feel you against me. I thought about coming to you that night and I wondered if you would’ve opened your door for me.”

“I would’ve, baby,” I tell her, my mind imagining Katniss, legs spread, and coming around her fingers. “Will you show me?”

She tilts her head at me. “Show you what?”

“How you touched yourself,” I respond. “I want to see you. I want to know if it is exactly how I imagined it in my mind.”

Katniss plants a kiss on my lips before rising from the mattress. Her hands to go to the bottom of her t-shirt as she pulls it over her head, letting it fall to the ground, and revealing her simple white bra. Next, her fingers travel to the top button of her jeans and she deftly undoes it before pulling the zipper down.

My mouth goes dry as I watch her slowly move her jeans off of her full hips and down her toned legs. She is caramel everywhere, her skin shining like gold in the lunar light. My eyes go to her panties; a simple pair of pale orange—almost peach—and I can see her neat mound through the thinness of the cloth.

I want to taste her badly.

“I didn’t expect this,” she tells me in a soft voice. “I would’ve worn nicer lingerie.”

I stare up at her in awe. “You’re beautiful.” She is a goddess. Everything about her, I want to worship.

My words give her the encouragement she needs and her hands move to undo her bra. The covering falls to the ground and my eyes go to her breasts, full and lush with dark pointed nipples begging for my mouth to cover each one—to kiss, to taste, to venerate.

Her hands go to the elastic of her panties but my hands cover hers.

“May I?” I ask and she nods.

Resting my hands on her hips, I lean forward, breathing against damp cloth, and she quivers feeling me so close to her slit. Gently, my hands move down to part her legs and I place small kisses to the insides of her thighs. A moan escapes her mouth and her hand goes to my hair, gently tugging me to her center.

“You’re so wet,” I tell her, my nose brushing against her clit. My lips encircle the taut bud and I suck gently through her soaked panties.

She is delicious, sweet yet tangy. I am rock hard at just the small bit of her nectar.

“Take them off,” she begs, her head tilted and her eyes closed.

“As you wish,” I respond and going to the waistband, I guide her panties off her full bottom and glistening, coarse hair then down her unblemished legs.

Katniss steps away and I take them off the ground, placing the peach panties in my pocket for safekeeping.

“Now?” she asks, her eyes leaden with want.

“Lay down,” I instruct.

She goes to the bed, crawling past me onto my mattress, and lies back against my pillows, her long hair surrounding her heart-shaped face.

“I can’t be the only one naked here,” Katniss suddenly says and she sits up, a small smile on her face. “Your turn.”

Standing, I turn to her. I’m unabashed by my body and simply pull my white shirt over my head as her eyes follow my movements. My cock twitches as I reach to undo my jeans and see her small, pink tongue dart out to wet her upper lip.

Slowly, I lower my zipper and move my jeans off until they are on the ground with the rest of our discarded clothing.

Her eyebrow is cocked in curiosity. “You don’t wear anything under there?”

“You just caught me on laundry day,” I sheepishly tell her.

“You’re beautiful,” she says quietly as her eyes rove over my body. “I’ve never really seen anyone else naked before except for Ca—” Katniss stops and looks down. “—we shouldn’t talk about him, not during this.”

“We’re adults and we know what we’re doing,” I say as I go to her. “Let’s promise to never hide anything from one another. I’ve had enough of trying to ignore how I feel.” Sitting next to her, my hand reaches to move her hair away from her exposed shoulder and I place a kiss against her heated skin. “Here, it is just me and you—our wants, our needs, our feelings.”

Her hand goes tentatively to my chest, her palm pressing against a pec and she moves down until she is right above my pubic bone, her fingertips almost touching my cock.

“You want to touch me,” I state simply and Katniss nods. “Then, do it.”

Her fingers wrap around my length and she rests her slight grip at my base before moving along the ridge, sending a spike of pleasure through my body.

I quell the urge to thrust my hips. “Katniss…” my voice trembles when her thumb moves over my tip where pearlescent liquid spurts forth at her silken caress. “N-Not too much…”

“Am I doing it wrong?” she asks quietly and I shake my head.

“No, sweetheart,” I reassure her with a shaky grin. “I don’t want to come—not like this.”

Nodding in understanding, Katniss lays back, her eyes on me, as the hand that once touched me goes down to her thatch of dark hair and her two middle fingers dip inside her. I watch her curiously, seeing the wetness of her cunt each time she pulls out from her sopping slit.

My head goes next to hers and my mouth moves to her ear. “What are you thinking about?”

“Y-You.” Her words are tight and I see her finger moving over her clit.

“That night while Cato slept next to you—did you touch yourself and think about me?”

“Yes…” I watch her move hurriedly inside herself, every once in a while moving over her pearl. “…I wanted you so bad.”

“You will have me, Katniss,” I promise her. My lips move to kiss behind her ear and I suck harshly causing a small cry to escape her parted mouth. “As many times as you want…over and over…till neither of us can move.”

She arches, her full breasts and peaked nipples lovely in the darkness, and I can tell that she’s on the brink.

“You know how sexy you are?” I say and she shakes her head hurriedly. “I was hard from the moment I heard you first moan outside your room. And, that night—against that wall—if you had come to my door, I would’ve let you in. We wouldn’t have made it to this bed. I would have closed that door and bent you next to it so I could fuck you right there. Can you imagine it? Your palms against the wood and me behind you taking you over and over till you’re clenching around my d—”

“PEETA!”

I stop at her wail, her hips rising as she climaxes and my mouth covers her so she can scream the rest of her orgasm onto my waiting lips.

Pulling away just slightly, Katniss breathes out and her eyes open glistening wet with tears.

“Are you alright?” I ask as my hand brushes a tear falling down her temple.

She pushes up to kiss me. “Yes…it just never happened that...intensely.” Resting back against my pillow, Katniss smiles at me tiredly. “Will it always be like this?”

My lips move hers languidly. “I will try to make sure it does.” I can see her fading in front of me and so I reach to cover us both under my blankets. “Rest.”

Katniss looks up at me in disbelief. “But you—”

“We have time,” I whisper as her eyes close and I bury my face against her damp neck. “In this room, we have nothing but time.”

++++++

When my eyes open, I find myself shrouded in darkness.

After a moment, I realize my face is covered in sweet-smelling hair—Katniss’ hair. She sleeps next to me, a content smile on her face. After gently uncovering myself from her soft tendrils, I push up to watch her sleep.

In slumber, her expression is so peaceful and unburdened. I feel like it’s been weeks since I’ve seen her look so content.

“Lovely,” I whisper before pressing a kiss to her still lips.

Katniss moans into my mouth and her arm wraps around my neck as she draws me fully into our kiss, our tongues moving unhurriedly.

“Peeta…” she sighs against my lips. “Inside me— _now_.”

She moves so that she is completely underneath me and she parts her legs, cradling my hips. I can feel the tip of my hard length brushing against her wet center.

My eyes meet hers. “There is no going back after this.”

“From the moment I met you, there was no going back,” she whispers against my lips, her grey eyes certain. “I need you, Peeta.”

Her words are enough and I am driving into her, my cock immediately pulsing in her hot, tight flesh as she cries out into the still, midnight air.

“Katniss…” I shudder inside her body in pleasure. Pulling my hips slightly away, I draw out before plunging into her again. She arches her hips to deepen our joining.

I won’t last; I already know that, but the need to bring her to the edge causes me to hold off—for her and only her.

“On top,” I command.

Hurriedly, Katniss moves from under me so that I can lie back on the firm mattress. She is desperate for release once more, her whole body rushing to straddle my hips and lining her slit to my rigid length before sinking down onto me.

“FUCK!” Katniss cries out as she begins to move against me, her hands anchored to my chest. “Feels good…”

We’re both trembling so hard at the pleasure of it. My hands move to cup her breasts, thumbing her nipples. Hastily, I move my hands away to lick my thumbs before bringing them back to wet her rigid peaks.

Katniss keens at the sensation, her hips snapping against me as she rides me hard and deep.

My cock is encased in quivering flesh and I look up to see her eyes closed tightly as she bites on her lower lip in concentration.

“Look at me,” I say as my teeth grit together.

Her eyes flutter open and she smirks.

Leaning down, her mouth goes to my ear. “Am I everything you wanted, Peeta?” she whispers coyly.

“You are everything,” I tell her. She kisses me gently and our eyes meet. “The sun, the moon…”

“Sweetheart, I’m so close,” Katniss says into my ear and the tips of her fingers are right against my cock as she rubs around her clit to bring herself to orgasm. “So good…come with me…I want to feel you come in me—PEETA!”

We both fall apart, my hips thrusting…once…twice…inside her pulsing cunt and I come, coating her in each aftershock of movement. Her head falls to my chest, her lips pressing to my sweaty skin, and my every nerve reacts to Katniss.

It’s amazing how my body needs her—my very own addiction.

Katniss peeks shyly up at me and my hand reaches to move the hair from her damp forehead. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she responds quietly. “I’ve never asked someone to come in me.”

“What about him?” I ask her.

“It kind of just happened.” Katniss gazes up at me thoughtfully. “Like it was the proper procedure to it all. You make love and he comes. But, with you—I need you to come. I need to see your face as you fall apart because I caused that to come out of you—and it feels good.”

Sitting up slightly, I cup her cheek before kissing her gently.

“You’re making me love you, Katniss Everdeen.”

She doesn’t say anything and I don’t expect her to.

Her eyes, however, soften at my words and her lips rise in a content smile.

“Can I stay?” Katniss asks after a moment.

“Of course,” I tell her and she moves off of me before settling back, her head going to my chest. Pressing a kiss to her hair, I hear her sigh as she falls asleep. “Always.”

++++++

When I wake up once more, Katniss isn’t in bed with me.

Getting up slowly, I groan at the ache in my hips—it was busy night.

We spent a majority of it taking short naps in-between making love.

The last time, I awoke to Katniss’ lips wrapped around my dick, her dark eyes inviting me to pull her atop me so I could fuck her, hard and fast—like she demanded.

I make love to Katniss—I’ll admit it. Though, I know she doesn’t consider what we’re doing even close to that. This is a strange, messed-up situation with the only truth being that we just want to be with each other.

Looking around, I see her clothes still on the floor along with mine. I put on a pair of pajama bottoms, opting to forgo a shirt, before going into the hallway in search of her.

“Yeah…” I hear her voice coming from her bedroom. “…I was still asleep. It was an emotional day saying goodbye to Prim.” Going to the doorway, I see Katniss sitting on her bed, talking on the phone. She is wrapped in the shirt that I discarded on the floor last night. Meeting my eyes, she gives me a small smile. “Uh-huh—a week? Okay…that’s fine. You, too…bye.”

Hanging up, Katniss lets out a breath and then looks to me.

“Morning,” I greet her hoarsely.

“Morning,” she replies, her own voice rough.

Entering tentatively, I look around. Inside, I am surrounded by her life with Cato; pictures of them together—some with Gale, but most are of just them two.

Going to the dresser, I pick up a framed photo—it’s their prom picture. Katniss is wearing a deep red dress with a high slit, her hair down in smooth waves.

“My Dad almost kept me from going,” she says as she joins me. “He wasn’t feeling the slit—but, it was much more comfortable than a poufy skirt.”

I turn to grin at her. “And, it’s much sexier.”

She takes the photo from my hand and places it back on the dresser. “Is this weird for you?”

“Katniss, I came into this knowing that you were already in a relationship,” I say to her. “Do you regret what happened?”

She shakes her head, shuffling between her feet. “I liked it. I liked being with you—and sleeping in your bed. But, what happens now?”

“I don’t know.” Taking her hand, I lead her out of the room. It is too weird to be in Cato’s presence, even if he’s just in photographs. “We just…are.”

She snorts at me, her eyes bemused. “Are what?”

“Whatever we want to be,” I say to her as I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her close. “Whatever allows me to do this—” Lifting her chin, I kiss her softly and Katniss falls against me, a content hum on her lips. “—when we are alone.”

“I’m not used to uncertainty,” she whispers against me. “I don’t know how to let go.”

“One day at a time,” I assure her. “Now, do you want breakfast?”

Hand in hand, we walk into the kitchen and I go to the fridge to examine its contents. “We have some eggs—and nothing else.” Closing the fridge door, I turn to Katniss. “What are you doing today?”

“Nothing,” she responds. “I have to work at the bar around seven but that’s about it.”

“Would you want to spend a day with me?” I ask her. “It’s includes breakfast.”

“Like a date?” Katniss says, her hands clasped together and looking adorable in my shirt.

I want to peel it off her.

“Yes.”

I’m anxious to hear her response. It’s amazing what she does to me. I suddenly feel like a prepubescent boy asking a girl to hang out after school.

“Okay.” Katniss grins at me. “I’d love to spend a day with you.”

I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until I gasp out, my mouth spreading into a grin.

“Great! But, first—” My hands go to her waist and I lift her onto the counter. She yelps when her bare bottom comes into the contact with the cold marble. “Aren’t you wearing underwear?”

She shakes her head and chuckles. “You put my panties in your pocket!”

“Sorry.” My hands go to the hem of the shirt and I pull the shirt over her head, leaving Katniss naked in front of me. “Let me make it up to you.”

Her hand reaches under the elastic of my pants to pull out my rigid member and, moving to the edge of the counter, she sinks easily onto me.

Katniss moans, her arms wrapping around my neck as we moved against the marble.

“You’re forgiven,” she whispers into my ear before silencing me with a kiss.

++++++

“So, Cato will be out of contact for a week?” I ask as we walk around the small park, later that afternoon.

After a hearty breakfast at a café close to our apartment, we spent our day wandering Manhattan, standing intimately close on crowded subway trains before finally finding this park in Alphabet City.

“That’s why he called this morning,” Katniss says, her eyes pensive. “He was wondering what took me so long to get to the phone, too. You see, I never sleep in.”

“Things change,” I tell her. “People get tired and have late mornings.”

Katniss stops and turns to me. “Shouldn’t I feel guiltier about us?”

“Do you?” I respond.

“In some way, I guess,” she says. “But at the same time, it’s been a long time that I’ve done something for me and only me.” Katniss takes my hand, her grey eyes gazing tenderly at me. “ _You_ are just for me. And, I feel happy about that.” She huffs in frustration. “But, I really don’t know how to do this.”

“No one knows exactly how relationships go,” I tell her. “You do what works for you and the other person—and you work together to keep it going.”

“I guess that’s how Cato and I fucked it all up,” she replies suddenly somber.

“You moved across the country for him,” I point out. “You moved thinking that you were going to get closer and you tried—but, when the other person can’t work with you…”

“I sleep with someone else,” she responds brusquely.

“You always have a choice,” I intone. “I won’t force you to go any further than what we’ve already done. But, Katniss—in the end, you have to do what makes you happy—even if it’s without him or without me.”

For a moment, we stare at one another as reality sets in. We’re not in my room; outside of it, we are exposed to the truth of our actions.

I see the warring in her mind and without thinking, I take her hand.

“A month and a half,” I suddenly say.

Katniss looks at me in confusion. “What?”

“We have a month and a half till Cato comes back,” I reply. “We do what we want during this time—no guilt and no worries about the consequences. At the end of it, we separate.”

“Do you really think we could do that?” she asks doubtfully.

“I don’t know,” I say truthfully. “But, I’m willing to see what happens. I just want you to be sure what you want in the end. Because there’s more to life than what you’ve experienced.”

Katniss lets out a contemplative sigh, her eyes wandering the ground before she looks at our joined hands.

“Fine,” she tells me. “A month and a half—and that’s it.”

“Deal,” I respond and then give her a small smile. “Now kiss me.”

Laughing, Katniss wraps her arms around my waist, pulling herself against me, and looking up into my eyes.

Pushing up onto her toes, she presses her lips to mine to seal our agreement.

A month and a half.

I have a month and a half to make Katniss fall in love with me.

* * *

 

We’re definitely in the greys now.

As I have said—there is a certain no-holds-barred aspect to this story.

You might not understand the characters or their actions but well, they’re human—completely and unequivocally imperfect. They remind me a lot of people in my life.

I really wanted to get Haymitch’s POV and story in this chapter—but, I think we’ll get to him in the next chapter. So, we’ll hear how he and Johanna came to be.

I really do love that even with all the sexy times—there is a little bit of romance in this. They are unbelievably tender with one another in-between the raunchy acts.

I’m rambling now.

Feedback is always appreciated but any anon reviews cannot be responded to on FFn—so, PM or e-mail me if you’d like a response!

Next, Chapter Seven: Katniss—she really comes into her own.

Till then, JLaLa


	7. Katniss

Thank you for your feedback, follows, favorites and kudos! Keep ‘em coming!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

_Chapter Seven: Katniss_

“You’re glowing.”

I turn to look over at Madge who is cleaning the table across from me. “What?”

“You look all lit up inside,” she tells me. “Getting lucky?”

My eyes widen at her words. “What?”

“I was just playing with you!” my friend responds with a bright smile. “Isn’t Cato off-site for like a week?”

“Yeah.” I stare down at the table that I’m cleaning. “He’s taking pictures underground or something like that.”

From behind the bar, I can feel Johanna’s eyes on me. She could see it in my eyes when I arrived at work after that first time with Peeta, her stare withering. However instead of lecturing me, Johanna simply shook her head before handing me my tray.

Madge snorts. “Then girl, you must have one hell of a vibrator.” She snaps her finger in front of me and I let out a laugh. “Because you seriously have the look of someone who’s had _several_ body-snapping, teeth-clenching, screaming-for-Jesus orgasms.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that we’re closed for the night—” Haymitch suddenly interjects, his eyes amused. “—because we would have several complaints about our dirty-talking waitress.”

“This dirty-talking waitress sold your bottle of 2011 Screaming Eagle to some Ivy Leaguers coming in from Connecticut,” Madge informs him.

“Then, feel free to keep cussing the night away,” Haymitch replies. He looks to Johanna and winks. “Looks like I’m taking you somewhere nice for Thanksgiving.”

“Don’t you visit family?” I ask him.

There’s a crash and we turn to see that Johanna has knocked down several of the beer glasses that she’s been drying.

“Sorry…” she calls out, her voice suddenly very tight—as if she’s on the verge of tears.

Haymitch rushes over to the bar to help her and we go back to cleaning up. After a moment, he whispers in her ear and Johanna goes to the back room.

Looking to Madge and me, he gives us an awkward smile. “Why don’t you two head on home?”

“She okay?” I ask in concern.

Despite the judgmental stares and the displeased frowns, Johanna cares about my well-being. Because of this, I can’t help but feel the same way. Something tells me that in the end, I’m going to understand her more than I realize.

“I think that Jo just needs a minute,” my boss replies. He pats my head and I scowl at his patronizing gesture. “You’re a good girl, Katniss.”

I shake my head. “You’d be surprised by me.”

Haymitch shrugs. “We all have our things.”

Madge hands me my coat and I zip up quickly. We both say our goodbyes then rush out into the cold Manhattan air. It’s getting chillier and I’m surprised by the bite of it. I’m from the West Coast where there is no snow, where we’re suffering from a severe drought and just last Christmas, Prim and I hung out at the beach.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this weather,” I say to Madge as I wrap my arms around myself.

“You learn to love it,” a soft, gravelly voice whispers in my ear as a large peacoat is placed on my shoulders.

How quickly I’ve become familiar to his closeness. Part of me wants to lean back against him—to let him wrap an arm around my waist as if I belong to him.

“Hey Peeta,” Madge greets him, dissipating my thoughts quickly. “Aren’t you the knight in leather armor…” She gives him a smile. “You always seem to know exactly what Katniss needs.”

“She’s not used to this weather,” Peeta tells her with an easy smile. “Where you headed?”

“Probably home, right after I grab a loosie from the corner store over there,” she says to us. “Keep her warm, Peeta.” Madge salutes me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

We head in the opposite direction towards our apartment in silence.

However after a block, his arm is around my shoulders to pull me closer.

++++++

“How was work?” he asks me.

“Madge sold a $1,000 bottle of wine and a group of bowlers spilt beer on me,” I tell him with a smile. “I smell like Amstel and cigarettes.”

His lips go to my neck and immediately I gasp at the sensation already building in my center.

“I happen to like that scent,” Peeta replies into my skin. “Let me tell you about my day—I woke up to this incredibly beautiful woman straddling me and begging for coffee.”

Chuckling, I meet his eyes. “Do I know her?”

“Maybe,” he teases. “So after this lovely woman gets her coffee, she doesn’t even say thank you!”

“What a rude bitch,” I comment as we step into the open door of our apartment building. Peeta takes my hand to lead me into the open elevator. “I hope you did something about her.”

He turns to me as the door closes, his hands going to my waist under his peacoat, and carefully unzips my navy thermal jacket.

“I didn’t say anything,” Peeta says quietly. “I mean, she was too busy being brilliant—writing in her composition notebook, chewing on the end of her pen, and putting her lips to that coffee mug. I was too…distracted.”

While he is saying this, his hands have found their place along my ribcage and his thumbs skim over my nipples, teasing them into tight peaks. My own hands are reaching around to bring him closer, to press his growing member against my dampening core.

“Did she at least kiss you goodbye?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

His blue eyes turn heavy and Peeta shakes his head. “No—fucked up my whole day.”

“Let’s end the night well,” I suggest as my mouth moves over his. “Thank you for the coffee.”

His tongue brushes over mine and I taste a bit of spearmint. “You’re welcome.”

The door opens and we walk out into the hallway leading to the door. The folks next door are having a party; the walls vibrate with the sound of a heavy-bass song and the door opens revealing a burly guy, opening the door to let some people out.

“Hey,” he greets us, his eyes blurred. The guy is so stoned and judging from the people rushing up to the rooftop stairs, it looks like that’s the place to go if you want some very strong marijuana. “Y’all are welcome to come in.”

“No, it’s okay,” Peeta tells him diplomatically. “My girlfriend just got home from work. Have to tuck her in.”

The man raises the bottle in his hands to us. “I’ll keep the music loud for you and that pretty little lady.”

“Thanks.” Quickly, Peeta leads me to our door. “Toked-out Joe won’t even remember that conversation.”

I laugh as he opens the door. “Is his name really Joe?”

Peeta opens the door and leads me in. “No, it’s actually Chad.”

We are suddenly engulfed by the room’s darkness and my purse is tossed to the floor as he lifts me against the hard wood of our front door. I shake off the layers of jackets to give myself the freedom to wrap my arms around his neck and to finally taste his lips, quenching the thirst that has been building inside of me since this morning.

I love kissing Peeta.

There is something incredible in the way our mouths move against one another, like we’ve done this lifetimes before—this simple action of pressing our lips together and getting our fill of one another’s taste.

It’s almost frightening that despite all of the hiding, I’ve never felt so open, so bared out in my life.

Sinking along his body, I reach to undo the flannel that he’s been wearing under his discarded leather jacket. His eyes follow my movements as I get closer to his last button and finally move the garment off of his shoulders.

God, he is incredibly beautiful.

His skin is smooth with a slight golden tone and his stomach chiseled with a smattering of hair at the waistline. My hand reaches to his belt, undoing it quickly and it clinks as it hangs off his jeans.

Peeta smiles before taking my free hand and leading me out of the hallway, away from the discarded jackets and my purse which has spilt open. He takes me to the living room, still dark except for the moonlight from our windows.

Guiding me to the couch, he kneels and begins to undo the laces of my shoes. My head rests back watching his caring movements as he pulls off one sneaker followed by the other. He quickly discards my socks before moving to my waist and yanking off the leggings I wore to work along with the mesh panties that I put on this morning in a rush.

“Why would you wear these?” he asks me. “They’re so thin. You’ll freeze when December comes.”

“I didn’t bring clothes for Manhattan,” I respond with a breathless laugh. “I took what I had. It’s probably 90 degrees in Panem—this is my winter wear.”

Peeta brings his hands to my knees, slowly pushing them apart. “Madge told me to keep you warm.”

Leaning down, I watch as he brings his mouth along my thighs, pressing kisses against each side, and I sink along the couch waiting in anticipation for him to bring his mouth to where I desperately want him to go.

He can see my eagerness and his eyes, inky in the evening light, gaze up at me. “What do you want?”

“I want…I want…” The words get stuck in my mouth.

“Remember what I said.” he whispers against my trembling skin. “We don’t keep secrets. We tell one another our needs and our wants. Now tell me, baby—what do you need from me?”

“I-I n-n-need you to lick me,” I say hastily.

Nodding, Peeta leans down and a moan escapes my mouth when the tip of his tongue runs along my slit ending with a flick on my clit.

He stares up, watching my reactions, his eyes going darker. “Like that? Or…“ This time, Peeta uses the flat of his tongue along my soaked cunt and ends with his lips around my hard bud. “…like this?”

“Like that,” I demand in a tight voice. “But not for too long—because, I need you—badly.”

There’s a brevity that has come out of me since the beginning of our tryst. It hasn’t even been a week and I’ve done things that I’d never thought I would. I crave watching Peeta when he’s delirious and aching to come. I love to see his eyes deepen whenever he sees me naked.

I realize how different it is when there’s a mutual need to satisfy the other person.

His tongue moves along my entrance teasing my inner lips and I feel my body tense, eager to feel him inside me. Our eyes follow one another and he moans when I reach to pull my shirt over my head. I sit up to undo my bra before tossing it aside as his mouth moves along my mound, prodding my quim, and I know that the couch is probably soaked with my fluids.

Peeta doesn’t mind, tasting me eagerly, his eyes closing once in a while as he savors me.

“Please…” I cry out.

“What?” he asks against my snatch.

“Fuck me, Peeta.”

Pulling away, I see his face wet with my juices and my stomach twists seeing him, a pleased smile on his full lips as he stands up to undo the button of his jeans. Slowly, my mouth drops as I watch him bring his zipper down and move his jeans off his tight bottom to the ground.

He doesn’t bother to wear underwear anymore.

Long, thick, and hot—his cock stands out in front of his strong, broad body and I wrap my hand around him to feel the hard ridges under his soft velvet. My other hand reaches to cup his testicles, moving them along my palm.

“Holy shit,” he breathes out, his eyes closed. “You’re really good at that.”

I beckon him with my eyes. “Come here.”

Peeta sinks to his knees in front of me and pulls me to the edge of the couch. Leaning forward, I kiss him sampling myself along his lips, light musk and tangy—and a gush of wetness escapes my center.

“See how good you taste?” Peeta lays me back as the undersides of my knees go atop his shoulders. He smiles hungrily as he lines the tip of his length against my entrance. “I’d take the time to fuck you with my tongue, but it looks like you want something else.”

He thrusts hard and to the hilt of my cunt.

My hips arch and I cry out. “FUCK!”

Peeta moves to kiss me, thrusting deep, and a sudden feeling of pleasure and pain fills me.

“Are you okay?” he asks in concern.

Something within me keens at his worry. Even in the middle of this, Peeta thinks only of me and I’m touched by this selflessness. It makes me want to take him in my arms, hold him to me, and keep him somewhere where no one else can find him.

“Yes,” I tremble underneath the immense need to come all over him. “But, I’m going to come if we keep going like this.”

Peeta smiles before kissing me once more and hitting me deep with my legs over his shoulders, my knees practically to my head.

When I come, I break apart wailing into his mouth, unable to hide how good it feels to clench around his cock as he comes inside me, garbled words escaping in-between our wet kiss.

His head goes to my chest as we find ourselves lengthwise along the couch, him on top as my hands run through his matted golden locks.

After a moment, Peeta looks up at me, a satisfied smile on his sweet lips.

“I made dinner. Are you hungry?”

 “After that?” I laugh and nod. “Yes.”

++++++

We have dinner in the living room; the local news is on our flat screen as we eat bowls of homemade chicken soup and talk about our day prior to whatever just happened on the couch that we sit on. Peeta puts on pajama pants while I take its matching button-down top and throw on a pair of boy shorts.

He tells me about helping Mags prepare a wedding cake for a ceremony in Brooklyn—his first try with fondant.

“I’ve decided that I hate it,” he tells me as he halves his dinner roll and hands the piece to me.

“What does fondant taste like?” I ask curiously.

“Like a rolled up sheet of sugar,” Peeta says and laughs when I grimace. “How about your day?”

“School.” I take a bite of the roll enjoying its buttery middle. “Beetee says that I need to give my composition a little more variety.”

He hands me the rest of his roll while taking my bowl. “Meaning?”

“My piece is primarily for a piano, but orchestral pieces need to be broad enough for a majority of instruments to perform it.”

“Do you play any other instruments?” Peeta inquires.

I look down for a moment. “I can play one song on the guitar.”

Peeta lights up at hearing this. “I didn’t know that!” He rushes into his room and comes back eagerly bearing his guitar. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

I shrug, my cheeks burning. “I don’t know.” Tentatively, I take the guitar and place it along my lap. “I’m not sure if I remember the song.”

“Come on…please?”

Those blue eyes, sweet and excited, cause a smile to rise on my lips; I love seeing Peeta so happy.

Adjusting the guitar seated on me, I look down and make sure that I’ve placed my fingers along the strings on the correct fret and strum softly just to test out that I’m in tune. When I feel a little more confident, I start to sing along.

_“It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart_   
_Without saying a word you can light up the dark_   
_Try as I may I could never explain_   
_What I hear when you don't say a thing…”_

I stop and take a deep breath, feeling tears fill my eyes. The song has affected me more than I realize.

“I don’t know the rest.”

Peeta nods and takes the guitar from my lap. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

Shaking my head, I give him a teary smile. “It’s not you. That was my parents’ song. They danced to it during their last anniversary together.”

I tell Peeta how the four of us—my parents, Prim, and I—went to a French restaurant on Panem’s main street. There was live music and Dad requested the song before leading Mom out onto the dance floor.

“I just wanted a little bit of what they had,” I find myself saying. “Maybe that’s why I try to make it work with Cato—I need that steadiness.”

“Sometimes steadiness doesn’t count for happiness—or even love,” he tells me gently. “That’s just my thought.”

“I know.” Giving him a smile, I take his hand. “We’re not supposed to talk about this. This month and a half is about me and you.”

The truth is—I don’t know how I’ll be able to give him up after a month in a half. But, we can’t go back on what we’ve done.

In the end, could we create a clean relationship with such a dirty beginning?

“Get over here,” he says after a moment, holding out his arms.

His arms, this apartment—are the safest places in the world to me.

So I reach for him, settling my head on his chest, and falling asleep without a care as to what tomorrow will bring.

++++++

I awaken to see Peeta on the phone.

“Yeah, Mom,” he says as he anxiously paces the floor. Peeta notices that I’m awake and gives me a smile before going back to the conversation. “Sure. I’ll get apple and peach pie…Katniss?” He looks over to see me with my eyebrows raised. “I have to check with her, Mom. She might be going home for Thanksgiving.”

Sitting next to me, Peeta gives me a quick kiss.

“I have to go,” he tells his mother. “Okay, don’t worry. I’ll be there early. Love you, too.”

Hanging up, Peeta puts his face in his hands and lets out a muffled yell.

“How’s your mom?” I ask with a grin on my face.

“Oh, she’s just peachy,” he responds as he sits back. “Just wanted to invite us to Thanksgiving at their house and tell me how she’s paid off most of my Yale debt, not even bothering to mention that I contributed to help pay it off as per our agreement.”

“Hey now…” I reach over and flick his chin. “Parents are always going to give you a hard time. When I used to tell my mom about going into music composition, we used to have all-out brawls.” Smiling, I remember the slammed doors, calling my Dad at work to complain, and sitting in my room writing lyrics about the unfairness of parents. “But, they care. We don’t realize that until it’s too late.”

Peeta puts an arm around me and my head goes to his shoulder. “I know.” He places a kiss to the top of my head. “I just don’t know how much more I can try to please her.”

“Would it make it easier if I went with you?” I find myself asking.

Peeta looks over at me in surprise. “I thought you’d be going back to Panem.”

I shake my head. “Prim is going to Reno with her friends and my Dad is planning to go out of town with Gale’s parents. I thought that I would be spending my first Thanksgiving in Manhattan with Cato.”

We go silent.

So much regret runs through my mind—and none of it has anything do with Peeta and me. It has more to do with my inability to let go of what is safe. I regret deciding to come to Manhattan with Cato when I could’ve come by myself.

I had received my acceptance into Julliard before he got his job.

I just never told him.

“Katniss,” Peeta whispers in my ear. “What are you thinking about?”

“About regret,” I tell him. “Do you think we would’ve met if Cato and I didn’t move in with you?”

“Gale was my roommate,” he says, his mouth against my ear. “And, maybe you would’ve come to the bar to see him so you could meet his roommate and his friends. Maybe our eyes would’ve met across the room, just like in the movies…” He gazes at me tenderly. “It’s best to not regret—this is our month, remember?”

I smile up at him. “You would’ve been on stage and I would’ve fallen for your voice first.”

Peeta looks smugly at me, his hand reaching to tuck back a stray tendril from my mussed ponytail. “You would’ve fallen for me?”

“Are you taking me with you?” I respond in exasperation.

He nods before pulling me into a kiss and as we pull away, I find myself unable to ignore the longing in his eyes.

“Katniss Everdeen, will you please join me for Thanksgiving dinner?”

“Love to,” I reply.

Standing up, I turn to face him on the couch. My hands go to the buttons of my top, undoing them slowly, revealing just that sliver of skin between the gaping shirt. My skin puckers under his darkened gaze and slowly I let the shirt fall to the floor.

“Peeta Mellark.” I smile and nod to the open doorway of the bathroom. “Will you please join me for a shower?”

++++++

“Are you feeling better?” I ask Johanna, later that evening.

It’s a slow night and Madge has already left. Thanksgiving weekend is in two days and a lot of our regulars have taken off.

“What do you mean?” Johanna responds crisply as she counts the bills on the bar. Outside, Haymitch is tossing out the bottles and the rest of the garbage. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“You seemed to be upset.” Sitting on the stool across from her, I try to meet her eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She snaps her head up, her dark eyes penetrating. “Do you want to tell me about how you’re fucking Peeta?”

“That obvious, huh?”

Johanna wants honesty. So, I give it to her.

“Yes, you’ve been walking around here for last few days with that orgasmic look on your face.” she tells me. “Was he worth it?”

“Yes.” The word comes from my mouth without even thinking about it. “I know that it won’t last—that when Cato gets back, I’ll have to make some sort of decision.” My mind goes to the image of Peeta, his sweet smile and the way he looks at me when he thinks that I don’t see him. “Something in me, however, calls to Peeta…needs him.”

“Your vagina needs him,” Johanna retorts, her eyes hard.

I find myself shaking my head at her. “You would think that.” I grab my rag from the seat next to me and turn to finish wiping down the tables. “I don’t know why I bothered—”

“Haymitch was married to my cousin,” she suddenly says. I turn to her. “Actually, Maysilee was more than my cousin. She was like my older sister—and I wanted to be just like her.” Putting the money back into the register, Johanna rounds the counter and sits on the stool adjacent to me. “Our moms are sisters and obviously, after all is said and done; I’m not welcome nor is Haymitch to any family functions.”

“Wow.” I place my rag on the counter in surprise. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“What were you expecting?” Her lips curl up. “Some freaky professor-student thing?”

“I don’t know what I was expecting,” I say honestly.

“Maysilee went to school in California and they unexpectedly eloped,” she continues to tell me. “I was pissed because I wanted to be there for the wedding—but, she said that they would be coming back to our hometown and invited me to stay at their place.”

“Was it love at first sight?” I ask and Johanna shakes her head.

“I thought he was rude and condescending.” She looks down at her hands in shame. “I didn’t realize that he was attracted right away. That’s why he tried to push me away.” Johanna meets my eyes and I see that faint brightness of discovering love. “I had just obtained my Masters in Business and he wanted to open a bar.” Johanna looks around the room. “This is the fruits of our labor.”

“Okay, I see that you found some common ground,” I say to her. “But, how did that turn into an affair?”

“He and Maysilee didn’t agree on what they wanted,” Johanna said. “She wanted steadiness—the house, the kids. Haymitch was business-driven and this bar was a big dream of his. They just rushed into the marriage, I think, and didn’t realize that they wanted different things. I’m not making excuses for how _we_ happened—but, he would talk to me about all these ambitions he had. I admired him for them and then it turned into more than admiration.”

Haymitch has conveniently disappeared. It’s as if he knew what Johanna is telling me. I suspect that he knows how lonely she must feel. After all, by getting him, Johanna lost her closest cousin.

“I was going to a party close by and ran into Haymitch right here,” she continues. “He was scouting this building and asked if I wanted to check it out. The realtor had already told him the code for the key box. We just came into this place and fell in love with it. I ran around this place telling him how there was going to be a stage and a jukebox—and before I knew it, we were kissing.”

“How long did it go on?” I dare to ask.

“A year,” she tells me, her eyes suddenly drifting away. “He kept insisting on telling May—Haymitch wanted to, right off. I told him not to—because, I wasn’t sure where it was going. I was already in the middle of love without even realizing it. He was always sure. He had turned that attraction into admiration then to love.”

“And, how did it all fall apart?”

“She caught us together,” Johanna says in a thick voice. “May didn’t catch us in bed, though. She caught us sitting on the bench of their back porch, my head on his shoulder and his lips in my hair. And, she told me that we looked so in love that it made her feel like a fucking idiot. It was right in front of her face and she never put the pieces together. Haymitch didn’t lie to her about how he felt—and neither did I. We left that very day.”

I put a hand on her shoulder. “How about your Mom?”

“I called her on the following Mother’s Day,” Johanna says and I can see a flash of pain in them. “She just asked me not to call. My family was a mess and it was my fault. I have to live with the consequences.” Her eyes meet mine. “I’m happy with Haymitch. I still get scared sometimes. I get scared that he’ll realize that he sacrificed his marriage for someone that he’s not sure is worth it. Or, that some pretty thing will catch his eye. But, at the end of the night—when I’m in his arms, I know it’s where I’m supposed to be.”

She gives me a sad smile.

“Just remember that sometimes, sacrifices have to be made for happiness,” she warns. “You remind me a lot of myself. I don’t want you feel this kind of pain or loss. So prepare yourself, Katniss—because one day, it’s all going to come full circle.”

++++++

“KATNISS!” Rowe pulls me into a hug. “You look so beautiful!”

“Thanks.” I look down at the simple rust-orange wrap dress that Madge lent me. “I don’t usually wear this color.”

“It looks gorgeous on you,” she replies and her eyes go to Peeta, who is talking to Jax. “And, it’s Peeta’s favorite color…so, what’s going on?”

My mouth goes dry as I try to come up with an answer. Peeta tells me that he never told the rest of his family that we weren’t involved—only Rowe. He assumed that she would tell everyone else.

Of course, she chose not to.

Peeta’s father approaches, a bright smile on his face. “It’s nice to see you again,” Phil says and pulls me into a gentle, fatherly hug. “I’m sorry that you couldn’t get home to your family—so for today, you can be part of ours.”

Bryce stands behind him and when her husband finally pulls away, she gives me a gracious smile.

“You look lovely,” she says as she kisses my cheek. “How have you been?”

“Busy.” I give her a smile as she leads me down the hall. The rest of the family follows behind us. “School and work. My sister even came to visit.”

“That’s wonderful,” Bryce replies diplomatically.

She’s very much a mystery to me. I mean, she’s nice and all—but behind the pleasantries, I see a cold suspicion towards me.

Going into the dining room, she walks me over to my seat. There are placeholders and I’m right in-between Rowe and Peeta.

Peeta rushes over and pulls my chair out for me. I grin as I sit down and he gently pushes my chair forward. This morning, I helped him shave during our shower and though I miss the fuzz, I like to see his smooth face displaying his prominent dimples. He looks completely different with a dress shirt and tie on.

Everyone takes a seat.

Phil clears his throat to get everyone’s attention.

“Before dinner,” he announces. “As per our tradition, we go around the table and tell each other what we’re grateful for.” Phil winks at me. “Just wanted to give the newbie some time to think up an answer.”

“I’ll go first,” Rowe says enthusiastically. She’s like an excited child, her blonde curls bouncing with her. “I’m grateful that we’re all here today, that we have some fresh meat…” Peeta’s sister looks to me and I snort at her jovially. “…and that the store will be expanding starting at the beginning of next year!”

Everyone applauds and Rowe beams at the attention.

“Now you can pick who goes next,” her father tells her.

“Okay…” Rowe looks around before her eyes land on Peeta. “Dear little brother, you’re next.”

Peeta clears his throat. “I’m grateful for my family, my friends, my music, and—” His eyes meet mine. “—midnight walks.”

I blush thinking of our numerous walks home—his arm around my shoulder, warmth and protectiveness surrounding us.

“So can you pick already instead of staring at your girlfriend?” Jax asks in amusement and I look down to hide my face which is probably scarlet now. “I’m starving!”

Peeta glares at his brother. “Fine, Jax—you’re next!”

So the Mellarks continue their tradition of sharing what they are each grateful for. Jax boasts about his new client at the firm while Phil talks about his excitement over the upcoming dinner that he and Bryce prepared for their family.

“I’m grateful that we are all together,” Bryce says. “That my husband decided to forgo deep-frying our turkey—”

“Last year, we had to have Chinese since Dad attempted to deep-fry a turkey and started a small grease fire,” Peeta whispers in my ear and I chuckle quietly against him.

Under the table, he takes my hand.

“I’m also grateful for our children, all healthy and happy, though some of them still need to find their way….”

Bryce looks to Peeta.

He gives her a frustrated groan. “Mom, seriously?”

“Just saying,” Bryce says, hands up in surrender.

Then, they are all staring at me.

Clearing my throat, I give them a shaky smile. “I’m grateful for my family though they are far away, my friends, new and old, but most of all…” I turn to look at Peeta. “…I’m grateful for you. Because you make me do things that I never thought I would.” I think of those times that I’ve allowed him to hear me sing or he’s cajoled me into a silly dance at Haymitch and Johanna’s bar. “You inspire me.” My mind goes to the piece that I work on for Beetee. “You protect me during our midnight walks—and you take care of me.”

He lifts our joined hands, his eyes trained on me, and kisses my knuckles gently.

“We take care of each other.”

++++++

That night when we get home, Peeta gently unwraps my dress from my thrumming body before laying me down on our bed.

I let him, eager to feel his skin against mine, and aching to press my lips to his.

Tonight, it is different.

Tonight, I don’t fuck Peeta. I make love to him, kissing every inch of his burning skin—and unable to stop myself from running my hands against every plane and ridge of him. I’m possessed, leading every move and guiding him into my welcoming body.

“Katniss…”

Every kiss-filled call beckons me bringing me closer to the edge until I fall apart, repeating his name over and over like a litany as he covers my insides in his climax.

When we are done, Peeta lays back and gives me a sated smile.

I want him to tell me that he loves me. The thought hits me like a bolt of lightning.

I think of Johanna’s words; how sacrifices are made for happiness.

In the end, like him, I know I will be hurt, but Peeta is worth it.

God, help me. I think I’m falling in love with him.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks as we lay in bed.

I can’t tell him—not yet. Not when it’s all so tenuous and I’m still involved with someone else.

So, I lie.

“I’m thinking…” I begin as I reach for his guitar, next to the bed, “…that I didn’t finish my song.”

Putting the guitar in front of me, I begin to play and lose myself in the words, the music, and in him.

_“The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_   
_There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me_   
_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall_   
_You say it best when you say nothing at all…”_

* * *

 

Katniss is a perplexing one, isn’t she?

The 2011 Screaming Eagle is wine produced by the Screaming Eagle Winery in Napa. Because of low production and high reviews, it is considered to be a very coveted wine, especially the 2011. The bottle is retailing at around $1000+

A “loosie” is a single cigarette that you can purchase in opposed to a pack.

What a story to come out of Johanna…pretty crazy. I know I wanted to get Haymitch’s story in, but I think we’ll get to him in about two chapters.

Songs: “When You Say Nothing at All”—Alison Krauss

I’m having some health issues, but I’m trying to keep up with my stories, though give me some time. It’s been a hard time, but please keep me in your prayers.

As always, feedback is welcome.

Until next chapter, JLaLa


	8. Peeta

Thank you for all of your wonderful support! Not only with my work but with my health issues. You are wonderful people.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Eight: Peeta_ **

_Two Weeks Later…_

“I need love, love…to ease my mind…”

Singing along to the radio, I flip the pancake easily into the air before catching it with the pan in my hand.

There’s a soft laugh followed by some clapping and I see Katniss leaning against the open doorway of the kitchen.  Approaching, I admire those long, tanned legs against my black V-neck and that bright smile on her rose lips.

Katniss is beautiful and she is mine.

At least for the rest of the month, she is.

Wrapping her arms around my waist, Katniss pushes up on her tiptoes to give me a kiss. I can’t help but deepen it, dipping my tongue into her mouth and tasting that bit of myself on her lips.

She spent the morning kissing me awake; demanding breakfast and love-making. I obliged, pulling her on top of my morning wood and letting my eyes take in how beautiful Katniss looked as she rode me. I’m hard again just thinking about our morning tryst—her grey eyes suddenly black licorice with hunger, her mouth open as she moaned, and her breasts bouncing with each movement.

Katniss came quickly, her pussy clenching tightly around me.

Then, she was suddenly scrambling down my body so she could wrap her lips around my dick—tasting, sucking, and drawing me into an orgasm that had me shouting her name into the silent morning air.

Her lips move along mine as she speaks, “I didn’t know you were a Supremes fan.”

“I actually like the Phil Collins version better,” I respond.

“Blasphemy,” she tells me with an amused smile. “If Diana Ross was here, she’d rip you to shreds with her diva powers.”

“It’s a good thing that she isn’t.” I press a kiss to her forehead. “I can only deal with one diva at a time.”

Katniss smacks my chest lightly before going to the fridge and retrieving the carton of orange juice. She opens the carton and I watch her dip her head back, dark waves falling, and my shirt riding up just enough for me to see that she has foregone underwear.

She stops and then looks to me. “Your pancake is burning.”

“What?” I’m so distracted by that small thatch between her legs that I only snap out of my daze when the stinging scent of burnt batter hits my nose. “SHIT!” I turn the stove off quickly and look down at the charred pancake. “I always mess up the first one.”

“You need to pay attention,” Katniss admonishes and then smiles playfully at me. “You’re making me wait for breakfast!”

After I dump the pancake into the garbage, I put the pan back onto the stove then turn to give her a slight scowl.

“Come here,” I beckon her and Katniss shakes her head, her mouth trying to keep herself from laughing at my ire. “Katniss…”

She takes off running, her shirt flying up, and I’m instantly hard catching a glimpse of her firm bottom as she escapes the kitchen. Rushing out after Katniss, I hear her laughter as she runs into the hallway leading into our bedrooms.

“Katniss!” I hear her muffled snort in my bedroom. Immediately, I undo the drawstring of my pants and peel off my smoke-scented shirt in the hallway. Walking into the room, I find her sitting on my bed, legs uncrossed and an unrepentant look in her chuckling eyes. “That wasn’t very nice—leaving me with that burnt pancake mess.”

“I apologize,” she tells me, her eyes on my bare chest. “Tell me how I can make it up to you.”

“Shirt.” The word comes out of my mouth without warning.

I need to see her. I need to see that beautiful skin. I need to touch her.

I need her.

Katniss doesn’t answer—she doesn’t need to.

Instead her hands reach for the bottom of my shirt as she slowly pulls it over her head revealing her rich skin, flat stomach, and plush breasts. Her nipples are tight from the cool air and my lips ache to warm them, to flick each tight bud with my tongue and to hear her moan against me.

“Pants,” she tells me, her eyes going to my erection. “I need to apologize properly.”

Pushing my pajama bottoms off my hips, I go to join her on our bed. Katniss makes room for me to sit and I lay back next to her. She smiles gently before she leans down to press our lips together.

I love her.

This singular thought runs through my head. I wonder if she feels even a degree of what I feel.

Sometimes, I catch her looking at me and maybe I want to believe that I see that light in her eyes—the kind that’s saved for the one person that you want to wake up to each morning, the one who turns your day around with one smile, one kiss.

Maybe it’s wishful thinking.

“You’ve gone away,” Katniss whispers into my ear. She lays her head down next to mine, a grin on her lovely face. “Where did you go?”

“I went here.” My finger points to where her heart beats. Katniss’ face lights up.

There it is—that look.

Sitting up, I move her long hair off her neck and press a kiss to her pulse point. She sucks in a breath as she settles onto her stomach, her front along our firm mattress. I continue, my mouth creating a necklace of kisses along her long neck before I travel down her smooth back.

Katniss has a small brown birthmark along her shoulder. It looks like a bird with its wings spread. It’s the only spot on her otherwise unblemished back. Every time I see it, I have to give it a kiss.

Because I don’t know when I’ll see it next. Time is passing and soon Cato will return home.

But until then, I’m going to kiss this spot and every other part of her skin for that matter. My mouth continues along her spine and I move to lay down atop her gently, my forearms keeping me from completely draping over her. Her legs move apart, giving me room to rest my cock along her full ass and my tip just teasing her dripping entrance.

Katniss looks over her shoulder, a soft smile on her lips. “Now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?”

I don’t respond; instead I kiss her before plunging into her without warning.

“AHH!”

Katniss keens, her mouth dropping open at the intrusion and that spike of pleasure of feeling myself wrapped inside of her takes over. She turns to look back at me and I see that manic hungry expression in those molten greys.

“Feels good,” she tells me, her voice trembling with want. “Do it again.”

My eyes go to her firm cheeks, seeing my cock wet with her fluids as I pull out—the single sexiest thing that I’ve ever seen—before I thrust in once more.

This time, however, Katniss meets me midway and the explosive feeling of being nestled against her full globes as I’m balls-deep in her snatch has me letting out a flood of expletives.

“You like it,” she teases breathlessly, her cheeks flushed.

“Yes, keep doing that and I’m going to come,” I promise her.

Katniss nods and I think that it is over.

However, instead she continues to thrust her ass against me. The angle of the position causes her grip on my cock to be even tighter and though I’m supposed to have the upper hand, Katniss is in control.

She is always in control.

I can feel my release coming and I’m begging myself to hold off until she comes first. Katniss knows that I’m close because she begins to move faster, unrelenting in her movements, and her moans filling my ear.

“PEETA!” I feel her pulsing around me and she lets out a wail as she comes tautly around my pulsing cock.

“KATNISS!” I’m seeing stars as I cover her insides. “I LO—”

She pulls my mouth against hers in the aftermath of our climaxes.

Pulling away, I move off of her glistening body as I recover, gasping for breath.

“Sleep now,” Katniss tells me, her hand moving to my hair.

Before I close my eyes, I see thatlook again.

As I fall into a deep slumber, I think I hear her voice hush against my ear.

“Me, too.”

++++++

I wake up to an empty bed.

However, I can hear Katniss outside the room as I slowly sit up, catching just a little bit of her conversation. There’s an exasperated tone in her voice and something tells me that she is talking to Cato.

It’s still mid-afternoon and I know that she doesn’t have a shift at Haymitch’s bar until later so we had planned to spend the day…lounging.

A call from her boyfriend has changed all of that.

“I can’t just be at your beck and call, Cato.” I hear her say as I pull my pajama bottoms back on. “I have school and I have work! You told me that I had to find other things to occupy myself and the moment I do—you’re upset.”

Walking out into the hall, I go to the doorway across from mine where Katniss is sitting in her perfectly made bed. She hasn’t slept in it in a while.

“I know you put in an effort into making these calls,” she continues and our eyes meet briefly. “But, I can’t just leave my classroom or take a break at work—oh, that’s _real_ mature, Cato!” Katniss jumps from her seat pacing furiously as she talks. “Listen to me. I’m not going to argue with you about this over the phone. It’s counter-productive. You’re wasting your phone card by yelling at me.” There’s a pause. “Okay, fine…you, too.”

Hanging up, Katniss places her phone on the bed and then sits down, her face falling into her hands.

“You okay?” I ask tentatively at the doorway.

She looks up at me, weariness inside her lovely greys and I immediately go to her knowing that I’m in forbidden territory.

But, Katniss needs me.

“Cato told me to keep myself busy,” Katniss says quietly. “Now, he is upset because I didn’t pick up the phone right away.”

“Did he call while we were together?” I ask and she nods.

“I woke up next to you. It was so peaceful, so safe…” Katniss stops for a moment and I almost think that she wants to say something else. Instead, she continues her story. “Then my phone rang and it was in the living room so I got up. Cato was upset because apparently I’m not answering fast enough or not answering at all.” I can see the hurt in her eyes and though I feel slightly jealous by her angst, I can also understand it. “He just never seems to be happy with me.”

I put an arm around her and she rests her head on my shoulder. “Was it always like that?”

“I don’t know,” Katniss replies in a small voice. “Maybe it was but I just never noticed until—” She looks to me and gives me a sad smile. “Well, whatever you and I are.”

“Katniss, I don’t want to be one of the reasons that you and Cato are falling apart,” I tell her.

“You’re not,” she assures me. “There have always been problems between Cato and me. You are not a contributing factor. You’re more of a guidepost. You show me the kind of person that I have always been. And, if Cato and I fall apart in the end—it will be because of my own choices and actions.”

A smile rises on my lips. “I’m your guidepost?”

“Peeta, you have been an unbelievable…” Katniss laughs softly. “…whatever you are to me. I don’t know what I would be doing with myself.”

I reach forward to cup her cheek. “You would have found your way, sweetheart.”

She smiles before tenderly pressing her lips to mine. It’s a different kind of kiss than the usual one.

It’s the kind of kiss that a girl gives her guy.

I’m happy to have ever felt something like this and yet so sad because I know that she won’t be mine for much longer.

Even if she’s not mine, I don’t want her to be Cato’s either. Their relationship is toxic. All the things that I’ve discovered and grown to love about her, I fear could be lost once he comes back.

I can’t have that happen to her.

The world can’t lose everything brilliant about her.

I can lose everything brilliant about her.

“You haven’t eaten,” I say after a moment. “Let me have another go at the pancakes.” I look at her in my black shirt. “But for the love of breakfast—put some underwear on and don’t distract me!”

She snorts before reaching to smack me with a pillow.

++++++

“It’s a great idea,” Haymitch tells Thresh and me as we sit at our usual table. “It’ll bring in a crowd.”

“Just depends on the system that you get,” Thresh responds as he takes a swig from his bottle.

“What are we talking about?” a deep voice suddenly asks.

I look up to see Finnick and Annie joining us. The engaged couple wave to Katniss and Madge as well as Johanna who is walking over to the table with a Corona for Finnick and an Anchor Steam for Annie.

“The karaoke system that Haymitch wants to get,” Johanna informs the couple. “I think it’s a waste of money but we have had a few requests.” She sits down on Haymitch’s lap, handing Annie and Finnick their bottles.

“You could do a test run,” Katniss suddenly says, who has appeared to put down another bottle for myself and Thresh. “Maybe once a month. Also, you can do some advertising. I can put up a flyer or two at Julliard and maybe Thresh can put something up at NYU. Annie—you can even put a flyer up at the window of your store.”

Haymitch looks to Johanna. “You see? It can be done.”

“Well, don’t come crying to me when we’re begging Peeta for bread,” Johanna retorts though it’s obviously all in jest. There’s an assurance in her eyes when she looks at Haymitch—as if she knows that no matter what she does or says, he’s going to be there.

“You can have the bigger part of the cardboard box that we live in,” he tells her before looking to Katniss. “If you want to create some sort of advertisement that would help.”

Her face scrunches and she shakes her head.

“I said that I’d pass out some flyers,” Katniss tells him. “Not make them.”

“I’ll help.” Haymitch looks to me, a questioning look on his face as I volunteer. “I can draw a bit.”

“I have a copy machine at the firm that I intern at,” Finnick adds. “So don’t worry about going somewhere to make copies.”

Katniss is signaled over by her usual evening bowling group and heads over but not before giving me a quick ‘thank you’ wink.

I nod and give her a smile. When I look back to the group, I see Johanna frowning at me. It’s clear that she knows about me and Katniss.

“I better prepare for my set,” I tell everyone.

“Break a leg, Peeta,” Annie says jovially. “There’s a bunch of chicks in the back waiting for your performance.”

“Knowing Peeta, he’s probably already picked one out,” Finnick tells his fiancée.

Thresh gives me a pointed look. “He’s been too busy talking to me to make a choice.”

My friend is aware of what’s going on between Katniss and me. He probably knew before I did. Thresh, however, chooses not to comment on the situation nor does he offer advice. He knows that I’ll ask for help when I need it.

Getting up, I go up to the stage where my guitar is already propped against a stool for me. Johanna steps onto the stage as I adjust the microphone and hands me a bottled water.

She makes sure that the mic is off before looking to me again. “I know what you two are doing.”

“I could tell,” I reply. “You look like you want to stab me every time I even glance at Katniss.”

“Has she told you anything—about me?”

I shake my head. “Katniss wouldn’t tell me something that she thought you wouldn’t want me to know.” My eyes go to the dark-haired girl rushing along the crowded tables. “It’s not her style to gossip.” I turn to Johanna. “She wouldn’t break your trust.”

“You better not be playing with her,” Johanna warns.

She really cares for Katniss.

“The only thing that I want is for her to do what’s right for her,” I respond. “Not for Cato, not for her family, and especially not for me. Katniss should be her own first priority.” Johanna nods after a moment and walking over to her, I place a kiss on her cheek. “Thank you for being such a good friend.”

The woman in front of me blushes. Behind her, Haymitch scowls good-naturedly while Katniss stares to us in curiosity.

“Break a leg, Peeta,” Johanna tells me after a moment—that trace of suspicion subsiding in her dark eyes.

++++++

My set goes well. Haymitch’s crowd is as usual very mellow and enjoy my covers. The bowling team that Katniss regularly serves shouts out requests and I oblige by singing The Beatles ‘ _Come Together_ ’ to which the team sings along.

One of the older guys even gets Katniss to dance with him and I try not to waver watching her beautiful smile as she laughs at the man’s sleek steps.

As I get down to my last song, the girls in the back are shouting for my attention.

“What can I help you with ladies?” I ask into the mic genially.

“DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?” one of them shouts across the room.

My friends at the front table let out a laugh at the question.

Looking over to the bar, I see that Katniss is resting her tray and also awaiting my answer.

I shake my head at the group. “Sorry ladies, I don’t kiss and tell.”

“WELL, DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?” another one calls out.

Thresh stands up, a little tipsy from the beer. “That’s me!”

“Sit down, Thresh,” I respond into the microphone. “By the way, my friend in front here is single and available—but pining for a girl who’s all the way in California.”

Thresh scowls and gives me the finger.

“Moving on,” I say as I prop my guitar back onto my lap. “My next song has been a little reworded…for personal reasons.”

My eyes find Katniss who is still at the bar though now she is avoiding my gaze.

Clearing my throat, I place my lips to the microphone.

_“Call your boyfriend_   
_It's time you had the talk_   
_Give your reasons_   
_Say it's not his fault_   
_But you just met somebody new…”_

I pour myself into the song, my fingers seamlessly plucking out the melancholy tune on my guitar. I know how pathetic I sound—I’m almost begging her to pick me, choose me, be with me…love me.

When I look up, I can see that Katniss is frozen in place as she stares into my eyes.

_“Don't you tell him how I give you something that you never even knew you missed_   
_Don't you even try and explain how it's so different when we kiss…”_

What a mess we’ve become. There’s no doubt about what’s happened between us. Annie, Finnick, even Madge look between the two of us and I realize it’s because this entire time, I’ve been looking into those grey eyes.

The eyes that I’ve been awakening to in the morning, the eyes that can break me and mend me at the same time.

I’m in love with her.

And, I’m pretty damn sure by the look in those grey eyes that she’s in love with me.

++++++

“That was some performance,” Katniss remarks when we finally walk out of Haymitch’s bar.

I don’t reply instead stuffing my hands into my pockets.

I can’t look at her. I could hardly look at any of our friends as I sat back down after being onstage. Annie was practically turning red trying to keep herself from asking questions. Finnick and Thresh quickly led her away with Thresh telling me that he would call tomorrow.

Katniss stands in front of me, blocking me from continuing our way back home.

“Are you not going to talk to me?” she asks.

“What can I say?” I respond as I look into her eyes. “I’m in love with you, Katniss. I know it’s going nowhere but I can’t help it. And, I know that somewhere deep inside—you’re in love with me, too.”

“Peeta…”

Her hand reaches for me and I step back. I know that if I let her near me, I will beg her to leave Cato for me. If she did, where would she be?

In a relationship with a shady past.

I don’t want to hide us. I want to be able to tell everyone that we’re together.

“You should go ahead,” I tell her. Katniss looks shocked and a little hurt by my actions. I give her a quick kiss and her gaze softens. “I just need to walk off this embarrassment.”

Nodding, she wraps her arms around my neck and gives me another kiss. “Come home soon.”

I watch her walk down the street before heading in the opposite direction.

Making a turn, I find myself running into the solid body of Haymitch.

“Where you headed?” he asks as I pull back. His eyes look over me in concern when I don’t reply. “You know Johanna said that I should come talk to you. I’m starting to think that she was right.”

I grin in spite of myself. “Johanna is amazingly intuitive.”

“Come on,” Haymitch says and leads me back over to the bar. He unlocks the door and I walk into the now-empty room. Going to the counter, I hop onto a stool as Haymitch reaches under the bar and grabs a bottle of whiskey. “I think you need this tonight.”

I laugh as he takes out a glass and pours a bit of the liquid into it. “What makes you think that?”

“Peeta,” Haymitch starts. “I’m not one to judge. I’ve made my own bunch of messes.” He rounds the bar counter then sits on the stool next to me. “I don’t suppose that Katniss told you about me and Johanna.”

Shaking my head, I take a sip from my glass. “No, she didn’t.”

“I was married to Johanna’s cousin,” he informs me before grabbing the whiskey bottle and taking a gulp from it.

“Holy shit….” I seize the bottle from him and pour myself another glass.

“Yeah,” he responds. “I met Maysilee while she was in school and one day we decided that we wanted to get married. We went down to the local City Hall near her college and just did it.” His usually light face is pained by the memories of his former wife. “Then we decided that we wanted to move back to her hometown. May kept on telling me that she had this cousin who she was really close to—and that her cousin was pissed for not being at our wedding.”

“Johanna,” I state and he nods.

“My God—the first time I saw Johanna?” Haymitch grins to himself. “I just fell hard. It was like a bolt of lightning. I shook her hand and it was like butterflies in my goddamn stomach. I knew that I just had to have her.” His face falls. “I tried to keep away. That first year, I was a complete dick. I gave Johanna no reason to like me.”

I place my glass down. “When did that change?”

“Johanna and I had our ambitions,” he tells me. “I wanted to open a bar while Johanna was shopping around for business firms that she wanted to join. I offered to let her help me out to get this bar going. During that time, May and I were falling apart. We rushed into marriage, each one not knowing the person they married. I couldn’t be the steady person that she wanted and she couldn’t be…Johanna.” He sighs to himself. “I know how wrong it sounds.”

“I can’t judge you,” I reply. “I’m in love with Katniss. I know that I’m going to get hurt but I keep coming back. I keep wanting more.”

“Maybe it’s because you know there is more,” Haymitch says. “That no matter how hard you try to stop yourself, you’re always going to want to hold her—to kiss her. And, that somewhere deep inside you know that she feels it, too.”

“So what can I do?” I ask him.

“Ride out what time you have left,” he advises me. “Make it mean something. Make her remember you.”

Nodding, I stand up and leave the bar.

I need to go home.

Walking out into the cold air, I rush down those few blocks towards our apartment and anxiously ascend on the elevator to our floor. The hallway is empty and when I walk into our apartment, it is silent.

Katniss is waiting for me in my room. She sits up immediately as I take off my jacket.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” I tell her as she helps me undress down to nothing but my boxers.

“No,” she says quietly. Her eyes meet mine. “I understand, Peeta. I understand more than you realize.”

We both lay down, content to just wrap ourselves together—to be safe in our own little cocoon.

Here is where we can love one another freely.

“I need you,” I whisper into her ear.

Katniss looks up, tears in her eyes as she smiles softly at me.

“I need you, too,” she tells me.

It’s as close to an ‘I love you’ as we can say.

++++++

“Thank you! I’ll be here all week!” Thresh calls out into the mic as the crowd cheers.

He has just finished an awesome rendition of ‘Redemption Song’. It was perfect for his gravelly yet melodic voice. Joining me as well as Annie and Finnick at the table, he high-fives the three of us.

“So which one of you losers is next?” he asks as he sits down.

Madge walks over to place a beer bottle in Thresh’s hand and gives him a smile. “For our very own Bob Marley.”

It was Johanna’s idea to draw in a crowd. A free beer for anyone who decides to participate and sing onstage using their new karaoke system. It worked out perfectly as the place is packed with their usual customers as well as some new people from Juilliard and NYU. Annie’s boho-chic customers are currently drinking cosmos at the table adjacent to us while a classmate from Thresh’s poetry class is singing something from Ace of Base.

“Well, we’re all sick of hearing Peeta’s voice,” Finnick says and he looks to Annie. “How about you, love?”

“Yeah, you’ve heard me sing,” Annie retorts and then looks to us. “We’re hoping that any offspring won’t inherit my voice.”

Finnick and Annie have all but chosen to not ask about the incident from a few days ago. I’m pretty sure that Thresh or even Haymitch has something to do with that.

“How about you?” I ask Madge. “I’m sure that you have some decent chops.”

She shakes her head, her face flushing. “I am way too shy for that.”

“You? Shy?” Katniss rolls up behind her. “The stories you’ve told me say otherwise.”

Madge takes the rag from her apron and smacks Katniss’ bottom with it as she walks to the table next to us to take their order.

“I’d like to see you go up there,” Madge retorts.

Katniss’ eyes briefly meet mine and I warm at our contact.

“Maybe,” she tells Madge. “Since I like you so much.”

“I dare you,” Thresh says to Katniss.

Whipping around after taking her table’s order, Katniss meets his eyes challengingly.

“You shouldn’t have dared me.”

“How about I get another round for us?” I suggest to calm the atmosphere.

Annie and Finnick agree and I go to the bar where Haymitch and Johanna are talking to one of the regulars. I recognize him as the guy who danced with Katniss before my infamous performance.

When he spots me, the man smiles widely before turning to the couple. “Your young musician!”

“He’s not ours,” Johanna snorts and the man lets out a hearty laugh.

Haymitch turns to me for introductions. “Peeta, meet Plutarch Heavensbee.”

I start hearing the man’s name. “Heavensbee? As in the jazz artist?”

The man nods. “When my band and I aren’t performing, we’re usually bowling.” He nods over at the group in the corner and I faintly remember seeing the woman with the long silver hair on an album cover of his. The group waves at us. “We’ve been following your work for some time now. If you ever want to jam…”

“I’m flattered,” I tell the man.

“You came highly recommended from your biggest fan,” Plutarch tells me.

I laugh skeptically. “I have a fan?”

The man grins. “Yup.” He looks behind me. “Her.”

Turning, I look to see Katniss up on stage swaying to the slow tune, her mouth against the mic.

She looks over and my heart leaps as she smiles at me.

“I never took her as a Madonna fan,” Johanna says as she stops working to listen.

_“I have a tale to tell_   
_Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well_   
_I was not ready for the fall_   
_Too blind to see the writing on the wall…”_

Katniss has captivated the entire bar with her voice, even the whipping air seeping through the bar room door has silenced.

I’m a goner.

“Wow, what a voice,” Plutarch remarks. “Very solid. You must be proud of your girl.”

I can’t help but reply, “I am.”

Her eyes remain solely on mine, drawing out my courage, my support, and my love as she serenades me.

_“Hope I live to tell_   
_the secret I have learned, 'till then_   
_It will burn inside of me…_

_The truth is never far behind_   
_You kept it hidden well…”_

I look around the room. Madge is in the corner of the bar, wiping her eyes as she watches her fellow waitress onstage. Annie and Finnick have actually gotten up to dance while Thresh grins and shakes his head. I’m pretty sure that he made a bet with Katniss—and now he’ll have to pay.

Listening behind the bar, Johanna leans back against Haymitch’s chest, his arm draped across her front protectively and his chin resting on the top of her head.

I’m beaming with pride for Katniss. She was always so scared about showcasing how amazing and unique she really is. Cato is a fool for never seeing her as anything else but his girlfriend.

As the song comes to an end and the thunderous applause engulfs the room, I rush to the front as she jumps from the stage towards me.

We meet in the middle, cheers surrounding us and I reach to cradle her hands in my face.

“I’m so proud of you.” I can hardly speak so choked in my awe in her. “So, so proud…”

“I did it, Peeta.” Katniss beams at me. “I never would’ve done it if you—”

“Katniss…” My thumb moves over her lips and she presses a kiss to the pad.

“Peeta…” Her voice wavers my name though her eyes boldly meet mine. “I lo—”

“What’s going on?”

We both turn and my hands drop from Katniss’ face.

Standing before us is Katniss’ best friend and my former roommate, Gale.

And, he does not look happy.

* * *

 

I never understand why I end chapters like this. Maybe it’s because I enjoy your anger.

I’m a bit of a sadist.

Anyway, I always like to mix up the music. My husband is very much about the dance music and R&B thus the reason Robyn’s “Call Your Girlfriend” was used. Also, he’s been telling me that this song reminds him so much of this story.

I am of the old school eighties/nineties music and that is how you got Madonna’s “Live to Tell” in this chapter. We own the “True Blue” LP on vinyl and it is one of my favorite albums to date.

There’s a slight quote referencing Grey’s Anatomy if you’ve seen it. Also, Katniss and Peeta switch dialogue from the books in certain parts—don’t know if you noticed.

I never add canon characters in for no specific motive so Heavensbee is in here for a reason.

Obviously, Gale is not happy and we’ll get more into that—in the next chapter.

Also, while Peeta did say that he’s in love with Katniss. I feel like there’s definitely a difference between “in-love” and “love” to him. I almost think that he’s sees love as a longevity while being in love is fleeting. Just wanted to clear that up.

I’m not sure but I feel this story ending in about four or five chapters—but there is a slight twist at the end. You’ll see when we get there.

Until then, JLaLa


	9. Katniss

Thank you for all the love and support. You are all wonderful people!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Nine: Katniss_ **

This is the longest moment of silence that I have ever experienced.

I have to wonder how it could all go from absolutely wonderful to positively horrifying in a matter of seconds. Only moments ago, I was standing onstage belting out Madonna’s “Live to Tell” and realizing how the song uncannily spoke to me.

From where I stood, I could see Peeta staring at me as he spoke to Heavensbee. He looked so proud of me. On that stage I could pretend that I was his girl; that we weren’t having an affair behind Cato’s back and I was just a woman singing to her man.

It was in that moment that I couldn’t wait to tell him how I felt.

I loved him.

Not just in love with him, but I loved him. There is a difference and I know it now. “In love” can only last so long before it can meld into “love”. This is the hardest transition for couples because after the glow of being in love is gone—where do you stand?

I know that in the end, it’s not possible for us. What we have is too fucked up to last. But, I can love him despite all of that. I can love him near and far and while I still have him in front of me.

I wanted him to know that.

As soon as I finished singing, I made my way to him determinedly as Peeta met me halfway, his hands immediately cradling my face.

This was the moment. I could see nothing but his bright blue eyes in front of me.

“Peeta…I Io—”

“What’s going on?”

That stern voice brought me back to my childhood, of being bossed around and being taught how to shoot an arrow or even a BB gun like one of the guys.

That voice brought me back to a warning about being too involved with Cato at such a young age.

Gale had returned.

++++++

I finally recover my voice.

“G-Gale,” I manage to stammer. “What are you doing here?”

“What are _you_ doing, Katniss?” my best friend asks in a cold voice. Gale shakes his head at me before his steel eyes go to Peeta. “And, what are you doing to her, Peeta?”

I can feel my anger rising. “Peeta isn’t doing anything that I haven’t allowed him to do.”

Both of them turn to me, their gazes the opposite of one another. Gale is indignant and a little shocked while Peeta’s stare is pleased at my defense.

“BABY!”

Madge rushes over to Gale, her arms wrapping around his neck and her long legs going around his waist. She leans down and kisses him thoroughly. The crowd around us starts cheering at their passionate reunion.

My pretty friend opens her eyes to briefly wink at me.

Taking Peeta’s hand, I lead him towards the exit and out the door.

Once we are outside, Peeta looks to me worriedly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I reply. “We knew this was going to happen eventually.”

“I didn’t think that it would happen so soon,” Peeta replies as he takes my hand to encircle me in his arms. “You think he’s going to tell Cato?”

“Doesn’t matter now,” I tell him, surprisingly bold despite the situation. “I love you.”

Pulling away, Peeta looks jubilant at my words. His fingers move to brush my chin before lifting it to meet his eyes.

“I love you,” he says. “You know that. You’ve always known that.”

I nod and despite already knowing it, my eyes fill at his words.

“Katniss.” Turning, I look to find Gale coming out sans Madge. “What the fuck?”

“Listen, Gale,” Peeta begins. “Don’t take it out on her. You know that she isn’t the kind of person to do anything hurtful.”

“No.” I step in front of Peeta. “Your issue is with me, Gale. I get it. I fucked up. I’m willing to take the blame, but it doesn’t matter anyway. What’s done is done and I can’t go back.” My hand reaches for Peeta. “I care for him. I love him.”

“And, what about Cato?” he asks.

I can feel that sheer veneer of guilt break through me. “I-I don’t know.”

Gale looks between us and there’s something in his eyes—a resigned exasperation. It’s an expression that I’m all too familiar with. He’s given it to me many, many times.

“You’re mad,” I state dully.

“Damn right, I’m mad!” Gale suddenly shouts. “This isn’t like you! You’ve never kept a secret from Cato or me. Now, I find out that you’ve been fucking Peeta while your boyfriend is out on assignment—”

“WAIT!” Peeta is suddenly in Gale’s face. “I know what you think. You think that I’m just fucking her. That she’s just another girl. Katniss isn’t just some girl. She is _the_ girl.”

He looks to me, a warm light in his eyes.

“Katniss is intelligent, creative, and fun. She’s unfailingly caring and despite the situation, she is uncommonly loyal to the people who love and care for her, too. So don’t put her in some category based on the person that I was before all this happened.” His hand reaches for mine to give it a squeeze. “Because if you do, you don’t know her at all.”

Gale looks at Peeta for a moment, his eyes full of wariness.

Madge pokes her head out, looking between the three of us, before her gaze settles on Gale.

“You’re staying with me tonight,” she tells…actually demands of my friend.

I haven’t talked to Madge about anything that has happened though I suspect that Johanna might have explained a bit of it to my co-worker. So when I arrived for my shift, Madge didn’t say a word. She simply gave me a hug.

How Gale let go of someone as patient as Madge is beyond me.

She seems to understand that Peeta and I need tonight to comprehend what is happening before sitting down with Gale.

And, Gale will want a sit-down discussion.

My friend looks to us, his stare perturbed by our still-joined hands.

“Tomorrow morning,” Gale tells me, his eyes on me and avoiding Peeta. “We’re going to talk.”

++++++

I stare up at the ceiling of my room, later that night.

After everything, Peeta and I came back to our apartment. Post-Gale, it all looked so different. Our bubble is broken and the reality is that I am cheating. I’m cheating on the boy who I have been with since we were in grade school, the boy who I have experienced all my firsts with.

“But not all my firsts,” I find myself saying out loud.

Because Peeta is the first man that I’ve ever fallen in love with, the first love that has grown from tentative, passionate “in-love” to actual love. With Cato, it had been a sequence of events that led to the conclusion that we loved one another.

Everyone expected it.

Peeta’s love had come unexpectedly and even if I should regret it—I don’t.

Not by a long shot.

Sitting up, I throw open my door and strode over to his half-open door.

 _“Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this,_  
_You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps,_  
_Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this,_  
_You know I want to, but I'm in too deep…”_

The music plays from his computer’s speakers as Peeta sits in his chair poring through Craigslist for apartments on his desktop screen. At the creak of the door, he swivels his chair. I feel my throat close up seeing him without a shirt and my thighs instinctively press together.

Peeta is the first person that I’ve ever wanted…craved to be with.

Sex is secondary to what is going on but I can’t help my body’s response to him.

“Why don’t you have a shirt on?” I ask him.

He chuckles, his eyes moving down my body.

“Because you’re wearing it,” he responds, a grin on his handsome face.

My cheeks go warm as I look down at the pale blue button-down that is his. “Oh, yeah.”

“You okay?” Peeta asks and I shake my head.

His arms are already there, open to me, and I rush over to sit on his lap, my back resting on his chest. His hand is moving my hair off my neck so he can place kisses along my skin and I feel my core warming at the sensation.

“Why does this feel like the end?” I whisper.

“Because we got caught,” he replies. “And, we have to try and explain what the hell is going on when we hardly know what’s going on ourselves.”

I turn my head to meet his eyes. “You’re right. We’ve spent so much time not thinking about tomorrow that it’s gone and snuck up on us.”

“Listen, Katniss.” Peeta presses a kiss to my forehead and my eyes close once more. “I don’t know what’s going to happen but I need you to know that I love you. I’m in too deep to not love you now.”

“I love you, too,” I reply. “It almost doesn’t even feel good enough to just say it because I’ve told Cato the same thing—but it was never at this magnitude.”

His arms wrap around me protectively, burying his face in my hair. “I never doubt you, Katniss. It’s a waste of time to do so.”

“When did you get so smart?” I ask with a smile.

“I have no idea,” Peeta replies. “Loving you is about the smartest thing I’ve ever done. Maybe it’s stemmed from there.”

“Don’t put yourself down like that.” My mind is faintly aware that my bottom is seated on his groin and I can feel him growing underneath me. I shift and Peeta groans into my ear. “You are unbelievably intelligent.” I turn so I can press my mouth to his, to taste and savor him as my tongue explores the inside of his mouth.

His hands reach around to my front to unbutton my top. He only gets halfway through before a hand strays into the opening to caress my breast, his thumb going to roll my tight nipple in-between the pads of his thumb and index finger.

Peeta’s other hand is reaching into the cotton panties that I’m wearing to dip his two middle fingers into my soaked cunt as his thumb moves slowly against my clit.

“Fuck,” I mutter against my clenched teeth.

“May we?” he asks as nips at my ear and I nod insistently.

I rise briefly from my seat and Peeta shifts to move his pants off his hips as I quickly remove my now-sopping panties off my core. Bottoms discarded, my hand reaches back to his velvety-hard cock so I can line it to my center.

Slowly I sit down, impaling myself onto him as I settle, my back once again to his chest.

My God, he feels good inside me.

I arch, my hips pressing down deep onto him and he wraps an arm around my waist.

“Katniss…” He pushes up and I can feel every ridge of him caressing my sheath causing a frisson of hunger to travel through me. “How can I let you go?”

“I don’t know,” I breathe out as my blood runs hot through my body, causing every nerve ending to buzz in pleasure.

My hands reach to each of the armrests and I rise before plunging back down. Deep inside of me, I can feel every part of his cock pressing into that spot between pain and needy pleasure. I’m already aching for release as we begin to quicken our movements. The leverage of the position allows us to find our own rhythm and we settle into a pace that allows me to reach my hand under to caress his heavy sac in my palm.

Peeta lets out a hiss at the sensation. I’ve learn that this is something he enjoys in particular.

His hands cup both my breasts as my nipples are moved between his wet fingers. Somewhere in-between it all, Peeta has licked the tips of them before playing with my sensitive peaks—a move that has me keening into the sensation.

Rolling against him, Peeta grabs my hips, his pelvis thrusting quickly, aching for release. My fingers go to my clit, dipping slightly along my center to dampen my index and middle fingers so I can move them easily around my peaked bud so that we can come together.

I know Peeta enough to know that he won’t come until I do and it’s not very hard for it to happen with me.

“Play with my tits,” I ask in his ear and he complies, his hands going to my breasts and his fingers to my nipples, pinching and teasing.

“I love when you tell me how to make you come, Katniss,” Peeta whispers in my ear. “Nothing is sexier than you knowing how you want me to fuck you—”

I come quickly; my body moving on its own accord as that taut release is finally broken and I feel myself clamping hard around his thick cock.

“PEETA!” My eyes roll back as I scream his name.

I realize how this may be the last time I can let him know how good he makes me feel and so I turn to kiss him. I want him to know that no one will ever make me feel as wanted, as loved as he has in these past few weeks.

I can feel him come inside me—that gratifying warmth of him filling my insides as he moans into my mouth. I can feel the thrill of his climax against our lips.

Breathlessly, we pull apart and I settle back against his lap once he’s pulled out of me.

“Tell me,” Peeta says after a moment and I can hear the pained tremble in his voice. “How can I let you go?”

“I have no idea,” I reply before burying my face into the crook of his damp neck.

++++++

The next morning, we are both ready—and dressed—when Gale knocks on the door.

I open the door and my friend gives me a pointed stare as I widen it to let him in. Peeta is already in the living room and when Gale entered the room in front of me, he stands up.

“Hey,” he greets Gale.

Gale nods before sitting down on the couch and I give Peeta a shrug before sitting down in front of my friend. Peeta sits next to me, much to Gale’s chagrin.

“Madge tells me that she didn’t find out till very recently,” Gale says after we’re all settled.

“Yes.” I nod at his words. “No one knew until two days ago—except for Johanna. She just figured it out.”

“How did it start?” my friend asks.

“I was attracted to Katniss from the start,” Peeta tells him. “She had no interest in me at the beginning—”

“That’s not true,” I interrupt and meet Gale’s eyes. “I was attracted right away. I just chalked it up to something else. I made excuses for it all.”

“Katniss, this isn’t like you,” Gale says to me.

“What?” I ask him. “Taking what I want? Maybe you’re just used to the kind of person I was with Cato.”

“Don’t pull that on me,” my friend responds. “I never wanted you to settle for Cato in the first place. Both of you were too young to settle but you were stubborn—even more so after your Mom died.” Gale’s eyes widened at what he’s said and I can feel Peeta shift, ready to protect me. My hand reaches to steady him. “Oh shit, I’m sorry Katniss. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You’re right,” I tell my friend. “Maybe I needed to feel steady and in control of something when Mom died.” My eyes fill at the thought of her. She would’ve known how to deal with this and help me through it. “But now, I’m not using her being gone as an excuse for wanting Peeta—for loving Peeta. If anything, Peeta has taught me to understand what I wanted for myself. He’s never asked for anything in return. He never even asked me to love him—but I do.”

“We came into this thinking that we could just stop after Cato came back,” Peeta continues, his hand still in mine. “It was stupid of me to think that I could not ignore how wonderful Katniss is. Once I got to know her and I really talked to her, it was like we had known each other for years. Who could ignore a connection like that?” He smiles to himself. “I’m not trying to make excuses for why this happened. It was totally wrong—and I do worry about the consequences. More for herself than for me. But, would I change it all? No fucking way.”

“Now what?” Gale asks us both. He looks to me. “Are you going to break up with Cato?”

I shrug. “I don’t know what I’m going to do when he gets back,” I reply simply.

Gale looks to Peeta. “And are you going to be able to deal with the fact that you’ve broken up a relationship between two people who’ve known each other since childhood? Do you know that our families are all close? That we spend holidays together?”

“I know what I’ve done,” Peeta tells him bluntly. “I know that I have not only ruined a friendship between Cato and Katniss but I’ve also ruined a friendship between myself and Cato—not to mention you and me. Katniss has met my family and it kills me to think how hurt they’ll be when they find out what I’ve done. My parents didn’t raise me to tear relationships apart and I hate to tell them the truth. So trust me, Gale—I know the consequences.”

“You met his parents?” Gale asks me in surprise.

“Over Thanksgiving,” I tell him. “Your parents and Dad were going on a trip. Prim was going to Reno. I thought that I would be spending my first Thanksgiving in Manhattan with Cato.”

“We both knew that he was too ambitious,” Gale wryly informs me.

“A fact that was drilled into me by Prim when she came to visit,” I respond. “Not to mention, she’s never been crazy about Cato. However, her issues were more that I’ve been nothing but some stunted human being since my Mom died. So don’t worry—you weren’t the only person who gave me that lecture.”

Gale looks between both of us. “Are you going to be getting together after all of this?”

Peeta and I look at one another before I respond. “We haven’t gotten that far.”

“It was all very day-by-day,” Peeta adds as he looks to me. “I just wanted her next to me, that’s all.”

And the way he says these words is so wistful, so innocent that I can’t help but turn to cup his cheek—damned if Gale sees it.

Instead, something snaps and Gale stands abruptly. “Katniss. You and I need to talk alone—now.”

++++++

“How mad are you?” I dare to ask as Gale and I walk away from the apartment building.

Gale sighs before responding, “I’m not mad. In fact in some way, I was expecting that this move would help you to realize that you and Cato weren’t compatible,” he tells me. “You lied about getting into Juilliard before he even got that job offer.”

We cross the street and my arm entwines with his. “How did you know?”

“Because I know you,” Gale responds, his tone has softened since being upstairs with Peeta. “Every time you’re scared, you cling to people or places that make you feel safe. I knew that you were scared to come to Manhattan alone. Prim told me that you got your acceptance letter a month before Cato landed his job—then you accepted.” He stops and turns to me. “Has Peeta become your way of coping?”

The suggestion is a valid one. I know that I have run from my fears, clinging to anything and anyone that gave me a sense of relief.

I shake my head. “If anything, being with Peeta has been the scariest thing that has ever happened to me.” Meeting his eyes, I give him a smile. “But, I don’t think I’ve ever felt braver.”

Gale stares at me for a moment. “Katniss, you’ve changed.”

“No, I haven’t,” I tell him with assurance. “I’m just me.”

“Peeta has turned you into the you that I’ve always known was in there,” Gale admits quietly. “But what’s happens after? Are you going to leave Cato and be with him? Because here’s the truth—you go from Cato to Peeta and you’ll be in the exact same place that you were just a few months ago!”

“We don’t know that,” I say but my retort comes out weak. “No one knows where they’ll be in a few months, a few weeks, or a few days—but this month and a half, I’m going to remember it for the rest of my life.”

And, those words come out stronger than I ever knew were possible.

Gale flicks my chin. “I only want you and Cato to be happy. We’ve been together for as long as I can remember. But, I think we could make room for Peeta if he is really what makes you happy, Catnip.” I grin widely hearing my childhood nickname. “And, you really did a number on him. The Peeta upstairs—the one who defended you? The one who looked at you like you were the moon and the stars? That’s not the same man that I said goodbye to.” He kisses my forehead. “You have made him fall in love you. You’ve changed him—for the better.”

“I did nothing but love him,” I respond.

“You have no idea of the effect you can have on people,” Gale says. “You were so busy standing behind Cato that you never saw how great you are.”

“You know what?” I say to him. “I’ve really missed you—blunt asshole that you are.”

And for the first time since our reunion, Gale lets out a bellowing laugh.

++++++

Gale walks me home but he doesn’t come up to the apartment.

He has a meeting in his Manhattan office and will be catching the red-eye to London. The rest of his night will be occupied by Madge who is cooking him dinner before taking him to JFK Airport.

“She really likes you,” I tell him before giving him a hug. I won’t see Gale since I’ll be at the bar tonight. “You might consider inviting her to Panem the next time you make your way home.”

“And, who will you be bringing back home the next time you make your way back?” Gale counters.

I look up to our floor where I know Peeta is waiting for me.

“Let’s just get through the holidays,” I respond diplomatically. “I still have to figure what I’m going to say to Cato when he comes home.”

“When is he getting back?” my friend asks.

“After New Year’s,” I respond with a sigh. “Which is completely appropriate.”

We spent the rest of our time talking about the issues between Cato and me—how we both came to Manhattan with different goals in mind. How I thought we would get closer but it’s been the exact opposite. His ambitions are his primary goal and I can’t fault him for that. However, I thought that I had at least been one of the top priorities on his mind.

“I’m not going to go up,” Gale says. “I think it’s still too weird to see the way you look at one another.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Because if I sit there and watch you two long enough, it’s like you’re a real couple,” he responds truthfully. “I don’t know if I’m ready to see that. Tell Peeta goodbye for me.” Gale holds out his arms. “Come give me one more hug, Catnip.”

I run into his arms without a second thought. My eyes film smelling the familiar scent of home. Although Gale has been living in London for the last few months, I can still smell Panem on him.

“I love you, Gale.” My face is pressed against his jean jacket capturing the last few moments with my pseudo-brother. “Take care of yourself.”

“Love you, too.” His hold on me tightens. “Remind me to sock Cato when I see him—he really needs some sense knocked into him. On the other hand, I think we all do.”

Waving goodbye, I watch him hail a taxi as I wipe my eyes.

In his short visit, Gale has given me a lot to think about.

++++++

I enter the apartment and find Peeta sitting in the same spot we left him. When I walk in, he gives me an anxious smile.

“Has he convinced you to leave?” Peeta asks and I shake my head.

Holding out my hand, I give him an assuring grin. “Let’s go.”

Peeta, wonderful and trusting as he is, takes my hand without argument. I lead him to the entryway and out into our floor’s hallway. After locking the door, I guide him up the stairs towards the roof and walk onto the flat-top roof.

It’s obvious that there has been a party up here: beer bottles and cigarette butts are littered on the ground. There’s that faint smell of marijuana intermingling with the coolness of the winter air.

“What are we doing here?” he asks.

I bring him to the edge where the barrier stands and look out at the setting sun.

Closing my eyes, I breathe in the end of the day as I rest back against Peeta’s strong chest.

“I can feel it coming,” I tell him.

Without having to explain, Peeta seems to understand.

The end of us is approaching.

His arms wrap around my shoulders and I can feel his slow, steady breathing against my ear. “I know.”

We both go quiet as we stare at the bright-orange horizon.

As quickly as we have started, it seems that we will quickly have to end.

“Katniss?” I look over my shoulder and meet his solemn blue eyes. “Do you think we can just freeze this moment?”

Pushing up on my tiptoes, I press a full kiss on his lips before replying.

“Yes.”

* * *

 

The end is near. I can feel it in my bones.

At this point we are four chapters—not counting the epilogue—to the end. I know. It seems quite soon but I often know when we’re getting down to it.

Also, I would not be adverse to a sequel. This story, in some way, might need it.

I’m sure that some of you are probably wondering why Gale wasn’t as angry as you might’ve thought him to be. I actually find Gale in this story as always being the realist. He wasn’t quite a big supporter of Cato and Katniss tying one another down either.

There are some THG lines or similar ones to them anyway…

Songs: Genesis- “In Too Deep”

The next chapter will be **_two weeks later_** and right in time for Christmas in Manhattan.

Next, Chapter Ten: Peeta (Mistletoe…mistletoe…)

Till then, JLaLa


	10. Peeta

Thank you for all of your support. It’s been a crazy month for me! Anyway, please don’t forget to like, subscribe, follow and if you’re inclined—review.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Ten: Peeta_ **

“I don’t know, Peeta,” Heavensbee says to me as my fingers release the keyboard key. “It’s a different sound from what we’re used to.”

“Yeah, it definitely is,” I agree. “But, isn’t that what Alma wanted? A new vibe for the band?”

The sandy-haired man plays with the fedora he holds in contemplation before looking to me with a playful glint in his eyes.

“I suppose what Alma wants, Alma gets,” he responds after a moment. “I tell you, kid. Marrying that woman was one of the best things that I’ve ever done. But, being in a band with her?”

“I feel my ears burning! Are you talking about me again?” Alma walks out from behind the curtain of the stage. She gives me a grin before going to her husband. “Peeta, don’t let this man scare you about marriage!” Tossing her long, silvery hair over her shoulder, Alma puts an affectionate arm around Heavensbee’s shoulders. “He’s really not one to talk. Took him ten years—”

“Alright, woman!” Heavensbee turns to Alma, an adoring light in his dark eyes. “He gets that you’re about the only good thing going on for me.”

Placing a kiss to the top of his head, Alma meets my eyes. “So, what’s wrong with the song?”

“Let me play the tune for you,” I tell her. My fingers go to the keyboard so I can play out the first bar of the song that I’m hoping Heavensbee and his band will play for their Christmas performance.

When I’m done, I look to Alma hoping that she’ll see my vision.

“I know it’s a new sound but you’re playing for a different audience now. You have to grow with them…and I think that this is the perfect song. It’s a hit on the radio right now and I think people will trip over your band’s cover of it.”

The couple looked to one another for a moment, communicating their thoughts through slight gestures and looks. It’s an interesting thing to watch—how couples have a way of speaking through their eyes.

I wonder if there will ever be a time when I’ll have something like that.

Finally, Alma says something. “We can get Boggs to sing lead vocals and Paylor on percussion. Cressie can be on bass.”

“Also…” I meet Heavensbee’s eyes. “You can play the trumpet.”

“It’s done then,” Heavensbee declares before slapping his knee in excitement. “You have a bright future in music production.” He looks at his watch. “Aren’t you meeting a certain girl at Juilliard in a few minutes?”

“Oh crap!” I gather my music sheets into my messenger bag and throw on my pea coat. A fresh set of snow has fallen last night and it is a clear, but frigid day. “Knowing Katniss, she’s probably still at that piano.” Shaking Heavensbee’s hand then giving Alma a kiss on the cheek, I rush off the stage of the theater where their Christmas performance will be in a few days. “I think it’s going to be great.”

“I’m expecting you at our practice tomorrow evening,” Alma tells me. “Bring Katniss if you want.”

I nod before giving the couple a final wave and leaving through the creaky front entrance.

++++++

When I get to the familiar hallway that Katniss’ class is in, I can already hear her smooth playing. I can tell that she’s in the middle of her piece by the slow interweaving of violins—an addition that Katniss asked me about last weekend as we lay in bed.

However when I get to the doorway, I’m surprised to see that Katniss is conducting a small group of musicians. Beetee is accompanying at the piano and gives me a slight nod when he spots me.

There is a sliver of sunlight streaming in through the windows and it hits Katniss, highlighting her dark hair and revealing the slight bit of auburn in it. She holds the baton in her right hand as her other hand floats down elegantly to quiet the flutists to her left.

Beautiful, just beautiful.

This, my Christmas with Katniss, is going to be a precious time for us.

Gale has kept quiet though he is expecting us to tell Cato within the New Year.

How the hell am I going to let her go?

“Peeta?” I shake out of my reverie to find Katniss in front of me already in her magenta toggle coat, a joyful smile on her lips. “What did you think?”

“I think…” Leaning forward, I stand close enough to brush our noses together. “…that I’ve never been prouder.” I reach into my bag and pull out a set of gloves. Katniss grins and holds out her hands. “Also, it is very cold outside.” I carefully slip on one glove then the other as my fingers caress the underside of her wrist. “We want to keep these conductor’s hands nice and warm.”

We wave goodbye to Beetee who is speaking to the rest of his students before walking out of the classroom. When we are out of the building, I put an arm around Katniss’ shoulders as she presses her side to mine.

“What were you really thinking?” she asks as we walk outside into the frosty air.

“That I already know how graceful you are with your hands,” I respond before giving her a gentle kiss. She deepens it, her gloved hands cupping my cool skin as her tongue brushes against mine. As we pull away, I press my forehead to hers before Katniss lays her head against my chest. “Also that I’m really very proud of you.”

Katniss kisses me once more, the warmth of her lips spreading throughout my body. The desperate need to be close to her has me reaching to wrap my arms around her waist. To the outside world, we’re just some couple holding one another on this cold Manhattan day. Maybe that’s why we stay out here with no care as to who might see us.

Because when we are in our apartment, the weight of our actions are everywhere—the rumpled, slept-in sheets of my bed, the discarded clothing strewn along the apartment from last night, and the little doodles of bright-yellow dandelions along her sheet music. Last night, Katniss wanted something to cheer her up and I had nothing but her pen and a yellow highlighter.

She thanked me thoroughly after.

“I’m cold,” she whispers against my mouth. “Let’s go home.”

“As you wish,” I respond in mock-gallantness and she chuckles at my words. We head towards the subway stairs and I take her hand, entwining our fingers. “But really—you’re going to be a great conductor.”

She brings my fingers to her lips; her dark eyes glowing at me and that feeling of great happiness of having her as well as the great sadness of fleeting time washes over my slowly-breaking heart.

“I love you,” Katniss tells me.

I look around the emptying street. “Do you want to stay out just a little longer?”

I’m not ready. I’m not ready to let go of this feeling—of just being us.

As the days pass, I can feel it all slipping through my fingers.

I don’t know how to let go of Katniss anymore. I’m just too in love now.

I can tell that she understands my feelings—that she even feels the same way.

After a moment, Katniss agrees, pressing her body close to mine and entwining our arms together.

“Yes,” she responds in a low, sad voice. “Let’s enjoy the cold a little longer.”

++++++

“Cato called today,” Katniss tells me as we lay in bed, a few days later. “He’s excited to come home.”

“If only he knew what he was coming home to,” I tell her. Katniss sighs, her head on my bare chest. “How are you doing?”

“I don’t know.” She pushes up on her elbow and turns to me. “I wish I could prepare myself but then when I think about what I’m going to say—my mind goes blank.”

“Don’t think that I’m doubting you,” I start and my hand goes to move a stray bang off her forehead. “But, do you really want to leave him?”

“I do,” Katniss assures me. “But, it’s difficult because I’m not just breaking up with him. Like Gale said—our families are all connected. Every Fourth of July, we go to his family’s place and his dad argues with my dad over how to stack the charcoal then Gale’s dad just knocks them into a messy pile. Our Moms would sit together on lawn chairs and laugh at their husbands.” She looks down, her hand smoothing down a wrinkle on the bedsheet. “When my mom died, I wouldn’t get up for days…and Cato’s mom would just come to the house to hold me while I cried. Sometimes she would cry, too. I don’t want to lose his family because I do love them.”

“Do you think that maybe you could fit me into the picture one day?” I dare to ask.

Katniss looks to me, her eyes torn at my question. “Don’t you think that I’ve thought about that? Sometimes, I want to kick myself for not being braver, for not standing up to Cato, and for not coming here on my own. You and I could’ve had something.”

“Hey…hey…” I sit up and Katniss nestles herself against my chest. “We do havesomething. We have now.” I kiss the top of her head and she burrows closer to me, her fingers ghosting over my stomach and towards my lower half. “We have the moonlight and snowy nights…”

“We have Christmas…and mistletoe…” Katniss finishes before looking up at me, her eyes glowing dark with hunger and a hand disappears under the thin sheet that covers my bare lower half. “What do you want for Christmas?”

The answer is simple.

“You,” I tell her. “Just you.”

Her fingers wrap around my now-hardening length as she begins to stroke me. “Anything else?”

My breath catches as she continues her caress, her chest pressed to my side and her nipples under the thin shirt she wears teasing my warming skin.

“I want to take you to my family’s place for Christmas Eve,” I tell her. “I just want us to have that one day where we can be us. I know that your family may not accept me—but my family does whole-heartedly.”

Katniss moves over me as I lay back, my hands moving to rest on her naked hips. 

“They do?” I nod and Katniss pretends to give her decision some thought before nodding excitedly. “Well, okay.”

She smiles impishly at the thought of spending time with my family. She has told me numerous times before that she loves them. They make her feel like she’s back home—in the comfort and warmth of her own family.

I chuckle, my hands skimming up her waist and to the outer sides of her breasts so I can thumb her peaked nipples. Katniss lets out a moan at my touch. “And you, my love…my heart—what do you want for Christmas?”

Leaning down, Katniss kisses me gently and I can feel her wet slit teasing the tip of my cock. Slowly she sinks down and I arch up to drive a little deeper into her.

“FUCK!” The curse escapes her mouth wantonly and she opens her lust-lidded eyes to stare into my own. “I want you…” She begins to move urgently against me, our pelvises grinding into one another. “I just…want…you.”

“Always,” I tell her before flipping our positions so that I’m on top. “You’ll have me always.”

Our conversation ends as I cover her mouth with mine.

++++++

“Wow!” Katniss says as we step out of our rented car. “Your parents really go all out!”

“They love the holidays,” I explain as she gapes at the brightly-lit house and the life-like Santa Claus with his reindeers atop our roof. “It’s the only time that I don’t think my mom gets weird about me wasting her money.”

“You’ll have me to defend you.” Katniss gives me a smile as we walk to the porch. “And, I love Christmas more than anyone—it’s a trait that I got from my mom. She was a real Christmas freak, too.” Her eyes go somber. “I miss her.”

“Then we’ll party extra hard for her,” I say as I pull her close. She wraps her arms around my neck. “I wish I could’ve met her. Do you think she would have liked me?”

“She would’ve loved you,” she assures me. “Just as much as I do.”

Leaning forward, Katniss presses her lips to mine. The coldness of the winter air dissipates in her touch and I find myself lost in her kiss, letting myself savor the hot cocoa and peppermint on her lips.

Her body melds softly against mine until I don’t know where I end and she begins.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” We pull away to see Rowe grinning at us. My big sister is in a bright red sweater and atop her head is a gold headband with an antenna extending out, mistletoe at its end. “A lot of déjà vu is happening to me—like I’ve seen you two this close on our porch before…” She looks behind her. “You want to explain this?”

“It’s…” I look over at Katniss who shrugs. “…complicated.”

“Story of my life,” Rowe replies. “It’s Christmas Eve, however, so I’ll hold off on the questions.” She extends her arms out to us. “Now you gorgeous whatever-you-two-are—give me a hug!”

Katniss lets out a bright laugh before rushing into my sister’s arms and after a quick second of gazing at their affectionate embrace, I join their hug.

“Mom has gone all out with the tree this year,” Rowe says as she pulls away.

Her eyes go to our joined hands and she grins before leading us into the house.

My sister has no tact when it comes to what she’s thinking. She is aware that Katniss has a boyfriend but she doesn’t really give a damn. Rowe is all about family solidarity and though my situation is fucked up, I know she’ll stand by me.

That’s probably why she’s my favorite.

Our house is decked out with ivy from the entryway to the stairs. There’s a small Christmas tree with multi-colored lights and glass ornaments in our main living room. Next to me, Katniss looks around and in the glow of the multi-colored lights, she looks like an awed child, full of wonderment and innocence.

Turning to meet my eyes, she cocks her head at my stare. “What?”

“You just look so pure,” I tell her.

Katniss scowls at the word. “Pure?”

Pulling her close, we fall back behind Rowe and I tug playfully at her braid. “Pure enough for me.”

“Oh well, I know how your purity barometer goes,” she retorts before tugging at my tie to place a kiss on my lips. “If you consider me pure, what the hell are you?”

“Daisy-fresh and snow white.”

Katniss laughs at my words and her lips are on mine once more—tugging at my lower lip until all coherent thoughts leave my mind.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I left them alone for two minutes!”

Katniss and I pull away to find Rowe and my mother, who is holding two cups of egg nog standing in front of us. Behind them are Jax and my dad, both trying to hold in their laughter as Katniss and I compose ourselves.

Mom walks over to us. “You must be thirsty.” There’s an amused spark in her eyes seeing us together. She hands me my cup before giving Katniss a cup of her own. “Come along, you two. You can put your presents under the tree and then Katniss can help me make cookies while you, Peeta…cool off.”

Behind me, Jax and Rowe burst into a fit of laughter.

My dad joins my side and puts an arm around me, his eyes full of mirth.

“Let’s put those presents under the tree. Then, you can go back to pawing Katniss.”

++++++

“Mom is really into Katniss tonight,” Jax remarks as he sits down next to me in front of the tree.

I look over to where Katniss and my mother sit on the couch looking over pictures of our previous Mellark Family Christmases. Ever since Katniss declared what she was thankful for during Thanksgiving dinner, Mom has been a little gentler with me.

During dinner, there was no mention about my tuition or my job. I am content to watch Katniss laugh at my dad’s jokes or help my mom serve dessert.

“I think they’ve bonded over their love for Christmas,” I tell my brother. “It was her mother’s favorite holiday.”

“What are we talking about?” Rowe asks as she joins us on the floor and looks up at the tree.  “Jeez—Mom really went all out on this tree. Looks like it’s vomiting tinsel.”

“I like it,” Jax tells her. “It’s like Christmas in Studio 54.” I chuckle at his words. “Anyway, we were talking about Mom and Katniss’ bonding.”

“I was saying that Katniss’ mom loved Christmas.” I look over at Katniss who is pointing at a photo in the album on Mom’s lap. “Katniss misses her mom a lot during this time—and I think Mom can see it. Also, we aren’t as into the Christmas holiday as either of them and they’ve bonded over that.”

The three of us go back to looking up at the tree—all silver, green, and red with a single star on top.

“Look at us—the Mellark three,” Jax says. “Maybe it won’t be us three for very long.” My brother gives me a mischievous look. “Right, Peeta?”

I don’t reply but continue looking up at the tree. When I feel the slight squeeze on my resting hand, I know it is Rowe—she is a lot more observant than people think.

And she knows that I’m hurting.

“HO, HO, HO!”

We turn around to see Dad in a very badly-padded Santa suit. Along with Jax and Rowe, our jaws collectively drop.

Everyone goes silent.

“Seriously Dad—we know it’s you,” Rowe tells him after a moment. “I got that memo a long time ago—along with the Tooth Fairy—” She looks to my mom purposely. “—and the Easter Bunny.”

“I’m well aware that you grown-ups know that Santa doesn’t exist,” Dad tells us. “But your mother and I are going to the local hospital as Santa and Mrs. Claus tomorrow. I wanted to try out the suit on you guys.”

“I think you’ll need to fatten up,” Jax points out. “Santa doesn’t have a six-pack.”

“Duly noted.” Dad sits on the lone chair by the tree. “Any other suggestions?”

“Might want to have Mom rouge your cheeks or something,” Rowe tells him with a cackle. “You’re supposed to be rosy-cheeked and twinkle-eyed.”

Mom goes to sit atop Dad’s lap. “I think he’s plenty twinkle-eyed.” She wraps her arm around his neck and tugs down his beard to give him a kiss.

“Oh Jesus—gross!” I can’t help but exclaim. Katniss laughs and I take Mom’s space on the couch next to her. “This is wrong on so many levels.”

“Yeah—please don’t tell us that you’re going to act out some holly jolly fantasy in that costume later on,” Rowe adds, her nose wrinkled.

“Hey!” Mom bellows. “If it weren’t for any of this—none of you would be born.”

“And, we wouldn’t want that,” Katniss whispers in my ear. The warmth of her breath against my neck causes a shiver to run through me.

I turn to her. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Katniss smirks. “You and your siblings being grossed out by your parents or just everything overall?”

“The latter,” I respond.

“Yes. To all of the above—yes.” She rests her head on my shoulder and my lips go to her hair. “Freeze this moment?”

“It’s already tattooed into my heart,” I tell her softly.

A flash goes off and I look up to see my mom taking a picture of us. “That will be in next year’s album.”

We give her a smile though the sinking inside me is painful. Because I know that Katniss will never see that picture and I don’t think I could stand to see the photo either.

“Okay Mellarks!” Dad shouts before flashing Katniss a smile. “And honorary Mellark. We each get to open one present on Christmas Eve and since I am Santa, I get to distribute them.” Reaching under the tree, Dad pulls out a wrapped box and hands it my Mom. “Bryce—my darling girl.”

She blushes and with the glow on her cheeks, Mom looks just like she did in her high school photos.

Sitting on the loveseat, Mom tears open the box wrapping revealing a long jewelry box. Dad sits next to her, his eyes suddenly nervous.

“I remember in high school, you always wanted one of those gold-plated ID bracelets that all the other girls had,” Dad starts. “I couldn’t afford it then; but together we’ve worked hard and now I can finally give you everything I couldn’t in high school…and more.”

Mom opens the box to reveal a pure gold ID bracelet, her name in delicate cursive. She gasps and Dad pulls it out to put it on her wrists.

“The kids’ names are on the back—Jaxon, Rowena, and Peeta,” he explains before turning it over to show her.

“It’s beautiful,” Mom says in a teary voice. “Thank you, love.” She gives Dad a thorough kiss.

This time, it’s not that gross.

Dad continues on with his gift distribution. Mom got him a standing record player that he can put in his den. He has an immaculate vinyl collection and I think it’s how I inherited my love for music—listening to warbled old records. Jax gets a beautiful Italian leather jacket while Rowe screams in my ear when she opens her box and reveals her first Dolce and Gabbana coat.

“Can I pick out Peeta’s present, Mr. Mellark—I mean, Santa?” Katniss suddenly interrupts. My father nods and she goes to the tree to pull out a wide green gift-wrapped box. Going back to her seat next to me, she places it in my lap. “You told me that you used to look in old catalogs and see this particular thing. I found it after some searching and I hope you put it to good use.”

Looking down, I touch the wrapping before tearing it open to reveal a wooden case.

I told her about this _once_ —and somehow she remembered.

Opening the case, I see a set of Charvin Acrylic paints as well as a brush set, all set up in the wooden box. There is also a set of Prismacolor art pencils as well some charcoal pencils.

“I didn’t get the ink yet,” Katniss explains in a shy voice. “The guys at the art store said that these are the most used tools anyhow.” I meet her eyes and she takes my hand. “You have a real talent, Peeta. Those dandelions that you drew on my music sheets? Whenever I feel frustrated, I look at them and they remind me that there is someone who still has hope in me. I have hope in you, too.”

I can’t speak. I’m afraid that I might do something stupid like cry—or propose.

“It’s beautiful,” I finally manage to whisper. “Thank you so much.” My hand reaches to brush her cheek and I lean forward to give her a kiss. When I pull away, her cheeks are scarlet and Katniss looks down bashfully.

“Peeta.”

My mom holds out Katniss’ present and I give her a smile before turning once more to Katniss.

“I hope you like it,” I say as I hand Katniss her present. “It’s a little…different.”

“I’m sure I will,” she assures me. I place my new art kit aside as Katniss opens my crudely wrapped present to reveal a plain white box. Opening it, she takes out the small glass box inside and then looks to me for explanation.

“It’s a music box,” I tell her and open it. Inside of it is a tiny dancer with blonde hair and a white dress. Winding it up, I let her hear the tune as I nervously gauge her reaction. “I had a little help customizing it. Beetee helped me decipher the notes and Heavensbee knows the guy who made it.”

“How do you know this song?” she asks in a thick voice. Her eyes are filling rapidly as she watches the little blonde dancer twirl.

“Whenever you’re really happy or content, you hum this tune to yourself,” I explain in a hush voice. “Thresh called Prim to check up on her and I spoke to her for a few minutes. She told me that it was from a song that your mother used to sing to you—The Valley Song.”

Katniss nods and the tears roll down her cheeks. “The first time my Mom heard it was because my Dad was singing it for some school assembly. It was how she knew that my father was the one that she would be with for the rest of her life.”

Her eyes look up at me and it’s like she is suddenly seeing me for the first time.

She stands up abruptly, placing the music box in the empty seat. “Excuse me…”

We all watch her rush behind us towards the sliding back door and Katniss slips out quickly, closing it behind her.

Standing up, I look to my family. Rowe has tears in her eyes and my Mom looks over worriedly to the sliding door.

“I’m going to go check on her,” I say and get up to retrace her path out.

Outside in the chilly air, I can hear her sobs. I follow the sound to the other side of the house to find her leaning back against the wall, eyes shut as she weeps.

“Katniss?” She looks over at me, her face flushed. “Did I do something wrong?”

She shakes her head and her face crumbles once more. “I just can’t do it anymore…”

“What?” I reach and pull her close to me, our chests pressed together. “What can’t you do?”

“I can’t let you go, Peeta!” Katniss sobs, her head falling to my shoulder. “I love you…I love you so much and I don’t know how we’re going to stop—but, I don’t know how we can begin. You keep on telling me to think about what I want. I want you…I want it all—”

“Then choose me,” I burst out. “We can go away. We can be like Johanna and Haymitch—and just never look back. In the end, we’ll have each other—and I will love you forever. I promise. Just tell him it’s over.”

Katniss cries harder at my words and the heart-wrenching sounds bring tears to my eyes because we both know that the situation is not the same as Johanna and Haymitch’s. She has so much to lose and we don’t want to hide.

“You know that’s not a possibility,” she responds. “You love your family and I love mine. Also, I love what I do in Manhattan. I can’t give it all up and neither can you. You love performing.”

“But, I love you more,” I tell her in a thick voice. The sob rises from my throat. “It’s just that I don’t know how I can lose you…how I can spend my time not touching or kissing you…” Then they are there—the horrible, wretched tears and Katniss is pulling me tighter against her. “…how can I not wake up to those beautiful eyes…or that smile?”

Then neither of us can speak because she is kissing me harshly, desperate to stop both our tears. The cold bleakness turns to hot, quiet desperation and I’m pushing her against the wall as she undoes my belt.

The tears are replaced with soft moans as we quiet our sobs with kisses and hungry thrusts, echoing a desperate need to not lose our connection…to not lose us. Her warm sheath cradles my aching cock inside her and I pump frantically into her core. I speed up my movements, trying to quiet the painful thought that we are ending, when I feel her fluttering around me, her climax beginning.

The heels of her boots dig into my lower back and she suddenly arches tightly as her inner muscles clamp around my dick. It only takes one more thrust before I am spilling into her warm core.

We don’t speak as we straighten ourselves up.

Instead, we go back to our happy couple routine inside the house and continue the rest of the Christmas Eve festivities.

However that night as I lay in my childhood bed, I don’t have to pretend. I can be hurt. I can be sad. Because in the morning, I will have to find a way to will this pain away.

The door to my room creaks open and Katniss steps in, her own eyes swollen.

“Your sister told me to get out,” she explains, trying to lighten our moods. “I’m ruining her beauty sleep.”

I don’t reply. Instead, I toss off the blanket and Katniss immediately crawls in, straddling me so that she can look into my eyes.

“You’ve been crying,” she says as her hand reaches to touch my tear-sticky face.

“I’m trying so hard to let you go,” I reason, my voice hoarse and my throat burning. “I’m trying…”

“Me, too,” Katniss replies as she moves my pajama pants off my hips before lining my now-hardening cock against her warmth. It doesn’t take very long before she is inside me, grounding her pelvis against mine. “Me, too…”

I meet her smoky, miserable eyes. “Merry Christmas, Katniss.”

She gives me a salty, soft kiss. “Merry Christmas, Peeta.”

++++++

“I’m so happy to be out for once,” Johanna says at our standing table. “I’m planning to get _hammered_.”

“Pace yourself, sweetheart,” Haymitch warns. “You remember the last time that happened. I’m not spending any more time in a cell. Jail changes a man.”

Johanna snorts. “You were there for one night.”

“Still…” Haymitch takes her glass from her hand. “I don’t want to wake up in vomit either.”

“Okay, you two—simmer down,” I say placidly. “It’s Christmas. We’re all having a good time and I need to calm myself down before The Thirteen’s performance.”

“It’s going to be great,” Katniss assures me.

She looks beautiful in her sparkling black dress with its flowy skirt. Her hair is down and she wears a pair of teardrop earrings that my mother gave to her. Katniss was admiring them during our Christmas Eve dinner and before we left the house Mom had stuffed them into her pocket.

“Thanks.” My hand reaches under the table to take hers. “You’re probably right. I didn’t get to attend the dress rehearsal….but I’m sure it went fine. Alma sent me a recording.”

“You have an innovative eye,” Katniss continues, an amused smile on her face as she watches me on the verge of pacing. “Heavensbee and Alma—they trust you. Now trust yourself.” She squeezes my hand.

“You two should just kiss now,” Johanna declares. “It’s not like everyone doesn’t know what you’re doing.” There’s a slight slur and we can tell that she is already buzzed. “And, this isn’t our bar—this is an underground club in the West Village.”

“Johanna—why don’t we go dance?” Haymitch suddenly suggests.

Johanna nods, leading Haymitch out onto the crowded floor, his stare is half on Johanna’s tight skirt and the other half on the men who glance admiringly at her. Their looks quickly move away seeing Haymitch’s furious stare.

“If they’re not careful, one of them is going to end up in jail,” Katniss remarks before taking a sip from her own glass. She looks over her shoulder at me, a sad smile on her lips. “Are we okay?”

I nod and wrap an arm around her waist. She presses her chest to mine and I can feel her rapid heartbeat against mine. The heat of the crowded club and the smell of her perfume has me brushing my lips to hers.

“Is that a yes?” she asks as we pull away.

“I can show you how okay we are later tonight,” I tell her. Raising her chin, I give her a smile. “Chin up. I always find a way to smile even if I’m horribly devastated.”

“I wish I could be like you,” Katniss says. “I’m not that good of an actress.”

My family assumed that Katniss was emotional over the gift and so they were sympathetic—even sweet to her this morning. Mom gave her the highest stack of hotcakes during breakfast—a sure sign that she has come to love Katniss as much as I do.

“It’s not about acting. It’s about survival,” I say to her.

Her hand reaches to caress my rough jaw and she leans forward to give me another peck on the lips.

“PEETA!” I look over to see Heavensbee rushing over along with a man in a garish peacock-blue suit. He smiles seeing Katniss and leans over to give her a kiss on the cheek. “You look lovely, my dear.” Heavensbee goes to me and then looks to the man. “Caesar, this is Peeta Mellark—our newest music producer.”

My jaw slackens at his words and Heavensbee grins at my shock.

“Peeta,” Heavensbee continues. “This is Thirteen’s manager—Caesar Flickerman. He came up from Florida to see our newest performance.”

It’s obvious that the man is Floridian with his dark tan and bleached smile.

“It’s an honor to meet you,” Caesar says. “I was at the dress rehearsal and the song sounded great. A nice sound to modernize the band.” He looks to Katniss. “And, you must be the inspiration for the song!”

“Caesar, this is Peeta’s girlfriend, Katniss,” Heavensbee informs him.

Caesar takes Katniss’ hand to give it a quick kiss. “Always nice to meet a muse.”

Katniss blushes at his words and Heavensbee chuckles at our embarrassment.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Katniss tells him graciously.

“We’re about to head back, but I just wanted to introduce Caesar to the man who made it all happen,” Heavensbee says to us.

We give them a wave and watch them disappear behind the stage curtain.

I whip around to Katniss. “Now I’m really fucking nervous.”

“Here.” Katniss hands me a shot and I gulp it down feeling the hard burn down in my throat. Her hands go to my shoulders. “Listen to me, Peeta. You’re a talented man and everyone knows it. Heavensbee and The Thirteen are a great band and this song will be a hit with the crowd.”

“Why do you believe in me so much?” I ask her.

Her lips rise in a warm smile. “You already know the answer.”

Heavensbee’s tenor voice booms as he speaks into the mic. “MERRY CHRISTMAS MANHATTAN!”

The crowd goes wild with excitement as we watch the rest of the band assemble on stage.

“I am Heavensbee,” he introduces himself and raucous cheers fill the room. “And behind me is our wonderful band, The Thirteen!” There are hoots and whistles as the rest of the band goes to their respective instruments.

From what I can see, Paylor whom I just met a few days ago, is on the drums. Cressida or Cressie, who is Alma’s daughter from her previous marriage will be on the bass guitar while Alma sits at the keyboard, adjacent to her husband. Boggs stands behind Heavensbee, manning the bongos with a bright smile on his mouth.

“We’re going to be playing a tune suggested by our good friend, Peeta Mellark.” Heavensbee spots me. “SAY HELLO, PEETA!” The spotlight goes to me and Katniss so I indulge him by waving. Somewhere, a loud whistles slices through the room and I can feel Katniss’ grip tighten on my hand. “Sorry ladies—he’s taken. The gorgeous woman next to him is Katniss—his girlfriend.”

“WOO! KATNISS!” Johanna’s shout echoes through the room.

Heavensbee chuckles at her words. “Anyway, I’m going to hand the mic off to our lead vocalist, Boggs! HAVE A GREAT NIGHT EVERYONE!”

Boggs, with his chocolate skin and deep dark eyes, causes a high-pitched squeal to emit from the women in the crowd. He smiles revealing his pearly whites before putting his mouth to the mic.

“Good evening,” he says. “First off, I’d like to invite up to the stage the man who put this performance together.” Boggs looks to me. “Peeta, get on up and bring that beautiful girl of yours, too!”

I look to Katniss. “What do you think?”

She winks and then takes my hand before pulling me through the crowd.

The music starts with Heavensbee on the trumpet and Alma playing the beginning chords. When we get on the stage, Boggs winks as his mouth goes to the mic and he begins to beat on the bongos.

_“When I need motivation_   
_My one solution is my queen_   
_'Cause she stays strong_   
_Yeah, yeah…”_

Katniss turns to me, her skirt weaving along her shapely legs. I hold my hand out to her and she takes it before I twirl her towards me. The audience cheers as I wrap my arm around her waist and we begin to dance to the catchy beat.

_“Oh, I think that I've found myself a cheerleader_   
_She is always right there when I need her_   
_Oh, I think that I've found myself a cheerleader_   
_She is always right there when I need her…”_

I spin Katniss away before bringing her back, her back to my chest as her hips sway easily to the song. She charms the crowd; her smile is bright and the band watches her in admiration. Everyone is just as captivated as I am with her sparkling eyes as we moved together, hands entwined.

Heavensbee has a solo before the bridge and he belts it out seamlessly, his fingers moving on the valves of his trumpet with ease. The whole club cheers as he lifts the bell to the sky at his last note.

“I told you,” Katniss says in my ear. “Everybody loves the song—loves you. But not as much as I do.”

Pulling her close, I dip her down as I draw her in for a kiss and the crowd around us disappears.

_“She gives me love and affection_   
_Baby, did I mention_   
_You're the only girl for me_   
_No, I don't need a next one_   
_Mama loves you too_   
_She thinks I made the right selection_   
_Now all that's left to do_   
_Is just for me to pop the question…”_

++++++

“Next time, remind me to bring an extra pair of tights or something,” Katniss says as we cross the street towards our apartment building after dropping Haymitch and Johanna off. “I’m freezing!”

“Sure,” I respond with a grin. “Remind me to never let those two drink too much. They almost got us kicked out of our cab!”

“At least you didn’t have to sit next to them!” Katniss shudders. “I could deal with the making out, but I could not deal with the straddling or gyrating going on next to me. You got to sit up front next to the cab driver—not fair!”

“I had to keep slipping him money before Mr. and Mrs. Indecent Exposure got us in trouble.” I pull out an old leather Gucci wallet and smirk at her. “Good thing I had Haymitch’s wallet.”

Katniss lets out a laugh as we get to the front of the building. “You’re incorrigible!”

“But, you love me,” I respond and she nods in agreement. “By the way…”

“What?” She gives me a close-lip smile.

I lean in close to her ear, taking in her light perfume. “I think I was going to show you how okay I was.” Katniss shivers against me. “Let’s go up—”

“KATNISS! PEETA!”

We turn at the familiar voice as a cab stops in front of our building.

Next to me, Katniss gasps as I feel the blood drain from my face.

Cato is back.

* * *

 

I’m pretty sure that you were expecting him at one point.

If anybody didn’t guess, Alma is Coin. She still goes by her own last name. Cressida or Cressie is Alma’s daughter from another marriage. She’s in her early 30’s while both Boggs and Paylor are in their forties. Heavensbee and Alma are in their early 50’s.

Anyway, I have to say that favorite part is Christmas with the Mellarks. I actually like Mrs. Mellark as this big ol’ Christmas freak and it really brings her closer to Katniss. Also, Mellarks get and give fabulous Christmas presents. I’d love to attend a Christmas party of theirs.

As of now, no one but Rowe knows about their situation.

You should be getting a little slice of what future Katniss and Peeta will be doing in this chapter.

Did anyone get my THG references?

We are three chapters to the end—and I’m feeling a little angsty about it.

Songs: Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn Remix)-Omi

Are you nervous about the next chapter? I know I am.

Until then, JLaLa


	11. Katniss

Here we are—the beginning of the end. Some of you expected this while others did not.

Enjoy, either way.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Eleven: Katniss_ **

Fuck—I can’t feel my face.

“KATNISS!” Cato quickly runs over and pulls me into his arms. He lifts me in an excited twirl before setting my dazed self on the ground. My boyfriend frowns at my shocked response. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“Yes.” Immediately he is hugging once more. “I was just surprised.”

My eyes go to Peeta, who is observing my lost reaction. We did not expect Cato. What we were expecting was to go home and spend our Christmas listening to my music box as he assured me that he was okay—over and over.

Peeta mouths the words, ‘ _Going upstairs_ ’.

I nod back and he disappears into the building. For upstairs is an exhibition of our time together; clothes thrown on the floor from moments when we just didn’t make it to his room, rumpled blankets in the living room from movie nights when we would just hold each other, and his bedroom—smelling of sex and my perfume.

He is going to clean it all up.

I just have to give him time.

Pulling apart, Cato gives me a jaunty grin. “Come help with my bags.”

“Sure.”

We head over to where the cab driver has placed Cato’s luggage on the sidewalk. Cato pays him before heading back to where I stand gripping two bags in my shaky hands. Cato takes his other two pieces and together, we head into the building as I try to think of things to say.  

“So tell me all about your trip.”

“It wasn’t a trip,” Cato corrects me simply. “It was an assignment. Anyway, it was about a two-day flight before we landed in Manila…”

I lose myself in his words, staring straight ahead as he tells me about his landing then about his shitty accommodations and his first night of being unable to sleep because of the unbearable heat of the city.

By the time we get off the elevator, Cato is telling me about Baguio and the drive up to the mountainous city.

“I’m so glad to be home,” he says as we get to the door. Cato turns to me and pulls me into another hug. “And, I’m really sorry for being such a shit…I know that it wasn’t easy being away from me. Especially with Christmas and all—but you’re the reason why I opted to take an earlier flight than everyone else. Someone will just have to cover the tail end of the assignment.”

There is a tone of regret in his voice.

“You didn’t have to leave so early,” I tell him.

“Of course I had to.” Cato opens the unlocked door. “You needed me.”

_I don’t need you._

However, Christmas just doesn’t seem like the right time to tell him.

“You must be tired,” I finally respond as we walk into the apartment.

Peeta has cleaned up quickly. The living room is spotless with no blankets on the sofa or cartons of Chinese food on the coffee table. In the hallway, my hastily-removed bra and panties along with his discarded jeans are missing from the floor.

All traces of _us_ are gone.

“Are you okay?” Cato asks as we get to our bedroom.

I look up at him in confusion. “Why?”

“You’re crying,” he tells me.

My hand goes to my cheek where I feel the dampness of tears on my skin. I didn’t realize how much losing Peeta and I would hurt; it’s almost like a piece of me died. Now I’ll have to sit here and think of how I’m going to face the reality of my consequences.

“I didn’t realize,” I say to him as I swipe them away.

Cato comes to me and places a gentle kiss on my lips. “I missed you, too.”

Wrong. All wrong.

No spark, no fire, no feeling.

His kisses have always felt like this. I just thought that it was just supposed to feel that way. However, Peeta’s kisses have taught me different, that there is such a thing as fire—that you can want someone so much that you can’t breathe.

Cato gives me a smile. “You seem overwhelmed. I’m sure that you’ve been distracted—with today being Christmas and all. I know that it reminds you of your mom. I mean, look at the room.”

I look around to see everything in its place. “What?”

“You just left a bunch of clothes on the bed.” He points to the clothes that Peeta must have thrown on my bed in a rush to clean the place. “Getting sloppy without me, huh?”

I offer him a small smile. “Yeah, sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Cato tells me easily. He discards his own shirt and tosses it into the pile. “I’m exhausted…we should get to bed.”

“Of course.” I take the pile of clothes and bring them over to the hamper distractedly. I feel my eyes watering again at the overwhelming pain of not being able to have said goodbye to Peeta. I thought we had more time and my body responds to the thought of him, my lower half tightening in arousal.

“Where were you and Peeta coming from?”

I look over my shoulder to Cato who is throwing on a clean shirt. “He had a performance in the West Village and I had nothing to do.”

Turning back to sorting the clothes, I’m surprised to find a folded paper hanging out of one of my sweaters.

“He didn’t even say hello to me,” my boyfriend responds off-handedly. “Kind of rude—but we didn’t leave on the best of terms.”

“Peeta forgives easily,” I tell him. “He was just tired from his performance.”

As tired as I am now.

Making sure that Cato is not looking, I carefully open the folded paper. Inside is a familiar yellow highlighter and a pen-produced dandelion.

Written in the corner of the sketch is one word: _Always_.

++++++

I don’t sleep. Beside me, Cato dozes heavily, his snores echoing in the room.

I feel empty.

Moving to my side, I stare out at the closed door and close my eyes just wishing to be on the opposite end of the hallway in Peeta’s arms.

What the hell have I been doing without Peeta? I’ve lived this half-life since Mom passed on. He brought me back to life.

Looking over at a deeply-slumbering Cato, I wonder how I’m going to tell him about everything.

Finally, I get up knowing that I’m going to need some warm milk or an Ambien. I resolve to do the first thing as there are no prescription drugs in our medicine cabinet. Quietly I go to the door, leaving Cato’s snoring behind me before slipping out and closing it.

Just as Peeta steps out of the bathroom.

He gives me a tired smile. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I manage to greet him in a trembling voice. “Are you okay?”

Peeta shakes his head. “And, you?”

“Hell no.” He holds out his arms and I’m already running into them, burying my face in his chest. “Can you miss someone who is just down the hall?”

He laughs into my hair. “I thought I was the only one feeling that way.” Peeta looks over to the closed door where Cato’s snoring seeps through the wood. “Does Cato suspect anything?”

“No.” I look up at him. “He was too busy telling me about his assignment.” My hand reaches to brush his chin and Peeta closes his eyes as a sigh escapes his lips. “I needed more time. I had planned for us to have an epic goodbye.”

Peeta chuckles softly, his mouth moving down to my ear.

“Oh yeah?” The quiet rumble in his voice has me wet immediately. “What were you planning?”

My hand goes to the nape of his neck before pulling him down eagerly for a kiss. He responds hungrily, his tongue sweeping into my mouth, brushing against my own tongue so we can taste one another. My thighs part for him to move in-between them.

Through the thin boxers he wears, I feel his length, hard and ready for my caress. Reaching under the waistband of the offending cloth, my hand takes hold of his steel velvet as my thumb goes to the tip of him spreading that clear liquid along the head.

“What are you doing to me?” he asks, his usually-blue eyes dark as night. Peeta is already reaching under my long nightshirt, pulling aside the cloth covering my slit before plunging two fingers into my waiting, eager cunt. “Holy fuck, Katniss. You’re soaking for me.”

Peeta presses me to the open doorway of the bathroom before yanking my panties off. My own hands are moving down his boxers as he eases me up against the archway and I sink down onto his rock-hard cock.

I gasp, my insides welcoming every inch of him back into me.

Cato’s loud snores assure us that we are safe to be together, for now. Peeta and I move hurriedly, his mouth fused to mine so every one of his moans can sink down to my stomach and satisfy the hunger that’s been building inside me.

I only move my mouth away once. “I love you,” I whisper onto his warm lips.

He meets my delirious eyes. “I love you…always.”

Kissing him again, I wrap my legs around his waist as we begin to thrust harshly into one another. Maybe we’re hoping that if do this enough, we’ll just break apart and leave everything behind. Or, maybe we can just become one being, binding us until nothing could tear us apart without killing the other.

I just know that whatever I feel for Peeta is a million-fold compared to what I’ve felt for Cato.

Peeta reaches between us, his fingers moving to caress my stiff pearl and I arch into him, eager to come. A loud moan leaves my mouth and the thought that somewhere behind us, Cato is sleeping off his jet-lag escapes our minds.

“Come for me, Katniss,” Peeta tells me, his mouth agape as he watches me. “Let me feel you around my cock…come on, sweetheart.”

“Peeta!” His name comes out in a flurry of moans and hard thrusts before the feeling of his hot spunk drenching my insides overwhelms me. I close my eyes, letting each sensation take over. “I love you…”

I am sated.

As Peeta places me back down, I can feel the stickiness in-between my thighs. Peeta rests his head on my chest as my hands reach to affectionately play with his damp waves.

“I’m going to tell him,” I promise. “It just doesn’t feel like the right time.”

“I know,” Peeta tells me. He lifts his head to press a quick kiss on my lips. “You’ll know when the time is right.” He pulls away gently, quickly tucking his member back into his boxers. “I’m going to stay at Thresh’s for a few days but I’ll be at Haymitch and Johanna’s during your shifts. Heavensbee and Alma want to talk to me about some more production projects.”

“That’s great.” My hand reaches to take his. “I knew that you could do it.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you.” Peeta leans down to give me kiss. The tenderness of it brings tears to my eyes. “I’m going to miss you—more than I can describe.”

I nod hurriedly, my eyes closed tightly to stop the tears from escaping.

When I finally open them, he is gone.

++++++

“You look horrible,” Johanna snaps at me, a few days later.

“Do you say that to all your waitresses—or just me?” I ask stonily.

She looks me over before taking my tray and tossing it under the counter. “Let’s go.”

“What?” Johanna is already grabbing my hand and leading me out to the back of bar. Haymitch, who hears our steps, comes out of the office. “Help me!”

“You need to talk to someone, sweetheart,” Haymitch calls out as I’m led away.

Damn traitor.

On the other hand, he’s just being loyal to Johanna. Their relationship just shows me how much Cato and I lack in our own. With Peeta understandably out of the apartment, I feel very much alone even with his texts to check on me.

“Sit,” Johanna demands. I follow her instruction and sit on the steps leading down to our garbage. She follows suit before meeting my eyes, her own full of concern. “How are you?”

“I don’t know,” I respond. “Numb.” I sigh as my hands twist anxiously. “I’ve been trying to just sit down and talk to Cato but there’s always something. He has a meeting or I have work. When I get home from school, he’s gone or if I get home from work, he’s asleep.”

“Ever thought about just waking Cato up and telling him?” she asks.

“It doesn’t feel right to just break it off after he’s had a nap,” I tell her. “Johanna, when I do this—I don’t want to be sitting in bed next to him. I want us to have an adult discussion about the fact that our relationship isn’t working out.”

“That’s really mature of you,” Johanna says diplomatically. “But in the meantime, you look like shit.”

I let out a tired laugh. “I do, don’t I? I don’t sleep at night because it feels like I’m sleeping next to a stranger. Honestly, I’ve been so afraid of being alone and now that I’ve learned how to make decisions based on my own wants—it’s a little difficult to come back to something that thrived on co-dependency.”

“You have to take care of yourself,” my friend tells me. “In the end, whether you end up with Cato or you end up with Peeta—remember that _you_ are your number one priority. You have to live for your own happiness, no matter the consequences.”

Johanna takes my hand.

“I’m proud of you, Katniss. You’ve held your own and you haven’t taken any of my crap. You’ve grown up a lot since the first time we met and it has nothing to do with boys. It has everything to do with this.”

She points to the spot where my heart is.

“Thank you, Johanna.” I wipe my eyes hastily, sadness and exhaustion overwhelming my system.

“Katniss.” We look up to see Haymitch awkwardly standing in the doorway. “Cato is here.”

I look between the couple. “Would it be okay if I left for the rest of the day? I need to have a talk with him.”

“Sure,” Johanna agrees.

“It’s not that busy and Madge starts in an hour,” Haymitch adds.

Standing up, I take a deep breath.

I have to tell him today. My sanity depends on it.

“Thank you,” I tell them.

I get ready to go—but not before giving each of them a hug.

++++++

“You’ve been quiet,” Cato remarks as we take a walk around the small park. “I know that I’ve been talking a lot about the assignment and we haven’t really had time to talk about you. Tell me, what have you been doing this entire time?”

I stop and turn to him—this is the moment.

“Actually, there is something that I wanted to talk to you about,” I begin. “Maybe we ought to sit down.”

“This sounds serious,” he tells me, a curious look in his eyes.

This is what I hate. It would be easier if Cato was a cheater or a liar—but, he’s not. Despite the selfish attitude and the over-ambition, he cares about me and loves me. However, I just can’t love him in the way that he thinks I do.

In the end, the magnitude of our love doesn’t equal an ounce of what I feel with Peeta. Even without Peeta around, I can still feel him and it gives me confidence as well as faith in myself.

Cato and I find ourselves sitting on a lone bench overlooking a playground of children.

“Can you remember us at that age?” he asks as he looks at the children in wonder. “You, me and Gale just running around…eating sand…”

“I never ate sand,” I respond. “That was all you and Gale!”

He lets out a chuckle as he stares at the children in remembrance. The sound of it is both beautiful and tragic. Because this is the man who I loved once—this sweet, funny, and kind person. The one whom I spent my childhood with.

Letting him go will be harder than I realize.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” he suddenly asks.

“I wanted to talk about us,” I begin. “Cato—”

“CATO!”

We turn at the shout to see a beautiful woman with long blonde hair heading toward us. Behind her is an athletically-built man with glossy golden locks and an equally bright smile.

Cato immediately rushes over to them, our conversation forgotten, and I let out the breath that I’ve been holding in. He is obviously close to these two because upon approaching them, the girl embraces him affectionately and as they pull away, Cato gives the man a hearty handshake.

He speaks to them for a moment before looking over at me. The golden-haired pair turn to gaze at me and they look a little shocked, especially the girl. Soon the three of them are heading over and I smooth down my hair.

“Katniss,” Cato calls out. “These two are Marvel and Glimmer, two of my co-workers. They went to the Philippines with me and just arrived back to Manhattan.”

I stand up immediately and give them both a smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure is all ours,” Marvel replies as he shakes my hand and flashes me a handsome grin.

“It’s really great to meet you,” Glimmer tells me with a friendly smile.

“Marvel wanted to point out the apartment that he and Glimmer have rented across the way,” Cato tells me. I nod and he gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.

My hand goes to my cheek because the kiss leaves no sort of tingle inside me. I almost wonder if it even happened.

“I apologize if I looked surprised,” Glimmer suddenly says to me. We both sit down on the bench. “It’s just that Cato never talked about having a girlfriend. He was very much all about the job.”

I give her a weak smile. “That’s Cato. All about work.”

“I could tell that it was frustrating for him being away from you,” Glimmer tells me. “I mean, especially with Marvel and me being around so much.”

“What do you mean?” I ask curiously.

“Well, our company offered to fund for partners or significant others to come along,” she explains. “They knew that we would be gone over the holiday season, so we were given that option. It didn’t matter for us since Marvel and I are engaged but other people on our team brought their spouses or partners. We all assumed that Cato wasn’t with anyone.”

Why didn’t he ask me to come along?

Then again, would things have been any different if he did?

“It wouldn’t have been possible, anyway, since I’m attending Julliard,” I finally respond.

“That’s great,” Glimmer replies.

We fall into an awkward silence.

Looking up, I see Cato and Marvel approaching and paste a smile on my face.

“I was just telling Marvel about Haymitch’s bar and how we all hang out there.” Sitting next to me, Cato grins. “Also, that the world’s best waitress is working there, too.”

Because that’s exactly how he sees me—as everyone’s waitress. Someone who serves everyone else.

Cato doesn’t know me at all.

Surprisingly, this realization burns.

“So I suggested that we go there tomorrow—and drinks will be on me,” Marvel proclaims jauntily. He looks to Glimmer. “What do you think?”

“I’m totally down for that,” Glimmer says and then looks to me. “Will you be working tomorrow?”

“Friday is our busiest night,” I tell her with a small smile. “We have a lot of students coming from Julliard and NYU. Our roommate, Peeta, is performing, too.”

The thought of Peeta causes a warmth to rush through me. I miss him horribly.

I suddenly can’t wait for tomorrow.

“Friday is actually the best day of the week,” I suddenly find myself telling them.

++++++

“What is wrong with you?” Cato asks me in irritation as I pace our living room. “Yes, I didn’t tell you that significant others were allowed to come. I’ll admit that. I don’t understand why you’re so upset.”

“YOU LIED, CATO!” I’m shaking with anger because there is just something shady about all of this. “You made me look like a fucking idiot in front of your friends!”

“What did it matter?” he responds. “You were busy with school and work and whatever it was you didn’t answer my phone calls for!”

“Oh, we’re getting into that again?” I throw my hands in the air. “While you were gone, I worked on a piece with Beetee. I got to conduct my first run-through with an actual set of musicians. I helped Haymitch and Johanna bring business into the bar! I—”

_I fell in love. I fell in love with our roommate, Peeta Mellark._

But, I don’t want to tell Cato while we’re arguing.

Suddenly, I’m tired.

“Who the hell is Beetee?” Cato asks.

“My teacher,” I tell him in quiet anger. “He says that I have potential—that in two years, my piece can be the feature for our graduate performance. I’ve told you about him every time we’ve talked on the phone. Now why didn’t you tell me about the whole bringing significant others thing?”

“Because…you would have just gotten in the way,” he admits. “You know how I am about work. I have goals, Katniss—and I’m doing it all for us.” Cato looks at me helplessly. “What does it matter anyway? You will be part of the fruits of my labor. And, once you graduate, we can just go back home to start our lives together.”

“Then what?” I ask. “You go on another trip and pretend that I’m not there? You are un-fucking believable!”

“What is with you?” he retorts. “Before I left you would have never acted like this!”

“A LOT OF THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE YOU LEFT!”

It comes out of my mouth in a single, sharp scream.

“What has changed?” Cato asks in a challenging voice. “Tell me.”

It’s as if he already knows.

“I can’t deal with you right now,” I find myself saying.

Before he can respond, I’m already out the door.

++++++

Peeta answers Thresh’s apartment door immediately.

“What’s going on?” he asks me as I rush into the apartment.

“You were right!” I turn to him. “We should just go! We should just leave…”

Peeta goes to me, his arms wrapping around me as my head falls to his chest. “What happened?”

“He lied,” I say simply.

“You know…I’m just going to step out,” an awkward voice calls out.

I turn to see Thresh standing up from his couch and placing his game controller down on the coffee table. On the television is a paused video game and I realize that I’ve just walked into an impromptu boys’ night.

I pull away, hastily wiping my eyes. “I’m sorry. I just came up in here unannounced—”

“No, sweetie,” Thresh says as he walks over to us. “You needed to talk to someone who you could trust.” He gives me a kindly smile before turning to Peeta. “I think I’m going to pick up a pizza for dinner. I’ll be gone for an hour or so.”

Peeta looks at him in confusion. “But, the pizza place is down the street—”

“My God, you’re dense,” Thresh says. “I’ll just be back in an hour.”

Thresh gives me an affectionate hug before quickly leaving the apartment.

Finally alone, Peeta and I look to one another. It’s been a few days since we’ve been alone.

And, I’m miserable.

“Can we just pause?” he asks and I nod.

Taking my face in his hands, Peeta leans down and our lips meet as he tenderly kisses me. The taste of him sweeps into my mouth and I savor every moment of it. My hands move over his so I can feel his rough knuckles in my palms.

Finally, he pulls away to press our foreheads together.

Peeta gazes into my eyes. “I missed you.”

“I missed you more,” I reply softly.

Taking my hand, he leads to me to the couch; a burgundy, velveteen monstrosity which is surprisingly comfortable.

“So what did Cato lie about?” Peeta asks as we settle next to each other.

“He could’ve brought me with him,” I explain. “I’m not hurt because I didn’t get to go. I’m hurt because his reason for not inviting me was selfish. He thought that I would get in the way of his being successful. Also, that it shouldn’t have mattered anyway because in the end, I’m reaping the benefits of it all when we go back to Panem and start our ‘real’ life together.”

I sigh and put my head on Peeta’s shoulder.

“I was even out with him because I was going to tell him everything,” I say quietly. “Except that his co-workers interrupted us. That’s how I found out that he kept all of that from me. The people I met were a couple who went on the assignment. Cato never talked about me—they didn’t even know he had a girlfriend.”

“Wow,” Peeta responds after a moment. “Kind of a dick move.”

“Now what?” I ask. I meet his eyes as my own begin to fill. “Can we just leave?”

Peeta lifts my chin with his fingers. “In the end, you wouldn’t want to do that. Think about how it feels right now—to not know anything. Don’t keep him in the dark about how you feel.”

“He thinks I’ve changed,” I explain. “That I’m not acting like I did before the assignment.”

“Maybe you have changed,” Peeta tells me. “You’ve become exactly who you should be. You’ve become the real you—and I’m very proud of that.”

I wrap my arms around his neck. “Thresh said he’d be gone for an hour, right?”

Peeta nods as I shift onto his lap. “What should we do while he’s gone?”

“I don’t know.” I smile before placing a kiss on his parted lips. “I love you, Peeta. Remember that.”

“I love you, too,” Peeta replied as he reaches to brush a tear away. “This isn’t the end. I promise you that.”

I don’t want to tell him that something makes me feel like it is.

++++++

“So here is your first round.” I begin to place the bottles on the table before me. “Let me know when you’re ready for the next.”

“Katniss,” Alma calls out, her silvery eyes looking me over. “Have a seat.”

“I can’t,” I tell her hesitantly. “It’s a busy night.”

Around us, every table is filled. Madge and I are up to our eyeballs in customers as Johanna and Haymitch man the bar together. They are a seamless team, knowing the other’s move so that they can pour or grab the right ingredients for each drink. The two of them can serve ten people in a minute.

“Oh, come on,” Cressida begs. “Just a quick minute with me and Mum.” I know that Cressida lived in London during her childhood when her parents were still in the middle of their divorce. However, the British accent is still sharp despite spending years in New York. “So word has it that you and Peeta were…”

I look around quickly to make sure no one is signaling me before sitting down quickly.

“I don’t know what we were,” I tell them. “Or are.”

“So there is still hope,” Heavensbee counters. “I like Peeta. He’s a good man.”

“And we like you, too,” Boggs, who sits across from me, says. Paylor, who is taking a swig from her bottle nods in agreement. “So why can’t the two people we both like just be together?”

“Because we’d definitely like that,” Alma tells me.

“Because I have a boyfriend who I have to break up with first,” I say as I stand up and look over to where Cato sits with Glimmer and Marvel.

The group in front of me all tilt to glance over at Cato.

“Yeah…him,” Cressida says with a frown. “He’s been looking over here all night.” She tosses her long blonde hair in mock-haughtiness. “Break up with him for checking me out.”

I let out a small laugh. “It’s not that easy.”

“Maybe you’ll find a way tonight,” Heavensbee says and gives me quick wink.

Another table signals me over and I give the band a wave before going to take the adjacent group’s orders. Across the room, Madge is chatting with Cato and his co-workers and her eyes meet mine in worry.

It seems like a lot of people are worried about me. I really must look that bad.

The only person who doesn’t seem to notice is Cato.

“Katniss.” I turn to see Peeta rushing over to me, guitar case in hand, as I head over to the bar. He grins and I can feel my own lips rising in a smile. He looks over and gives Cato a quick wave before turning back to me. “Is everything better?”

“I told him that I was here last night,” I explain. “After I finish up my shift, I’m telling him. Johanna said that I can stay over at her old place. She still owns her studio in the West Village.”

“Then what?” he asks in a solemn voice.

Johanna lets out a whistle and I see her beckoning me over to pick up my orders.

I shrug. “I don’t know.”

++++++

“That guy is your roommate?” Glimmer slurs her words as she balances her glass in her shaky hand. “My God—he’s gorgeous.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, my fiancée,” Marvel says with a smirk. “I’m totally cool with this happening because I know that she’s going home with me tonight.”

I chuckle feebly at her drunken statement. Peeta is almost at the end of his set and Cato’s co-worker had gone honey-eyed during his performance.

While I’m used to it, I still feel that slight twinge of jealousy in my stomach.

Before, I could assert that I was his at our apartment. Now it is a different story.

“Peeta gets enough tail,” Cato informs her. “He’s been gone since I got here. Who knows where he’s been…”

“He’s been staying at Thresh’s.” I don’t realize that I’ve said anything until Cato whips his head over at me. “Told me before he left.”

“Peeta is talented,” Marvel says in admiration. “I used to play the guitar and it’s not easy to sing while performing. He makes it look easy.”

“He’s producing music, too.” I take a quick sip of my water trying to avoid Cato’s suspicious eyes. “I saw a performance that he helped with that featured Heavensbee and his band, The Thirteen. It was awesome.”

“You know a lot about him,” Cato suddenly remarks.

“He is our roommate,” I retort in a sharp voice.

“I’m just about to finish up,” Peeta says into the mic. “So, I’d like to leave my last performance up to the audience.”

“DUET!” Someone who sounds suspiciously like Paylor yells.

“A duet?” Peeta gives the crowd a smile. “Anyone want to come up here with me?”

I know that there will be a number of ladies willing to sing alongside him.

“KATNISS CAN SING!”

That posh accent can only be Cressida’s.

Peeta looks to me from where I sit in the center of the room, his blue eyes sparkling. “Are you game?”

“You sing, too?” Glimmer asks, her eyes bright as the room fills with encouraging shouts.

“Katniss doesn’t sing,” Cato tells her. “She’s way too shy and will only do it in front of people she really trusts.”

I’m already standing up.

Taking off my apron, I step onto the stage and place it on the stool that Peeta had abandoned. The spotlight blinds me from the audience so I can’t see just how upset Cato must be.

He knows damn well—or at least he knows now, that there are some things that he doesn’t know about me.

The rowdy crowd cheers as I smile at Peeta. “What are we singing?”

“Don’t worry,” he says in an assuring tone. “You know the song.”

Going to the mic, Peeta winks at me before looking to the crowd.

“So a few months ago, Katniss and I took a drive up to Connecticut. I found out that we both shared an affinity for the same musicians and this artist seemed to be at the top of our list. I’m going to have to change up one word—you probably won’t even notice.”

The crowd titters at his words while I blush at his anecdote.

Now Cato knows that I’ve been alone with Peeta.

Peeta strums the beginning notes and I immediately know the song.

It was one that we sang together on the way home from Thanksgiving dinner at the Mellark house.

_“I woke dreaming we had broke_  
_Dreaming you left me for someone new,_  
_And you cried drying those grey eyes_  
_Crying you're sorry, sorry won't do…”_

Peeta looks to me, guitar across his chest, and presses his forehead to mine.

The interruption of someone at the drums has me turning to see Heavensbee at the usually empty drum set as Peeta sings the chorus to the song.

Turning to the mic, I realize that it’s my turn to sing.

_“Last night we had a great fight_  
_I fell asleep in horrible state_  
_Then dreamt you loved my best friend…”_

My mind goes to the week that Prim had come to visit and how jealous I had been. How it had hit me like a freight train that I wanted this man for myself. I wanted him more than I’ve ever wanted anything or anyone else.

My hand reaches to caress his cheek as I sing into the mic.

_“But this is the way I need to wake_  
_I wake to you, and you never left me_  
_All that I dreamt had been untrue_  
_Open my eyes I see sky…”_

Up here on this stage, the feeling of freedom takes over and all I see is Peeta. The faint sounds of someone letting out a wolf-whistle catches my ears but it’s hard to focus when Peeta is staring at me with love in those sweet blue eyes.

I just want to lose myself in him.

We smile at one another as we sing the chorus, once more, into the mic with Heavensbee as our backup.

_“Oh oh oh oh you know_  
_The way to keep me on my toes…_  
_I-I-I-I'll be just fine_  
_Just say you'll stay forever mine_  
_Till we fall asleep tonight…”_

“WOO KATNISS!” Alma’s shout breaks through our bubble as Peeta and I begin the bridge of the song, our lips so close against the mic that we could almost be singing into a kiss.

_“Sometimes I forget to love you like I should_  
_But I'd never leave you_  
_No, I never would, I never would…”_

My face hurts from my bright grin and the crowd roars in approval. Being here on stage with Peeta is electrifying.

Being with Peeta is electrifying.

As the final chords are played and we finish the last bit of the song, my arms go around Peeta’s neck in excitement as he quickly takes his guitar off his body to pull me close.

“I’m so proud of you, Katniss,” he whispers in my ear.

“Thank you, Peeta,” I say, my voice thick with tears. “Thank you for everything.”

When I turn to look out at the cheering crowd, I spot the one person who’s not on their feet clapping, a cold stare in his blue eyes.

++++++

We walk out into the chilly evening air.

“Katniss, what the hell was that?” Cato asks as he turns to me, rage in his eyes.

“It was a song,” I reply simply.

“No, that was not just a song!” He looks at me with anger. “You were practically eye-fucking Peeta on stage!”

“I never expected him to happen.” I know if I don’t tell him now, we will continue this tireless circle of a relationship. “I couldn’t help it, Cato. I just couldn’t.”

“You couldn’t help but fuck him?” Cato scoffs. “That’s a pathetic excuse for cheating, Katniss.”

The front door opens and Peeta steps out. His eyes are calm as he approaches us.

Cato glares at him but makes no advance. “You had a plethora of girls at your disposal. But, you had to take Katniss, too?”

“I kissed _him_ , Cato.” Cato looks to me at my outburst. “I kissed Peeta first and I pushed him for the rest.” My eyes go to Peeta, who remains silent. “I wanted him for myself.”

“I knew something was going on.” Cato is seething as he stares at me. “I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew you changed.”

“How?” I manage to ask.

“The picture frames in our room were dusty,” he informs me. “You’re a neat freak, Katniss. You used to wake up early every Saturday to clean your house. The tops of the frames were lined with dust so I knew that you hadn’t been sleeping in our room.”

Cato glares at Peeta, whose eyes remain still.

“Plus,” Cato continues. “You said you were here last night when you came home. I was here last night having a drink and waiting for you.” He gives me a short laugh. “So, I’m not a goddamn idiot. You two have been fucking behind my back. Were you planning to keep it going when I got back?”

“No,” Peeta responds. “We agreed that we would stop when you came back. But then something changed.”

Cato shakes his head in disbelief. “What?”

“I fell in love with him.” My gaze goes to Peeta. “Very much so.”

It feels good to admit it out loud.

“And, I fell in love with her,” Peeta says, his eyes on me, glowing and beautiful.

“I thought you loved me,” Cato reasons and there is a slight hitch in his voice. “We’ve been together since we were kids. This wasn’t supposed to happen this way.”

“There is always going to be a part of me that loves you,” I respond. “We were each other’s firsts. That is something special.” My eyes go to the man in front of me. “But, we were never in love with each other. Loved each other—yes. But, in love?” I shake my head, tears escaping my eyes. “Never.”

“How do you know that?” he asks me in a tight voice.

I look to Peeta, who gives me an encouraging nod. I know that no matter what happens, he’s going to support me.

“I don’t think I could explain it.” I begin to sob, my throat tight as I press on. “I don’t think that you’ll ever understand until it happens to you.” I put a hand on his shoulder and Cato bows his head. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I would’ve given you everything, Katniss,” he tells me in a choked voice.

“I know you would’ve.” He meets my eyes and I can see the faint spark of tears. “But, I don’t want everything. I just want to be loved for being me—the me that you never bothered to understand. I’m not the same girl that you grew up with in Panem. I’ve changed. I just couldn’t show you because I was too scared to let go of what we had. I was too scared to let go of my security blanket—you.”

“And now?” Cato turns to look at Peeta; a heated yet beaten down look in his eyes. “You’re choosing him?”

“I didn’t say that,” I reply firmly.

“We can still work this out.” Cato’s eyes are glassy with pain. “I can learn to love the new you—whoever that is. We can have something better.” He glances over at Peeta before meeting my eyes once more. “You just have to choose, Katniss.”

I close my eyes and take a breath to rush through my memories of Cato and of Peeta.

I think of Cato’s smile and Peeta’s kiss…then I think of myself.

When I open my eyes, it is all so clear.

I shake my head at Cato. “I can’t go back to being the person that you want me to be. But, some part of me will always love you, Cato.” A whimper escapes my mouth. “I hope that one day you’ll be my best friend again.”

Then I go to Peeta, my hand almost reaching for him but I just can’t muster the strength without breaking down.

“We could’ve been something great, Peeta,” I say to this beautiful man in front of me and the tears can’t help but drip from my eyes.

This man was the one who helped me understand how it truly felt to be in love; the one whose kiss caused fireworks and whose smile caused the flutter in my chest to happen.

“But you and I both know that we couldn’t begin anything with such a shaky start.”

Peeta gives me a nod in understanding, his blue eyes crystalline with tears.

He doesn’t have to tell me—I know he’s proud.

This is what Peeta wanted for me from the beginning.

“Cato, you wanted me to choose.”

I step back from both of them. I step back from my past—and what I wished was my future.

“I choose me.”

Taking a deep breath, I turn around and walk into the unknown.

* * *

 

I know a few of you were expecting this.

Does it make it any better? Not really.

Feel free to yell at me. Hubbs enjoys when there are others who share his rage.

I’m feeling a little blue off of all of this.

Song: “Sky”-Josh Radin feat. Ingrid Michaelson (I’ve known from the beginning that this was going to be the song that they’d sing together)

Just in case you didn’t know, the word change in the song was “grey”.

Now for some bad news—I’m going to be taking a short break to work on my other stories before finishing up on this story.

Next, Chapter Twelve: Peeta— ** _Two Years Later_** —a wedding, a reunion, a baby…

Till then, JLaLa

                                                                                                                                                                           


	12. Peeta-Two Years Later

Almost there, folks. I can’t believe we’ve gotten here.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Twelve: Peeta_ **

_John F. Kennedy International Airport_

_Two Years Later…_

“PEETA! WAIT FOR ME!”

Turning as I step out of the jet bridge door, I capture the tiny, mocha-skinned girl in my embrace.

Rue is seven, precocious, and a huge ball of energy.

Since I first met her in Africa, she has been my constant shadow.

“Whoa there!” I laugh as she bounces in my arms. Placing her back onto the ground, I look up at her parents. “You sure that you can handle this crazy little girl?”

“I think we’re going to be fine,” Alma tells me, her eyes lovingly on her daughter.

“She was fated to be with us,” Heavensbee adds as Rue rushes to her father’s side. “That energy—only somebody with that dynamism could roll with our band!” He kisses the top of her head and then looks to me. “You want to come over for dinner?”

“Sure,” I tell them. “I just have to make a stop somewhere.”

Alma gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Tell them we said hello and we’ll see them at the welcome back party.”

Nodding, I give the family a smile. “See you tonight!”

Turning, I step into the corridor where the taxi line will be.

“PEETA!” I turn once more to see Rue running over. She stops in front of me, excited and breathless. “Do you think that you’ll see _her_?”

My mind’s eye goes to those deep greys and the memory of rich olive skin under my hands.

I shake my head at the little girl. “I don’t think so. It’s been awhile and I don’t think that she works at the bar, anymore.”

Rue nods in disappointment but quickly brightens. “It’s okay! Cressie says that if it’s meant to happen then it will happen.”

“Well, your big sister is a smart girl.” I give her one last hug. “Go on. I’ll see you tonight.”

Making sure that Rue is back with Alma and Heavensbee, I head down the hallway to take my first steps into Manhattan after almost two years.

++++++

“She’s adorable,” Johanna says as she flips through the photos of Rue’s goodbye party at the orphanage. Rue had lived there since she was two and has been veteran of the place by the time her adoption was approved. “Makes me want to have one of my own.”

Being the afternoon, the bar is empty since they don’t open until later this evening so Haymitch joins us at the table where we sit. He drapes an arm around Johanna’s shoulder, perked at her words.

“Oh yeah?” He looks at the photo that Johanna holds of Rue with her new family. “I wouldn’t mind walking around with one of those baby carriers strapped to my chest.”

“Yes, because that’s exactly what we need,” Johanna retorts though her eyes seem a little bright at the thought. “A baby in the bar.” She winks at me. “Took me long enough just to say yes to marrying him!”

I look to Haymitch.  “How many times did you ask?”

“Three.” He looks in feign irritation at his fiancée. “Three times since you left for your tour with Heavensbee and The Thirteen…and now the soon-to-be Mrs. Abernathy decides that we’re going to have an actual wedding.”

“You’re lucky that I said yes,” Johanna counters. “We could’ve just continued living in sin despite the numerous times you asked.” She turns to me. “One week from now, it’s going to be upstate. So, you better be prepared.”

“It’s a good thing that I received your letter in time,” I tell the couple. “Mail in Johannesburg can get disorganized. Also, we were so busy touring and performing that it was hard to even get to a phone.”

I pick up the picture of me and Rue. In the photo, I’m about to push her on the swing that was set up in the courtyard of her orphanage.

It was the first day that I met the little girl.

I had no idea that Alma and Heavensbee had been in the process of adopting Rue for almost two years. They met her during a tour of the South African orphanage when she was only three and the couple instantly fell in love with the wide-eyed girl.

However, the process for adopting from another country was a lengthy procedure.

I was asked to join the tour after Paylor decided that she was leaving the band to settle down and obtain her doctorate in Economics. At that point, it had only been three months since Katniss had separated from Cato and myself.

I had nowhere to go and no one to come home to.

So, I accepted and took the 12-hour flight to meet the band in Kenya. I was introduced to Rue a week after I arrived and she took to me immediately. I grew into an unofficial part of their family, becoming a surrogate brother to both Rue and Cressida.

“You okay there?” Johanna looks at me in concern, patting my hand understandingly. “You seem to have wandered off…it happens a lot when I start talking about wedding crap or dresses. I tend to leave this talk for my Maid of Honor but she’s gone upstate to look over the site and visit friends.”

Haymitch elbows her slightly and she glares at his motion.

“You never mentioned who your Maid of Honor was,” he explains through his clenched teeth.

They communicate through slight looks and gestures before finally turning to me. I’m still amazed at a couple’s ability to speak without actually talking. I’ve seen it with Heavensbee and Alma for the last two years and in front of me with the soon-to-be-married couple.

Even now, there is still something in me that yearns for that kind of connection with a person.

Because the only person that I’ve ever communicated with in that way walked away from me in front of this very bar, two years ago.

And, every day I tell myself that I yearn for that kind of connection when, truthfully, I yearn for her.

I miss Katniss. Every day, I’ve missed her.

“Peeta,” Johanna calls out, anxiousness in her voice. It’s actually very strange to see Johanna so nervous as she is usually the calmer one between the two. “There is something that I didn’t mention when we wrote to you about performing for the wedding.” She takes Haymitch’s hand, her round-cut diamond shining in the dim room. “My Maid of Honor—”

“It’s Katniss,” Haymitch suddenly says, cutting off his fiancée. “Johanna’s Maid of Honor is Katniss.”

++++++

“You’re joking,” Cressida says as we sit around the coffee table in the living room of the Heavensbee home located in Hell’s Kitchen. “That is un-buh-lievable…” Her round eyes grow bigger in surprise. “Here’s your chance, little brother.”

“Two years is a long time,” Alma comments as she joins us from the kitchen. “You two are different people now…”

“But, he’s never forgotten her.” Heavensbee takes a sip from his wine glass in contemplation, then pours a little bit more of the burgundy liquid into mine from the bottle next to him. “That has to mean something.” The man looks to me and raises his glass. “You have a sketchbook practically dedicated to her.”

“And, that gorgeous dandelion painting that hangs in Rue’s room,” Cressida adds with a smirk. “Doesn’t that have something to do with Katniss?”

“I used to draw dandelions on her music sheets,” I say quietly, almost to myself.

I recall that last note I gave her with the dandelion on it, along with that one word: _Always._

Alma pats my hand consolingly before sitting next to her husband. “Maybe what was old can be new again.”

I give the three a smile. “Maybe.”

A pair of dainty steps interrupts us and we see that Rue is in the doorway in a buttercup-colored nightgown.

“I think that you’re up for story time duty,” Cressida tells me. She holds out her arms to her little sister. “Come here, pumpkin.” Rue goes to her big sister and is immediately engulfed in the woman’s embrace. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Rue whispers against her sister’s shoulder.

They end their hug with an Eskimo kiss.

Then, Rue goes to Alma and Heavensbee to give her new mama and papa a goodnight kiss.

Finally, the young girl holds out her hand to me excitedly. “Come on, Peeta!”

Together, we walk up the stairs of the two-floor brownstone and go into the whipped-cream white room that is her bedroom. Her blanket is a mixture of oranges, purples, and golds. Books are littered all over the room and in the corner is a small keyboard that I occasionally teach her to play.

Right above her bed is the picture of the large, lush dandelion.

I put Katniss’ art kit to good use in Africa, sketching out Mount Kilimanjaro and the Great Pyramids of Giza. Now, there is a book filled with every sight I’ve seen, every song I’ve sung with the band, and every precious moment spent on that beautiful, natural continent.

I think I made that book for Katniss.

It is the book that Rue is currently holding out in front of me.

“This again?” I grin at her as she hops onto her bed. “Aren’t you tired of this?”

“It reminds me of my old home,” she tells me softly. “I don’t want to forget. I love my Mommy and Daddy and Cressie…but they told me at the orphanage that I would always be a child of Africa.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” I open the book for her. “None of us want you to forget where you came from.” I point to the picture of a small courtyard littered with soccer balls and jump ropes. In the middle of the yard is a tall tree with a single swing hanging off its branch. “This is where we first met.”

Rue smiles in fond remembrance. “I used to jump rope with Nora here,” Rue replies as she points to one of the spots on the sketch. Nora was one of the other girls in the orphanage as well as Rue’s roommate. “She wasn’t there the day that we met.”

“Yes.” I nod in confirmation. “You were sitting on the swing and asked me to give you a push.”

The little girl turns the page of the book and my breath catches at the next sketch.

Even after two years, just the sight of her leaves me breathless.

“When can I meet her?” Rue asks, her chocolate eyes excited.

“I haven’t even seen her yet,” I reply quietly. “I don’t want you to get your hopes up, Rue. We’re different people now. Things might not be the same.”

“But, you said that Katniss was smart, kind, and pretty,” Rue says as I pull back her blanket so she can scoot under the bright cover. “Do you think she has changed and become more?”

“Like do I think that she’s become smarter, kinder, and prettier?” Rue nods as she stares up at me. “I know she has—which means that Katniss is way too good for me now. I don’t stand a chance.”

“Cressie says that you don’t believe in yourself enough.” Rue sits up and wraps her arms around my neck to hug me. “And, Nora and I always thought that you were the prince at the end of this book.” She pulls away to offer the book to me. “Show it to her.”

I agree to her order and give her a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“Goodnight Rue.” Standing up, I turn off the light on her side table. “I’ll see you at practice tomorrow. You get to meet Haymitch and Johanna, too.”

“Can’t wait!” She says excitedly as I turn on her night light by the door. “I think I’m going to like Manhattan.”

++++++

“Holy shit, you’re tanned!”

Rowe is hugging me tightly—as tightly as her swollen belly will allow her, anyway.

Yes, my big sister is pregnant.

“Are mothers supposed to curse?” I ask with an amused smile.

“They sure as hell do,” Mom suddenly interrupts as she rushes over to me in the front room of the house. “My baby!”

“Not quite a baby anymore,” Dad remarks as he joins our embrace. “We’ve been telling all of our friends how our youngest boy has been touring with Heavensbee and The Thirteen. Your mother and I are now the coolest parents on the block.”

“Glad to have given you street cred.” I look over to where my sister stands with her muscular, golden-haired husband. Next to him, Rowe looks tiny despite the protruding bump in front of her. It had been a surprise, last year, when I received a garbled phone call from Rowe telling me that she was now married—and expecting a baby. “Am I supposed to like him?”

“Gloss was a good friend of Jax when they were in high school,” my Mom informs me. “I’m surprised you don’t remember him.”

“Your sister had quite the crush on him,” Dad adds. “So when Jax met up with him at his high school reunion, he made sure to invite Gloss for dinner.”

Jax walks over to me and claps my shoulder. “I didn’t think that he was going to get Rowe pregnant though.”

Rowe waddles…yes waddles…over to us, her hand entwined with her husband’s.

Holy crap—Rowe has a husband.

“Peeta, I want to introduce you to your brother-in-law, Gloss,” my sister starts, her blue eyes bright with adoration. “Gloss, my baby brother—Peeta.”

Gloss gives me a nervous yet friendly smile. “It’s nice to finally meet you. I keep hearing about this little brother who is going to be our girl’s godfather.” His hand goes protectively to Rowe’s bump.

“I get to be godfather?” My mouth rises in a bright smile and I embrace the brother that I just met a few seconds ago in happiness. “We just met, but I approve!”

Mom ushers us out of the room because Rowe bellows that she’s starving.

As we walk down the hallway towards the dining room, my eyes suddenly catch a photo hanging on the wall adjacent to me.

It is the one that Mom took of Katniss and me during our Christmas Eve visit; her head rests on my shoulder as my lips press into her sweet-smelling hair.

I can still feel the warmth of her against me.

We look happy. We look content. We look in love.

There were times when we didn’t believe that our relationship was a farce.

“It’s a nice picture.” I turn to see my Mom standing next to me. “I think it was the last time I saw you really happy.”

When my family found out about the whole affair, they were disappointed. However, they also saw how much Katniss changed me—I was better, and I was happy. Though I think it still hurts Mom remembering those few weeks after the affair when I would just come to the house and disappear into my room.

“I’m happy now,” I assure her and put an arm around her shoulders. “I’m home.”

“But you were the happiest when you were with her,” Mom informs me bluntly. “When are you going to bring her back over? I miss Katniss—and so does everyone else.”

“She’s visiting friends this week,” I blurt out.

Mom links our arms as we head over to the dining room. “And, how would you know that?”

“Because I’m performing at Haymitch and Johanna’s wedding,” I say with a sigh before looking to her. “And, guess who the Maid of Honor is?”

My mother looks to me and shakes her head in disbelief. “You’re joking.”

“Nope. Katniss Everdeen will be the Maid of Honor for the wedding that I’m going to be singing at,” I inform her tensely. “It’s crazy, isn’t it?”

Mom simply smiles, her hand patting mine. “No, it’s fate.”

++++++

“So, is Christmas different when you’re in another country?” Rowe asks me.

After dinner, my sister wanted to take a walk to help alleviate her backache and dragged both of her brothers along. Gloss is at home, setting up the bed that he and Rowe will sleep in tonight.

I shake my head. “Nope. Christmas Carols are the same tune. The words are a little different, though.”

“And, no snow?” Jax says as we walk down the block from our house.

“It would get a bit cold in places, but I didn’t really experience any snow,” I tell my brother. Taking in a breath, I look around my childhood neighborhood at the lit-up houses, then at our house—the brightest of them all. “I’ve definitely missed this.”

“Don’t forget your cool older siblings,” my sister says and then pats her tummy. “And, your soon-to-be niece.” She gives me a careful smile. “I bet you missed being around familiar company.”

“It was lonely,” I admit, my eyes wandering. “Even when I was in the middle of some very beautiful things, I still felt alone sometimes.”

“You miss her?” Jax asks gently.

I turn to him, unable to hide my pain.

“Maybe I miss a ghost. I’m afraid that after two years, we will have nothing between us.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Rowe tells me sympathetically. “Maybe the fire has softened, but things can be rekindled—you just have to be patient.” She looks over to our house, a lovely smile on her face. “I mean, look at me and Gloss. That first time I saw him, it was like he never left and I was that teenager hiding while he and Jax played Donkey Kong in the next room.”

I look to Rowe and Jax. “Do you really think that it will be that instantaneous?”

“You’ll never know until you see her,” Jax says as we reach the porch.

“Whatever happens, we’re here,” Rowe adds. “I mean I can barely move—so I’ll definitely be around.”

We all let out chuckles and I press a kiss to the top of her head. “It’s really nice to be the Mellark three again.”

“Agreed,” Jax says. “Actually, thanks to Rowe—we’re more like the Mellark four and three-quarters.”

“We can add one more if you marry Cashmere like Gloss and I have been telling you to,” Rowe retorts and turns away from our beet-red brother. “Cashmere is Gloss’ sister, by the way.”

They both fall into the argument on the merits of marrying into the same family while my mind drifts off to my last Christmas with Katniss; seeing her face light up at the sight of our decorated house, her sitting with my mother as they looked through previous Christmases in the family album, feeling her head on my shoulder, and making love in my old bed.

“How about you, Peeta?” Rowe suddenly says, pulling me from my memories. “You going to be adding someone to the Mellark clan next year?”

I shrug. “We’ll see.”

 

++++++

“Let’s take five,” Heavensbee tells the band before walking over to me. “How’s it going?”

“I’m enjoying the synthesizer.” My eyes go to the laptop connected to the keyboard which I’ve been playing for the last two hours. “Maybe you should do the solo though—”

There is a lone round of applause and I look up to see Thresh in a dark green sweater and black slacks standing before me.

“I’ll be damned.” I grin at my friend. “I didn’t know high school teachers frequented bars!”

“I made an exception,” Thresh responds with a bright grin. “I feel like it was just yesterday that I was sitting at that table—” He points to our usual spot in the center of the bar. “—listening to you tune your guitar.”

Jumping from the stage, I pull him into a hug. The rest of the band calls out a greeting to my old friend.

Together, we go to our usual table and Haymitch places two beer bottles in front of us.

“Nice seeing you,” Thresh says to the man. “Congratulations on the wedding. Third time’s a charm, right?”

“Watch it or you’re paying for those beers,” Haymitch tells him good naturedly.

“Duly noted,” Thresh replies before holding out his bottle to me. “Toast, bro.”

We clink bottles before taking quick swigs.

Putting my bottle down on the table, I take a long look at my friend. Two years have definitely changed him; there is a new calmness in his eyes that I wish I could feel. He looks confident and content while I have no idea where I’m going to be tomorrow.

“You look like you’re freaking the fuck out,” Thresh says with a grin. “You want to stay over at my place?”

“Damn, you can still see read my thoughts,” I tell him. “Are you still at the same apartment?”

He nods. “Pretty much, though I travel to Brooklyn every morning to teach.”

Thresh tells me that after he graduated from NYU, he did some traveling. Upon his return from vacationing, he received a call asking if he was interested in teaching US History at the high school that he had attended in Brooklyn. Remembering how bad things had been when he went to the school, Thresh accepted immediately feeling that he was much needed.

“That’s great,” I tell him after he tells me about his students, who have quickly adapted to him. “So where did you go while you were traveling?”

“I helped Annie and Finnick move to their new place in LA,” he explains. “Finnick was offered a spot at a law firm over there and since Annie could pretty much open her business anywhere, she decided to just buy a space close by to their Beverly Hills home.”

“Wow, so her store in SoHo closed down?” I ask curiously.

Thresh shakes his head. “No, Madge is actually running it now. I stopped over to see if she could come by, but she’s training someone today. She’ll be around tomorrow though.” He takes another swig from his bottle. “And, what about you? What have you been doing since you’ve become international?”

I tell him about the last two years in Africa—the successful tour that we did throughout the continent due to the long-standing popularity of the band. Since the early nineties, they had been huge advocates for community safety and the prevention of spreading AIDS. A lot of the money we made performing was given to charity.

I talk about Rue’s adoption and how Heavensbee and Alma are going to settle for a bit to help their daughter adjust to a whole new life.

“And, women?” Thresh asks as we start our fourth round of drinks. “Anyone that I should be meeting?”

I shake my head. “Not really.” He nods in understanding. Thresh had seen what Katniss and I were from the beginning. That type of spark really can’t be replicated. “What about you?”

“There is this one girl,” he says after a moment. “It’s not that serious—not for a lack of trying. If she’s in town, then we hang out and vice-versa.”

I pat his back. “You think I’ll get to meet her?”

“You know her.” Thresh sips quickly from his bottle. “It’s Prim.”

Placing my bottle down, I whip my head back. “Fuck. That’s a pretty big thing not to share.”

“Well, we only hang out when she’s in town,” he reiterates. “Or, if I just happen to be in Panem’s vicinity.”

“‘Just happen to be?’” I look at him with skepticism. “I remember Katniss telling me that the place is in the middle of nowhere.”

“Okay, I may have driven up there when I was visiting Annie and Finnick.” Thresh bows his head. “You know those Everdeen girls…”

I chuckle at his words. “I sure do.” I take another sip from my bottle. “How are the Everdeens?”

Thresh eyes me for a moment, amused at my careful words. “Prim is planning to move to Washington D.C. for an internship. She’s coming to Johanna and Haymitch’s wedding…as my date. Afterwards, she and Katniss will be looking for an apartment for her around the United States Capitol.” He smiles at me. “She wants to be a lobbyist.”

“Prim is great at showing people her viewpoint.” Katniss once told me that her sister’s words had a really big impact on our beginning. “I don’t doubt that she’d be successful. And, Katniss?”

“Still at Juilliard,” he informs me. “She’s a teacher’s aide now and lives in Johanna’s old studio.” Thresh smirks. “Breathe dude—you probably won’t see her till the wedding.”

“I’ll try to contain myself,” I retort. “One more thing though...”

Thresh turns to me. “What?”

I look down at the smooth surface of our table. “Is she still as beautiful as I remember?”

“I can’t really say as Prim would kick me in the nuts for even looking at her sister like that, but…” Thresh nods once subtly. “Even more so.”

I take a sip from my bottle. “Damn.”

++++++

“GOOD AFTERNOON!” Heavensbee hollers into the microphone through thunderous applause inside Haymitch and Johanna’s bar. “I am Plutarch Heavensbee and we are The Thirteen!” He looks over to his wife and winks. “Thank you for coming to our first performance since our return home. We are lucky because today we have our recent retiree-turned-student Paylor on drums—”

The crowd cheers as Paylor waves at the audience. She had driven up from Virginia to come for a quick vacation and we were happy to have her join us for the performance.

“And we also have one of your local talents—Peeta Mellark on keyboard and back-up vocals!” I nod quickly at Heavensbee’s introduction and beam at the excited applause.

I look around suddenly wishing to see that smoky pair of eyes staring back at me.

_One week._

Suddenly, the wedding can’t come fast enough.

“Some of you are probably wondering where we’ve been,” Heavensbee tells the crowd. His mouth curves into a wide grin. “Well, my lovely wife and I were finally allowed to bring our daughter home. Rue—stand up and say hello!”

Rue, in pink jeans and a white sweater, is placed up on Thresh’s shoulder to wave at everyone who claps in buzzing excitement. She beams at the attention and I smile at her ability to work the crowd.

Today’s performance is open to the public, with Rue and other children allowed in the bar. As the act is meant to be more family-oriented, no alcohol will be served today. The turnout is overwhelming with the bar room filled to the brim. Apparently, The Thirteen have a lot of fans in Manhattan.

“We’re actually going to cover a little song about Rue’s birthplace. Some of you older folks will definitely remember this one and it was a big hit when we were on tour,” Heavensbee tells the crowd. “We have Boggs on lead vocals, Alma on lead guitar, and our extremely talented daughter, Cressida on bass. I will be stepping back and assisting on vocals…” He moves the silver cylinder in his hands. “…and the shaker.”

Paylor counts off and we start.

One of my hands goes to the keyboard as the other guides the levels on the laptop. I look to my right and see Heavensbee using the old shaker that we had bought in Alphabet City to back up my playing.

Boggs nods at me before his lips go to the mic.

_“I hear the drums echoing tonight_   
_But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation_   
_She's coming in twelve-thirty flight_   
_Her moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation…”_

I faintly recognized the song when I first performed it in Kenya as a song that my parents used to listen on their record player. However the more I played it, the more it began to mean something. The words began to be about her—about Katniss.

They say that when you’re in love every song begins to remind you of that person.

And, this very obscure song convinced me of that theory.

Because when we play it, I can almost feel her close to me. I can almost smell her perfume or hear her laugh…

Then, it felt like even in the wide grasslands or lonely deserts that Katniss was with me.

My mouth goes to my own mic to back Boggs up.

_“I bless the rains down in Africa_   
_Gonna take some time to do the things we never had…”_

Heavensbee takes the next verse and I’m attuned to his voice, adjusting the tempo of my playing to fit his voice. His words bring me back to lonelier days, sketching the outline of the breathtaking Mount Kilimanjaro or watching the sun go down against the golden fields that seemed to go on forever.

_“I know that I must do what's right_   
_Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti_   
_I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become…”_

Heavensbee’s gaze goes to me, signaling me to get ready, for after the chorus is my solo on the keyboard. I’ve only been playing for the last year and I’m no means as good as Katniss was, but I have caught on.

Before I know it, my solo is upon me and my hands deftly move along the keys, taking on a life of their own. The cheers of the crowd tell me that I’m doing well.

Something inside is wishing…hoping…praying that wherever she is, Katniss can hear it.

Every note I’ve played has been for Katniss—a jumbled, chaotic love song calling for her.

Suddenly, I feel the band’s eyes on me as they collectively sing.

_“Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you…”_

And then, there she is.

Backlit by the light of the open doorway, Katniss walks in and her eyes immediately meet mine.

_“It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you_   
_There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do…”_

Her hair is a little shorter, now resting on her shoulders, and she’s looks much more professional in her fitted burgundy dress and knee-high boots.

But that smile...

It still rings of that girl that I once sang with in a meadow.

Katniss goes to the bar, leaning against it as she listens to our song, and it seems like the words are even more amplified.

It’s as if she did hear me all the way from the other side of the world.

My heart beats in my ears as we finish the song and Heavensbee’s soulful voice repeats the last words of the chorus to the cheers of the crowd. We all stand and bow to the thunderous applause in the room.

Then, I am jumping off the stage and I can see her pushing her way through the crowd towards me.

Before I know it, I am a step away from Katniss.

Thresh was right—she is even more beautiful than I remember.

“Peeta.” Her voice is joyfully thick.

“Katniss.” Her name comes out in a tight, longing call.

I’m not sure who moves first, but my arms are suddenly pulling her close and she is burying her face on my clothed chest.

I’m home.

Rowe was right—it’s like we never parted.

“Hey guys,” a voice behind Katniss calls out.

It’s Cato—and in his arms is a dark-haired infant with familiar almond-shaped eyes.

* * *

 

Seriously, I know that you probably hate me right now. I can’t really blame you.

Two years has _really_ change things.

But rest assure—the endgame will be the same.

Songs: “Africa”—Toto

Next, Chapter Thirteen (the last official chapter before the epilogue): Katniss—Two Years Later—The Maid of Honor, the Wedding Singer, and the Ex.

Remember—feedback is love.

Until then, JLaLa


	13. Katniss-Two Years Later

The last official chapter. It’s finally here.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

You Don’t Know Me

**_Chapter Thirteen: Katniss_ **

_Two Years Later—December 23 rd…_

“Gentle…” I instruct as my hand sways slowly down.

On my command, the cello section softens ever so slightly and I bring down the baton to finish the final bars of my composition. It has taken two years and many sleepless nights but six months ago I presented my piece to the commencement council.

Within the week, my full score was chosen.

I, Katniss Everdeen, will be conducting my first complete work for our graduation.

Am I scared? Fuck yeah—but, it’s exciting.

I did this for myself.

My eyes go to the worn music sheets with the hand-drawn dandelions along its sides and I smile at the memory of deep blue eyes watching over me.

I did it for myself—but it came at a price.

The orchestra lets out a collective cheer and I bow to their applause.

Despite all of this wonderful recognition, my eyes still go to that open doorway. I think I’m always hoping that I’ll see him there, leaning against the wooden frame, and beaming at me with pride.

“BRAVA!” Beetee rushes over and gives me a tight embrace. “Wonderful! Has anyone else heard it?”

I shake my head. “My Dad and Prim want to be surprised. Gale only heard about half of the arrangement when he came to visit from Spain. Johanna and Haymitch will probably want to hear it, though. Maybe after the wedding, I can have them stop by and see the final dress rehearsal?”

“Of course,” my teacher and mentor responds, his dark eyes peering at me from behind his round glasses. “Anyone else?”

I immediately know who he is referring to and shake my head. “He’s still in Africa. Haymitch and Johanna are waiting and hoping that he got their letter in time.” My cell phone vibrates and I look to see the soon-to-be Mrs. Abernathy’s face on the screen. “Speaking of which, it’s bitch-zilla.”

“Don’t you mean bridezilla?” Beetee responds with a smirk.

“Bridezilla, I could tolerate. Johanna is a level above that,” I tell him as I answer the phone. “Hey, Mrs. Abernathy.”

“I heard that you little shit!” Johanna shouts through the phone though I can clearly hear amusement in her voice. “I’m revoking your Maid of Honor status as of now!”

“Go ahead,” I challenge her. Packing up my things, I wave to Beetee and the orchestra. “I could use a break from debating the difference between taupe and beige.”

Outside, there is a light settling of snow along the sidewalk. Although it is only the late afternoon, the sky is already becoming dark. I let out a whistle to call for an oncoming taxi. A bright yellow cab stops right in front of me and as I step in, I tell the man my destination.

“There is a difference,” Johanna argues. “One made you look like you had jaundice and the other didn’t. Anyway, are you all set with the paperwork?”

“Yes, my love,” I assure her, a smile on my lips. “Table arrangements and everything. Your site planner’s vagina is practically cowering because of you so I doubt that you’ll have any problems with your little winter wonderland. So, relax and enjoy Christmas with your affianced. This might be the last Christmas that you’re alone…”

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” the bride-to-be tells me. “A bunch of little Abernathy critters running into one another in our tiny bar.” She takes a calming breath into the phone. “It’s not a horrible idea but I need further convincing. Anyway, have fun and say hello to everyone for me! Love you!”

“Love you, too,” I tell her before hanging up. Locking my phone, I put it in my purse and sit back to enjoy the rest of my ride.

“Going anywhere nice for the holidays?” the driver asks me.

I give him a smile through the rearview mirror.

“Visiting family.”

++++++

_Upstate New York_

“Cato!”

Turning, the handsome man in front of me gives me a big smile before engulfing me in a hug.

“How was the trip?” he asks as we step down from the small train platform and head over to the station’s parking lot. “Hopefully not too bad.”

I shake my head, touched at his protectiveness. “Not at all. I’m just exhausted because I was finishing up my last rehearsal before Christmas break.” Looking around expectantly, I stop my steps and turn to him. “Where—”

“KATNISS!” I’m immediately surrounded by the scent of light, sweet herb and baby powder. Pulling away, Clove gives me a kiss on the cheek before handing me the giggling, gurgling meatloaf that is my Godson. “Jack always knows when his Godmother is coming. Spit up all over me while we were waiting for your train to come in.”

I look to the dark-haired baby with his wide, dark eyes. “Are you causing your Mommy and Daddy trouble, Jacky?” The little boy doesn’t respond, choosing only to blow drool bubbles at me and giggle. I look to the couple and smile. “Don’t worry. I’ll have baby duty for the next two days.”

“Now, we’re _really_ glad that you’re up here,” Cato says before taking his wife’s hand and leading us over to the burgundy 4Runner. “Thanks for the free time.”

“No problem,” I respond as I open the rear passenger door and easily put Jack into his seat.

With me, the nine-month-old doesn’t fuss. Instead, Jack chooses to look me over trying to discern who his mother is and who his Godmother is.

Clove and I share similar features: long, dark hair, pointed chins, and the same eye shape. However, that is where the similarities end. My eye color is clearly a slate grey while Clove’s eyes are the color of dark-brown liqueur which Jack has inherited. Clove is also petite with myself towering over her by more than a few inches.

Don’t let the height fool you. She is a fierce type of woman—a mama bear, a warrior, and most of all, the one person who was able to get my ex-boyfriend’s head out of his ass.

Soon, we are heading over to Cato and Clove’s home. It is tucked away in a private cul-de-sac and eerily reminds me of the house from _Father of the Bride_. I can see Jack growing up in that house, learning to ride a bike in their long driveway, or pushing his one-day sibling on a tree swing in the backyard.

“So…have they heard anything?” Clove asks as Cato drives down the quiet main street of their town.

I shake my head. “No. No word yet. I don’t know if I should feel sad or relieved.”

The couple looks at one another briefly before Clove turns to me once more with a kind smile on her pink lips.

“I think that you’ll get your Christmas wish,” she says before letting me relax for the rest of the trip.

++++++

I shoot up in bed at the phone ringing on my side table.

Groaning, I reach over to put the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“It’s us.” I straighten at the anxious sound of Haymitch’s voice. “You know how we told you that we wrote Peeta a letter about performing for the wedding?”

My heart beats in my ears. “Yeah?”

“Well…he and The Thirteen will be here in a few days,” Haymitch tells me.

Standing up, I begin to pace the length of the guestroom that I occupy.

“That’s great. I think he’s going to do a great job with his performance.”

“Are you okay?” Johanna’s voice rings into my ear, full of worry. “We can cancel.”

“No—this is important to you,” I tell the couple. “I’m going to be fine. Peeta and I didn’t separate on bad terms. We just chose not to talk to each other for two years.”

“You don’t sound okay,” the bride-to-be responds bluntly. “You sound like you’re pacing.”

I stop mid-pace and sit back on the bed. “I was the one who made him go away. Peeta probably hates me.”

“I don’t think that at all,” Haymitch suddenly says. “No, darling…that man—he loves you just as much as you love him. I’m sure of it. And, you’re practically _Sound of Music_ Sister Maria virginal waiting for him.”

I let out a subdued laugh. “And how do you know who Sister Maria is?”

“My wife-to-be has a fondness for Julie Andrews,” he tells me. “The point is that we wanted to tell you and not have you coming into the bar one day to find him here.”

“Thanks. I’ll be prepared,” I tell the couple. There’s a knock on my door. “I have to go. The Marrieds are awake.” Hanging up, I call out and the sleep-mussed heads of both Cato and Clove peek through my door. “Good morning, Mom and Dad.”

Clove sticks her tongue out at me before widening the door. She is carrying Jack and the two skip into the room before plopping down on the bed with me. Cato chooses to sit at the corner of the bed after a moment.

I know it is strange for him—this comfort and closeness that we have somehow maintained and Clove has fit in so easily that I don’t know how we had managed without her before.

When our families found out that we split up, they were actually very understanding. Cato’s parents weren’t exactly planning a wedding nor was my Dad. His Mom even called to check up on me the New Year’s after Cato and I separated.

It had been a full year before he was able to build up the nerve to call me again. Most of our communication was fielded between our parents and Gale. However, Cato had been the one to call to ask if I was coming to Panem for Thanksgiving that following year.

He wanted to check because he was bringing a girl that Marvel and Glimmer had introduced him to for Thanksgiving dinner which all of our families usually gathered for.

Her name was Clove.

I didn’t realize that the reason Glimmer acted so strange towards me when we first met was because she had actually intended on introducing Cato to her former college roommate.

“Who was that?” Clove asks offhandedly as I take Jack from her.

As I bounce him towards me, he lets out a laugh and I grin seeing my childhood friend’s smile. Jack has the best of both his parents—Cato’s charm and Clove’s openness.

“It was Mr. and soon-to-be Mrs. Abernathy,” I tell the couple, my eyes on Jack’s toothless smile. “Peeta is coming for the wedding.”

Clove, who was fiddling with my slept-in braid, meets my eyes. “Interesting. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know.” I pull Jack onto my lap as he snuggles against me. “Happy…scared…”

“Horny?” Clove offers with a smile before looking to her husband. “Sorry, love.”

“You’re lucky that you’re so cute,” Cato retorts with a grin and his wife scrunches her nose at him in adoration.

God, I envy how happy they are sometimes.

But when I see them like this, I know that what Peeta and I had was meant to be. Because if we didn’t happen, Cato and Clove would never have happened. If they didn’t happen, then there would be no Jack. Cato and I were in the wrong kind of relationship and it almost lost us years of friendship.

“Okay, I think this is getting a little weird,” I tell them. “Especially with you both on my bed. The end note of this is that Peeta will be there. I’m going to see him after two years…and I don’t know what’s going to happen.” I look up at them and muster up a smile. “I’m going to okay…fine…great.”

Clove shakes her head before looking to her husband. “Talk to her, won’t you?” She takes Jack from my arms. “This little man needs to be fed.”

With that, Clove quickly leaves the room.

I look down at the pretty floral bedspread trying to not focus on the silence.

Finally, I look up to Cato who is trying to hold in his laugh.

“What?” I ask, a smile spread on my lips.

“It’s different, you know,” he tells me. “Going from kids, to boyfriend and girlfriend, and now this.” Cato meets my eyes. “I want to help you the best that I can—as your old friend. How do you really feel?”

I let out a shaky breath. “I’ve missed him.” I blink and feel the tears drip down my face. “But, what if it’s not the same? What if I’ve been holding on to a feeling that’s faded for him?”

“You love him, Katniss,” Cato tells her firmly. “You loved him enough to let go of what was comfortable for you—” He gives me a mock-pout. “—and grab onto something that wasn’t exactly on solid foundation but had great potential.”

My best friend gives me a comforting smile and I move closer to him.

“For a long time, I never understood how you let that happen—until I met Clove. Then, that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach came and everything inside of me just turned to fire. All at once, I understood how being in love could change it all. Looking back now, I remember how you glowed around him—how he glowed around you. And, that performance? The one that changed everything? It just solidified everything that I was trying to deny—that you two were in love with each other.”

“Did I ever tell you how sorry I am for hurting you?” I tell him.

Cato shakes his head and holds out his arms. “No, it was all fate.” I easily fall into them, my head going to his chest.

Solid, sure Cato—this was the friend that I knew was always there. However during our relationship, we brought out the worst in each other.

“If you hadn’t left then, I wouldn’t have grown up. I wouldn’t have grown up for _them_.” He looks out the door to where Jack’s nursery is before meeting my eyes once more. “So, thank you for hurting me.”

“Do you think it will all work out with Peeta and me?” I ask. “I’m not the same girl and he’s likely not the same guy.”

“I think—” Cato places a kiss on my head. “—that it will all just fall into place.”

“You two look adorable.” We turn to see Clove grinning at us from the doorway. She approaches, sitting behind me, and joining our embrace before looking to Cato. “Did you talk some sense into her?”

“I think that we should head to Manhattan for a bit,” he suggests with a glint in his eyes. “I think you should meet Peeta, sweetheart.”

I turn to Clove, who winks at me. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

++++++

Peeta smells of sun, of love-soaked nights, and of home.

In his arms, I am home.

“Hey guys.”

We pull apart as Cato greets us, a slight smile on his face as he carries Jack. Looking up, I can see the color drop from Peeta’s face as he looks at the baby in my ex-boyfriend’s arms.

Fuck—he thinks that Jack is ours.

I really want to throttle Cato right now. He comes in at the most inopportune times.

“SORRY!” Clove comes rushing in with Jack’s pacifier in her hands. “I left Jacky’s binky in the car!” She quickly takes her son from Cato to plop the rubber sucker in the infant’s mouth. “I think he might be needing a diaper change, love.”

Suddenly her eyes turn to Peeta, widening in shock.

“Wow,” she manages to breathe out before looking to me. “Now I can see why you stayed celibate for so long.”

While Cato does show up at the most inopportune times, Clove says the most inappropriate things.

She holds her hand out to Peeta boldly. “Clove Morgan—Cato’s wife.”

Peeta recovers quickly and shakes her hand. “Peeta Mellark.”

Jack holds out his arms to me and instinctively I take him from his mother.

“The boy loves his godmother,” Cato informs Peeta with a small grin. He looks to Clove and puts an arm around her. “Why don’t we grab a drink and say hi to everyone?”

They disappear before I can protest.

Peeta meets my gaze, his blue eyes still as beautiful as I remember.

“Hi,” I finally manage to say.

Peeta beams at me. “Hi.” Jack, curious baby that he is, holds his hands out to him.

“I guess that the Marrieds have given me babysitting duty,” I explain.

He chuckles. “The Marrieds?”

I shift Jack in my arms. “It’s what I call Cato and Clove. They’re practically like one person—kind of reminds of Johanna and Haymitch.”

“Why don’t we sit down?” Peeta offers after a moment and he leads me through the throng of people, his hand on the small of my lower back. I look to him and he blushes realizing where his hand is. However, I don’t want him to let up so I move closer as we walk through the crowd.

“So, you’re his Godmother?”

I nod as we find an empty table and Peeta pulls out a chair for me. “Yes. It is a little weird.”

He sits in the chair next to mine, his eyes on Jack who is playing with the tips of my hair.

“I actually think that you look good with a baby,” Peeta replies softly. His eyes practically bulge out at his statement. “I didn’t mean that you look like a mom—because you would be a great mom…not to my children—I mean…DAMN IT!”

I let out a laugh at his flustered words. “Let’s start over. Jack is about the only baby that I get along with.” I kiss the top of Jack’s head. “I was there when he was born.”

“And, you and Cato seem okay,” Peeta states, his eyes going across the room where I’m sure the couple is having a few adult beverages.

“It wasn’t easy,” I respond. “We didn’t talk for about a year. In the end, we realized that we were better as friends and Cato was so head-over-heels for Clove that he proposed six months after they started dating.”

Peeta smirks. “Cato always knew what he wanted.” His eyes rove over me and I can feel that long-forgotten heat spread through my skin. “You’ve grown up, Katniss.”

I meet his eyes unafraid. “So have you, Peeta.” My eyes go to where the band is having drinks together. Beside Heavensbee and Alma stands a young girl with raven curls and when she sees me, she begins to wave excitedly. I give her a bright smile and wave back before her attention is taken somewhere else. “I’m sorry that I never called or wrote when you were in Africa. I kept tabs on you—but I just couldn’t build up the nerve.”

“Neither could I,” he admits. “Maybe this was what was meant to happen.”

“Fate.” The word falls from my lips.

He nods, the look in his eyes inexplicable. “Exactly.”

++++++

The baton slashes through the air in a sharp downward swipe just in time for the high-pitched siren call of the violins.

I stop suddenly to look at the section of violinists to my right. “We may need to make adjustments to that. Great job—it’s a little harsher than I wanted. I’ll make the necessary changes.”

There’s a round of applause and I turn to see Beetee…and Peeta coming into the practice room.

“Sounds good,” Beetee tells me. “But, you’re right about the pitch.” He looks to Peeta. “What do you think?”

“I think that it sounds like Katniss knows exactly what she wants.” Peeta gives me a smile. “I was in the neighborhood and ran into Beetee.”

“And, here I was thinking that you came to visit,” I tease.

Reaching into his coat pocket, he pulls out a paper-folded flower.

“For you. I was babysitting Rue, Alma and Heavensbee’s daughter, and we were working on her origami.”

I take his gift and as I do, our fingers just barely brush.

There it is—that spark. Still there under the petals of the people we have blossomed into.

“Thank you.” Taking his hand, I pull him over to the podium. I have him look over the music sheets, his dandelions still along the borders. “Remember these?”

Peeta stands behind me, his warm breath against my ear. “How could I forget?”

“Aren’t you Peeta Mellark?”

Looking up, I realize that the orchestra is watching us—amused at our strange, stilted behavior towards one another. Beetee has disappeared conveniently. Now, Peeta and I stand together letting my group watch our little drama play out.

“Yes,” Peeta responds to Rye, one of the cellists.

“Cool,” the junior says. “When I first got to Manhattan, my roommate took me to one of your performances. You’re really good, dude. Why didn’t you come to Juilliard?”

“School wasn’t really my thing,” Peeta explains to him. “I did attend Yale but I never did pursue any further education.”

“You should do a song with us,” Rye tells him excitedly. “We have a guitar.” The dark-haired boy nods his head over at the corner of the room.

The group applauds in agreement and Peeta turns to me, that familiar smile making my heart race.

“You game?” he asks and I nod, too tongue-tied to talk.

Peeta goes to retrieve the guitar and I look down at the sheets in front of me, hiding my scarlet cheeks. He has only been around for a few days and his presence somehow causes me to come undone.

Rye grabs a seat for Peeta, placing it close to my podium.

Once he’s tuned the guitar, Peeta looks to me as he sits down. “What should I play?”

I smile and his breath hitches. “Anything that you’re feeling. It’s what you always taught me to do.”

He nods and then looks to the orchestra. “How good are you at improvisation?”

“They are the best of the best,” I tell him and the group sits up proudly. “They will follow where you lead.”

I swing out my hands, my baton on my right and immediately the orchestra move into ready position.

Peeta begins to play and the familiar song makes my heart swell immediately with melancholy as he croons out the first verse:

_“Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away._   
_Now it looks as though they're here to stay…”_

He looks over at me and I feel lost in that ocean-blue stare. Despite this, my baton easily moves through the air as the violinists join the song.

_“Suddenly I'm not half the man I used to be._   
_There's a shadow hanging over me…”_

Don’t cry.

I repeat this mantra over and over as the orchestra plays along with The Beatles’ song and Peeta’s beautiful voice.

_“Yesterday love was such an easy game to play._   
_Now I need a place to hide away._   
_Oh, I believe in yesterday…”_

My left hand signals the cellists and they easily join in as I hold in my breath. The song is almost over though I can feel his stare on me. However, instead of unnerving me, it brings me comfort. I’m suddenly wishing for two years ago when we could easily fall into one another’s arms and press kisses against one another’s eager lips until we couldn’t breathe.

I wish for yesterday.

Then, the song is over and I ease my baton down and give the orchestra the ending gesture.

Looking over, I find Peeta’s stare, his own face as flushed as mine, and his eyes on the verge of breaking into the tears I similarly feel.

“Did you want to have dinner?” he suddenly asks in a choked voice.

I blink back the wetness behind my eyelids and give him a tight smile. “Okay.”

++++++

“So, Cato brought a girl home to Panem and you ended up falling for her, too?” Peeta looks across the table. “You all look very close.”

“You can’t really help it with Clove,” I reply as I rip a piece of bread and then hand him the other half. “She really changed him. You know that he actually works from home to take care of Jack? Clove runs her own realty business in their hometown.” I snort. “You remember how he was back then. Work, work, work…”

“There’s always the one person who kind of rocks your world,” Peeta replies, his hand holding a piece of bread over the candle between us. He blows on the piece before dipping it into the oil and vinegar mixture before offering it to me.

My lips impulsively wrap around his fingers to take the piece from him and at the motion, I see his eyes darken in hunger. My lower half responds immediately and I gently pull away as the pads of his thumb caress my lower lip.

“This seems too easy,” I say bluntly. “To fall together, to just fuck whatever feelings we have out.”

He laughs roughly. “You really have changed. You would have never said that before.”

“Knowing that—do you think that you love the same person?” I find myself questioning. “You’re different, too. A little more serious and grounded.”

“Do you think you could want me—as the man I am now?” he asks softly.

“I think that I’d like to find out,” I tell him and my hand reaches for his.

His thumb caresses the top of my hand and Peeta meets my eyes. “I think I’d like to find out, too.” He takes a deep breath before giving me a warm smile. “Katniss, will you be my date for Haymitch and Johanna’s wedding?”

Lifting the top of his hand to my lips, I kiss his knuckles gently, murmuring my acceptance into his heated skin.

++++++

**_One Week Later…_ **

_Upstate New York_

“Katniss!”

The frantic call comes from everyone’s favorite bride.

Putting down my coffee cup, I stand up from the dining room table and make sure that my robe is tied before crossing the hotel suite to head over to Johanna’s side. I still have fifteen minutes before I have to get my hair and makeup done, but Maid of Honor duties trump any of that at the moment.

“What’s going on, Jo?” I ask as I step into her room.

Turning, she looks to me worriedly. “Do I look like a total fucking idiot?”

Johanna is wearing a rose-colored lace dress; the bateau neckline shows off her broad shoulders and the cap sleeves display her toned arms. The trumpet skirt flows out at her knees to drag out into an elegant train. The best feature of the dress is the scalloped back revealing her unblemished skin and graceful spinal column. Her dark hair is swept into a low mussed bun and clipped with a ruby hair clip while her eyes are lined with black kohl accentuating her deep brown eyes.

“You are beautiful,” I breathe out after taking her in. “And, it’s not just the gorgeous dress—it’s you. You’re glowing.”

Johanna chuckles. “Maybe I should marry you. I could get used to the compliments.”

“It’s legal,” I tell her before giving her a hug. “But, really—you’re lovely. I also totally love that you didn’t go for virgin white.”

“Honey, at this point, I should be wearing a scarlet ‘J’ on my chest,” she responds.

There’s a knock on the door and I go to it immediately before turning to Johanna. “Sit down and relax. You’re getting married in two hours.”

“Is there still French toast out there?” the bride-to-be asks and I nod. “Thank God…I’m starving!”

She disappears into the living room and I take a nervous breath before opening the door.

In front of me stands Peeta in a grey three-piece suit, he gives me a grin as I widen the doorway.

“You look pretty,” he tells me and I look down at the partially opened robe.

“You might want to tell me that when my robe isn’t gaping open,” I respond with a grin. “Though it’s not anything that you haven’t already seen.”

“Well, I haven’t seen those garters,” Peeta says and I hold a stocking leg out for him in jest. He meets my eyes and smirks. “Forget the dress, just wear those.”

“I’m not supposed to upstage the bride, dummy!” I smack his arm. “But, really. What’s going on?”

“Haymitch wanted me to tell you that her present is here,” he informs me, his blue eyes now serious.

“She’s in the living room of the suite,” I say. “Whenever they’re ready.”

Peeta nods and gives my hand a squeeze. “You really are beautiful. I’ve always thought so.”

I snort. “Say that to me when I’m not half-naked.”

Leaning forward, I feel his lips against my ear. “I plan to.”

++++++

As I zip up my dress, there is a knock on the front door of the bridal suite and I rush out into the living room where Johanna is still eating.

“Get up!” I say as I go to her and take out the cloth napkin that she’s using as a bib.

“What—” She stands up as I make sure that her hair is still in place and her make-up is okay. “Are you on crack? It’s probably just the photographer!”

“I know,” I tell her. “Now go and freshen up so we can take some fake candids!” Johanna laughs before going to her room as I walk to the door.

Opening it slightly, I peek out to find Haymitch along with one other person—Johanna’s mother.

It’s weird—Johanna is a carbon-copy of her though there are some lines around the elder Mason’s kindly eyes.

Besides visiting Cato, Clove, and Jack, I had also made one more stop before we left for Manhattan. About thirty minutes from the wedding and reception site is Johanna’s childhood home. It wasn’t a surprise that she wanted to get married in a familiar area.

I knew that Mrs. Mason probably wouldn’t hear me out, so I simply introduced myself as her daughter’s Maid of Honor before giving her the wedding invitation.

Surprisingly, she invited me in.

Turned out that Mrs. Mason was a woman who missed her daughter. She had lost her husband when Johanna was two and losing her daughter had ripped her apart. However, the scandal had just been so bad and she had been caught in upheaval.

The one time that Johanna did call was the one time that Maysilee’s mother had been at the house.

While I sat down in Johanna’s childhood home and made my plea, I called in for extra reinforcement—Haymitch. It only took a persuasive phone call from her daughter’s fiancé for Cassandra Mason to accept the invitation to her daughter’s wedding.

“Welcome,” I greet her with a small smile.

Mrs. Mason, in a simple cream dress, gives me an anxious grin. “Where is she?”

“She thinks that you’re the photographer,” I say and let her walk into the suite. Looking over at Haymitch, I step out into the hallway. “I think I’m going to let you have a few minutes with the bride.”

Closing the door behind Cassandra, I look to the groom. “You cut a nice figure, Haymitch.”

Haymitch looks down at his perfectly-tailored black suit before smirking at me. “I appreciate it.” He puts an arm around me as we walk over to the elevators. “Thanks for talking to Cassie.”

“Shouldn’t you call her Mom or something?” I joke as we head into the open elevator door.

“Yeah, probably,” Haymitch says. “But, I was never one for convention.” He looks to me. “And, how about you? It’s been two years, Katniss. Cato has moved on already. Isn’t it about time that you got out there?”

The door opens and I see Peeta waiting in the lobby of the hotel along with the rest of the wedding party.

The warmth of his smile surrounds me and I forget that once upon a time, we were nothing but roommates. How have I survived all this time without being able to share every emotion, every triumph and every moment without this man?

I want to find out what’s left of our love.

Looking to Haymitch, I smile. “I don’t need to be out there,” I say before meeting Peeta’s eyes once more. “I only need him.”

++++++

“I really do like your dress,” Peeta tells me as we sit at our table in the restored barn where Johanna and Haymitch’s wedding reception is being held.

I look down at the taupe wrap dress before smiling at him. “Thanks. It was a really big deal for Johanna as one shade lighter made me look sickly. This one gives me a much warmer look, which apparently I need because of my cold, cold heart.”

He lifts my hand to his lips, kissing each fingertip and I can feel my face growing warm.

“PEETA!” We look to see Rue rushing towards us and I grin as the little girl in her soft yellow dress clambers onto his lap. She gives him a firm stare. “We need introductions.”

He gives me a wink before looking to her. “Oh, do we?” Looking to me, Peeta presents the little girl. “Katniss, this is Rue Heavensbee. Rue, this is Katniss Everdeen.”

I hold out my hand to her and Rue shakes it. “It’s nice to meet you, Rue. Peeta has told me all about you.”

She gives me a shy smile. “It’s nice to meet you, too. Whenever we saw something pretty in Africa, he would say that it wasn’t as pretty as you.”

Looking to Peeta’s suddenly reddened face, I mouth ‘Thank you’ before looking to Rue. “I’m sure there were much prettier things. Why don’t you tell me about some of your favorite places?”

Rue quickly joins me, sitting on my knee, and regaling me with tales of her birthplace. Instantly, I find myself enjoying her intelligence and sweet nature.

All the while, Peeta watches us and I can’t help but wonder what he is thinking about. I can tell that Rue is important to him—like a little sister.

“I think it’s about time that I set up for the first dance,” Peeta informs us. He gives Rue a kiss on the top of her head and then gives me a kiss on my cheek. “You owe me a dance later.”

“Deal,” I reply as my hand reaches to push his hair back. His eyes close for a moment before he recovers and heads to the stage.

My eyes follow him and I spot Prim on the dance floor along with Thresh. She blows a kiss at me and waves. I was surprised by the faithfulness that Thresh held for my sister. While he was traveling, Thresh had actually gone to Panem and met my father along with Gale and Cato’s families.

There has been hearty approval from all parties.

My sister has been sort of a lone wolf but if there was anyone that I’d want her to choose, it would be Thresh. He’s a good man.

Just like Peeta.

“Katniss?” I look to Rue. “Do you like dandelions?”

“Why yes. Peeta used to draw them on my music sheets,” I explain. “Do you like them?”

Rue nods exuberantly. “Peeta painted a big dandelion picture for my new room!”

“He brought his art kit?” I ask in surprise.

“Yes, Peeta was always drawing something,” she tells me. “I think he was lonely a lot and drawing helped him feel not so alone.”

After all this time, he still kept it.

And, something inside me blooms.

“Hi everyone.” Peeta’s voice echoes into the mic. Rue spots Heavensbee and Alma and she gives me a quick goodbye before running off to join her parents. I’m left alone at the table watching Peeta onstage and a feeling of déjà vu hits me. It’s as if we’re back at the bar and I’m in the middle of my shift while he plays a set on that small stage. “Where are the bride and groom?”

I look around spotting Johanna and Haymitch with Cassandra, each with a drink in their hand.

“After you finish those off you should probably head out onto the floor so you can have your first dance as man and wife,” Peeta suggests with a grin and everyone lets out riotous cheers at the words ‘man and wife’. “About damn time, right?”

Johanna, Haymitch, and Cassandra quickly gulp down their glasses before Johanna’s mother pushes the couple forward. Heavensbee and Alma walk over to Mrs. Mason to keep her company as the couple heads onto the dance floor.

“So, I know that this isn’t as great as having Katniss compose your very own bridal march in lieu of having a Maid of Honor speech.” Peeta looks over at me and winks. “But, you’ve got to have some tradition as unconventional as you two are.”

He places his fingers along the strings of his acoustic guitar as he speaks to the bride and groom.

“This song isn’t exactly a ballad, but it definitely made me think of the both of you. Despite your cynical outlooks and, as much as you deny it, you’ve made one another hope for better things and made each other believe that things would be okay. So congratulations, Haymitch. Besides having a kick-ass bar, you now have a beautiful wife in Johanna. Not so sure if you deserve it all…”

“HEY!” Haymitch bellows, a beaming grin on his face. “Get on with it, boy!”

“Alright, alright…” Peeta shakes his head at the man. “Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Abernathy. Enjoy your dance.”

He looks over at the band and the keyboardist begins the upbeat tune. Soon, Peeta joins on guitar as his lips go to the mic.

_“The new day dawns,_   
_And I am practicing my purpose once again._   
_It is fresh and it is fruitful if I win but if I lose,_   
_Oooooo I don't know…”_

Haymitch holds out his hand to Johanna and she takes it as his arm wraps around her waist to pull her flush against him. Even from my seat, I can see Johanna’s blush. She’s not used to being the center of attention and for so long, they’ve kept their relationship behind closed doors because of how they came together.

If all of this could happen to them, could Peeta and I have a standing chance?

As if he can read my thoughts, Peeta looks to me as he continues to sing.

_“All the children walking home past the factories_   
_Could see the light that's shining in my window as I write this song to you._   
_All the cars running fast along the interstate_   
_Can feel the love that radiates_   
_Illuminating what I know is true…”_

I feel frozen in time; those long-ago feelings welling up inside me as I listen to him sing.

It’s like falling in love all over again. I can only hope that this time it will be different.

_“All will be well_   
_Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself_   
_All will be well_   
_You can ask me how but only time will tell…”_

++++++

I give Johanna a hug. “You were a beautiful bride—and now you will be an even more beautiful-but-scary wife.”

“Thanks for bringing my Mom back,” Johanna says as we pull away, her eyes filling. “It really meant a lot.”

I look over to where Cassandra and Haymitch are talking in front of the hotel as they wait for her taxi. After the reception wrapped up, we all made our way back together in a limousine courtesy of the Heavensbee Family.

We are all exhausted but exhilarated from the wedding. It seems like we’ve been planning it for ages.

“We just want you to be happy, _Mrs_. Abernathy,” I tell her.

“Speaking of happy…” Johanna nods her head behind me and I turn to find Peeta waiting in the lobby with Prim and Thresh. “Looks like someone is waiting for you. Actually, he’s been waiting for you—for like two years. There must be a statute of limitation on blue balls.”

I blush at her words. “Johanna!” My eyes moved down to my sparkly heels. “I mean—do you think I should?”

“I can’t tell you what to do,” my friend tells me. “I believe that you’ve grown up enough to know what you want and _who_ you want.” Johanna leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Plus, someone needs to clear up those pipes of yours.”

I chuckle at her words. “Have a great wedding night.”

Turning, I walk over to Peeta and take his hand.

“What were you talking about?” he asks curiously.

“Pipe cleaning.”

He leans forward. “What?”

I shake my head. “Nothing.”

“We’re going to head over to Cato and Clove’s town,” Prim says as she and Thresh join us. “Clove told me that they have this great new bar with flaming drinks. Wanna come?”

I look over at Peeta, whose blue eyes remain fastened on me and my gown before turning back to my sister.

“I think we’re going to stay here,” I tell the two.

Prim winks before kissing my cheek and Thresh smirks at us before the two walk out the lobby door.

My heart is suddenly pounding in my ears again as my eyes meet Peeta’s.

“I should walk you to your door,” he suddenly declares.

I nod and squeezing my hand, Peeta walks us to the elevators. Part of me is mildly disappointed. I mean, does he not want to stay over with me? Did I do something wrong?

This is the worst. I don’t know how to date. It had all been so simple with Cato as we had just gone from one thing to another. Dating is completely different—one false move and it can mess up your whole night.

The elevator doors open as I continue to analyze every single thing that Peeta and I have done this evening. Where had it gone wrong? Wrong enough for him to be sending me to my room… _alone_.

“Katniss.”

I look up to Peeta’s worried gaze. “Yeah?”

“We’re here,” he tells me and I look over to see that we’re in front of my room.

“Oh…” I look down again at my shoes. Shit—I need to just come out and ask him instead of acting like a big baby. “Did I do something wrong?”

He looks at me in confusion. “Wrong?”

“You don’t want to come in,” I reply simply. “You always came in.”

Peeta chuckles quietly. “That can be taken in so many different ways.” My lips fall at his words and quickly he is lifting my chin. “I just wanted to be a gentleman. This is different for us. We’re both single and trying to figure out what we are.”

“I’ve missed you,” I tell him. “Not just the sex—but the other things.”

We turn silent and my eyes are back to staring at my shoes for what seems like an eternity.

“Are you going to let me in?” Peeta finally asks and I look up to see him smiling softly at me.

“Always,” I respond before sliding the card key through the slot.

++++++

The soft morning light in my eyes rouses me gently and I open them slowly as my dress crinkles at my stilted movements.

There’s a small sigh behind me and I turn to see that I’ve been playing little spoon to Peeta’s big one since last night. There was no sex and no kissing—just conversation about everything and nothing. He told me more about the tour, Africa, and how Rowe had married and got pregnant all while Peeta had been away. I talk about leaving the bar, becoming a teacher’s aide for Beetee, and the stress of completing my opus.

I also invited him to my commencement ceremony.

Sitting up, I push back the messy tendrils over his forehead before leaning my lips to his ear. “Peeta.”

His eyes open slowly revealing those beautiful, sunlit blues and his lips rise into a sleepy smile. “Hello.”

“Good morning,” I greet him, my voice still throaty from just waking up and seeing him beside me.

His hand goes to my face, his fingers moving slowly against my cheekbone and down towards my jaw. My eyes close and I exhale slowly as his hand continues its slow caress of my face. His thumb brushes against my lips and I press a kiss to the rough pad.

I hear his breath hitch at the motion.

“I remember that,” he whispers and my eyes open to see him gazing at me, his blue eyes darkening with hunger.

Peeta’s hand moves down to my collarbone and I hiss in anticipation. “What else do you remember?”

His eyes roam over me and I know that even with my mussed hair and crinkled dress that he still wants me as much as I want him.

“I remember that you owe me a dance.” Sitting up, Peeta gets out of the bed and goes to my side. “Come on, Princess.”

“You’re joking, right?” He shakes his head, tugging at my hand to make me get up. “And, remember I’m no princess. I am a Queen.”

“Come dance with me, Queen Katniss,” Peeta urges and his arm moves to my waist to pull me close.

“There’s no music,” I say as we begin to sway.

He doesn’t respond, only bringing my body closer to his as we dance in the sun-yellow room. As we continue, I begin to notice the sway of our dance matches the slow, longing breaths we take. His heart is pressed against mine and I can feel the rapidity of his heartbeats—or is it mine?

It no longer matters that there is no music. We have made our own.

“I always thought we moved together well,” Peeta whispers in my ear, his tone laced with thick, aching longing. He moves in closer and I can feel him, hard and thick, between our fronts.

Pulling away, I undo the sash that holds my dress together and pull the front opening apart to reveal the nude bra and matching panties as well as the garter that he had admired beneath my robe yesterday.

Peeta approaches intently, undoing his tie and pulling apart his collar as he reaches me once more. The dress now lays in a messy heap on the carpet and I sit on the bed, my legs moving apart so he can stand in front of me.

Slowly, I undo the buttons of his shirt and my eyes go to the tanned skin beneath. His hands reach to undo my bra easily and my shoulders relax to let it fall to the ground.

Peeta looks at me reverently. “I dreamt of you—every night in Africa,” he says to me. “My memory is still as sharp as ever.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to the juncture of my neck. I let out a whining moan. “The same spot, huh?”

Moving down, his mouth reaches out to a hard nipple and I arch into the sensation. My body is pained with hunger and a need to be touched by him and _only_ him.

“Come on, Katniss. Show me how much you’ve missed me.”

Those words, low and teasing, have me instantly wet. I‘ve been half-damp since last night, actually.

My hand takes his and I lead him under the thin band of my lace panties. I move his trembling hand through the thatch of coarse hair and guide his finger inside me so he can feel just how much I’ve missed him.

Peeta groans, his blue eyes rolling back feeling my sopping cunt encasing his finger.

“I missed you, Peeta,” I tell him as I ride his finger. “Every last bit of me missed you.” I bend back in pleasure as he thrusts his finger up to press against the spongy tissue deep inside.

My other hand reaches to quickly undo his pants—a method that I had perfected in our past relationship—and wrap my hand around him. The first stroke nearly has him coming undone and his knees buckle slightly but he catches himself.

“Did you think about this when you were away?” I ask. Continuing to move my hand along his rigid cock, I speak into his ear. “Did you touch yourself pretending it was me?”

“Y-Yes,” he says in a trembling voice.

Peeta adds another finger as he continues to plunge into my wet sheath. The feeling is unbelievable; his rough fingers inside me and caressing every nerve in my pussy until I’m no longer coherent.A cry escapes my mouth when his thumb moves across my clit.

“And you, my love?” Peeta asks. “Did you touch yourself while I was gone? Did you come screaming my name?”

I nod, my throat dry as I feel the beginning of my climax approaching.

“I imagined you while I was stroking myself you know,” he tells me. “I’d think about burying my dick inside you, making you come until you couldn’t stand, and hearing my name screamed out from those beautiful lips—”

I snap, my body releasing from the tightest orgasm I’ve ever experienced. “PEETA!”

“KATNISS!” I feel my hand suddenly warm and wet. “FUCK!”

God, Peeta Mellark is beautiful—especially when he’s coming.

I lay back breathlessly and after a moment, he joins me.

Our eyes meet, both somewhat guilty, unsure of where we go from here.

“Did we just utterly fuck up?” Peeta asks as our eyes meet.

I look up at the ceiling, still trying to catch my breath.

“I don’t know.”

++++++

_Washington D.C._

“You dirty, little Maid of Dishonor,” Prim teases. We sit in the empty living room of her new apartment with boxes of Chinese food littered around us. “You got finger-fucked by the wedding singer.”

“It wasn’t supposed to happen!” I reach for the box with egg rolls then, looking at a long, thick piece decide to put it back. “We fell asleep and woke up. Then we danced—and then we weren’t dancing…” Burying my face in my hands, I let out a groan. “Prim, please advise me on how to not be such a penis-hungry whore!”

“Language please! This is a grown-up apartment.” Prim puts down her carton of chow-fun before pulling me into her arms. “You’re not the first woman to get felt-up in her bridesmaid gown and you probably won’t be the last. It’s not a big deal. So, you like Peeta’s dick? At least you don’t like just about anyone’s dick—then you’d be a real cock-monger.”

Pulling away, my little sister gives me a sympathetic smile as I pout. “He hasn’t called in a week.”

“Maybe because Peeta is afraid that you’re ashamed about what happened,” Prim suggests. “I mean you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. You know what I think? That every time that either one of you gets nervous or afraid of the other, you go for the easiest thing—sex.”

“We’ve been trying very hard to start fresh,” I explain. “I just…I just don’t want to end up in the same situation that I was in before.”

“Katniss, you two are different people now.” My sister squeezes my shoulder. “Your issue is that you’re too focused on starting fresh when your pasts weren’t rotten to begin with. Yes, you two had an affair behind your then-boyfriend’s back. Everyone knows that. But, it wasn’t just the sex. You two really fell in love with each other. That’s rare. Katniss, you turned a boy into a man. Thresh tells me how much Peeta has changed for the better since being with you. Why would you want to forget something as miraculous as that?”

“I don’t,” I say quietly. “But not everyone will forget how we started.”

I think about how we would explain our first meeting to strangers or colleagues. If we ever got married, what would the reception speeches be like? And, worse—what would we tell our children?

“I can hear the wheels in your head whirring.” Prim raises a thin brow at me in concern. “Don’t forget—you, too have changed for the better.”

“Oh yes—Katniss Everdeen, born-again virgin and heartless bitch,” I retort. “I know how much I hurt them both.”

“I highly doubt either Peeta or Cato think that,” Prim says in exasperation. “In fact, you have all been doing so fabulously well. Peeta traveled to another continent and toured with a Grammy award-winning band. Cato married a beautiful, tiny woman and had the most adorable baby.”

She looks at me imploringly.

“And you are presenting your piece at your commencement ceremony from Juilliard. Don’t you know how prestigious that is? There aren’t many female maestros and for you to be the one who is leading the only performance? Holy shit, Katniss! You’re representing the ladies and young girls need someone like you to be the example.”

I tap at Prim’s chin affectionately. “Girls need people like you. Someone has to fight for women’s rights in the Capitol.”

She nods resolutely though it slowly melts into a grin. “Kicking ass and making bank.”

Standing up, I walk over to the window where in front of me stands the Capitol Building lit in the evening sky. I hear my sister shuffle and after a moment I feel her head on my shoulder.

“I’m falling in love with him, Prim.” My eyes still on the view in front of me. “And, it scares me.”

“Yeah—love can do that to you,” she responds.

Turning to her, I give her a smile. “Thresh?”

She put her hands on her hips. “Peeta?”

We stare at one another for a moment.

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” Prim declares after a moment and holds out her hand.

I take her hand and shake it. “Deal.”

++++++

Everything is going to fine.

You’ve done this before.

“Ten minutes, Katniss,” Seeder, the director of the commencement program calls out as he passes me.

I nod and give him a quick smile. However as soon as he leaves, I turn away and take a deep breath. “Fuck!”

“What’s wrong?”

Turning around, I find Peeta standing before me in a navy suit and a small gathered bunch of yellow dandelions in his hand. Pulling the skirt of my red gown slightly off the ground, I walk over to him, my face warming up as I get closer.

“Miss Everdeen.” He grins and bows as he holds out the bouquet to me.

“Peeta!” I let out a laugh as I take the bunch from him. “I need you to act completely normal or else I’ll freak out. I’m nervous enough!”

Peeta moves closer and suddenly I can feel his warm, sweet breath against my lips.

“Would it be completely normal to kiss you?” he asks me.

I lick my lips in anticipation as my eyes begin to flutter closed. “I’ll allow it.”

“KATNISS!”

My eyes snap open to see Prim and my Dad walking towards us excitedly.

I give Peeta a smile. “I hope you don’t scare easily. My dad is here—DAD!”

“Sweetheart!” Dad gathers me into a tight embrace. “You look beautiful!” He pulls away so he can take a good look at me in this very uncomfortable dress that Prim bought for me. “You look just like your Mama.”

“I wish,” I tell him with a wistful smile. “Prim is more of Mom’s twin while I’ve received your dark, brooding looks.”

His eyes go to where Prim stands with an awkwardly-shuffling Peeta. “He’s a little nervous, isn’t he?”

“Yes,” I say quietly. “Be nice.”

Dad turns to me, looking into my eyes for a moment, before nodding. “Prim had that talk with me, too. Don’t worry so much. I won’t bite—I’ll leave that for Cato and Gale’s parents.”

“Dad,” I start before walking over and taking Peeta’s hand. “This is Peeta Mellark.”

“Peeta.” Dad gives him a welcoming smile and holds out his hand. “Ted Everdeen.”

Peeta smiles brightly and gives my Dad a hearty handshake. “Nice to meet you, sir.”

“You’ll be sitting with us,” Dad informs him. My father doesn’t ask, he demands. “I want to hear all about your tour in Africa with The Thirteen. Thresh told me about it while he was in Panem.”

“I wanted to ask you about Thresh’s visit to Panem,” Peeta replies in an amused tone.

“Looks like they’re getting along,” Prim says as she moves next to me. “By the end of your performance, Peeta will be coming to Panem for Christmas.” She takes my hand. “You look beautiful and it’s going to go great. I know Mom is so proud of you.”

I give her a hug.

“SHOWTIME EVERYONE!” Seeder suddenly bellows from beyond the recesses of the backstage area.

Dad and Prim give their final hugs before leaving me alone with Peeta. But not before my Dad shouts to Peeta that they’ll be saving him a seat.

I laugh as I take in his overwhelmed expression. “I think he likes you.”

“That’s good, right?” Peeta asks and I nod. Taking my hands, he presses his lips to the tops of them. “Break a leg, Katniss. I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you,” I reply. “Did you get a chance to take a look at the program?”

Peeta shakes his head. “I was too busy trying to sneak backstage to see you.”  Handing him a program discarded close by, I wait as he looks for my performance piece’s title. After a moment, Peeta chuckles. “Of course, it would be.”

“Thought you would like it,” I tell him. “You should go. I have to step out there soon. I’ll talk to you after the ceremony.”

Peeta takes the program with him before turning to leave.

I take a deep breath and get ready to make my stage entrance.

“Katniss?” I turn to see Peeta by the exit, his expression unreadable in the dimness of the small area. “Why did you name your piece, ‘ _Helenium_ ’?”

Deep-rooted memories invade me and my voice trembles as I reply:

“Because, I like to think that day in the meadow was the first day of us.”

++++++

There is no introduction when Seeder opens the door to the stage for me. But, as I step out I am greeted with overwhelming applause from the audience as well as the orchestra. I pray that the heels I’m wearing will hold me steady as I reach my podium and turn to take a bow.

My eyes quickly fleet around the audience and I spot my Dad along with Prim and Peeta in the center front of the massive auditorium before I turn back to the orchestra.

Taking a breath, I gather my courage and pick up the baton.

Two years have come to this—two years of hard work, multiple drafts, and lonely tears.

Those two years have brought me such sadness and such happiness.

In the end, that time has brought me…me.

I move my hands to ready position and the players in front of me bring their instruments to playing stance at my instruction.

I start at my left where the violins come in, slow and steady, quiet and calm as they tell the tale of my first days in Manhattan. Along with them are the high-pitched pings of the triangles mimicking the whistling of the streets from people signaling taxis or the over-zealous men outside of the apartment building that Cato, Peeta, and I used to live at.

Then my hand rises and the oboe section begins depicting a sad, dragging melody of the first times that Cato left for an assignment with the aching abandonment and fear that I felt being left alone in a large city. I had been so afraid then, desperate to not lose anyone else in my life. I needed steadiness and Cato had been that focal point for it all.

I wave the baton on my left as my right hand falls and the oboes fade to the back.

The guitar—plucky, charming, and full of thrumming tones—enchants the audience.

Just like Peeta did that first time that he ever played for me—only me—in that meadow.

Because if Peeta doesn’t understand this then he’ll never understand who I am now.

I created ‘ _Helenium_ ’ for him.

Because if in the end, there is no us—our love will always be immortalized in this piece.

As long as it is played and heard, _we_ will never end.

I lose myself in the music as it continues on its journey of our relationship. The cello with its low, deep tones laces the audience with the smooth, sensuous sensations of a lover’s touch. My eyes close for a moment remembering Peeta’s hand gliding against my skin, bringing each bit of me back to life.

The flutes add in that bit of whimsical magic of laughter and happiness as the memories of simply being together rise from the notes. Every conversation, every joke, every sweet moment is all here being shared with everyone.

Then the piano, dark and sad, interrupts it all and reminds the audience that the sweet music can’t last forever.

My hands move in time to shape up the tempo and create the frantic feelings that Peeta and I felt together those last few days when Cato returned—the tension building into the composition as we experienced it in real life.

I slice my hands through the air sharply bringing the music to a sudden, abrupt stop.

Then, through the silence comes the violins once more in harmonious, yet tenuous song.

They swell softly, not quite ready to reveal the notes that they create.

Because as they strengthen and grow, the melody speaks of love and of hope.

They tell us that it can all be good again—that _we_ can be good again.

And, he is the only one who can show me this.

All Peeta has to do is listen.

I don’t even realize that the song is over until my eyes open and the entire orchestra is standing before me, clapping riotously. Many of the violinists are in tears and I mouth a ‘Thank you’ to all of them.

Then, I turn to the audience and everyone is on their feet. My father’s olive face is stained with tears and Prim is weeping into his chest, overwhelmed by it all.

Finally, I look to Peeta and he is grinning from ear to ear. I can see that his eyes are rimmed with red.

I know he is proud, but behind the smile is an expression on his face that I can seem to place.

Now, I’m worried.

++++++

“Great job, Katniss,” Beetee says to me as we sit backstage. “How do you feel?”

“Overwhelmed,” I reply as I look at the business cards next to me. “San Francisco, Italy, London…they all want to meet me.”

“You deserve it,” my teacher and mentor tells me. “What you did out there…Katniss, you don’t even realize the effect you have on people—on your audience. What you created kept a whole auditorium in the palm in your hand. That’s a rare feat. You owe that to no one but yourself.”

There’s a soft cough and I look to see Peeta approaching us with a gift bag in his hand. I give him a smile and he gives me a tight nod.

Beetee raises his brows at me as he stands. “I’ll call you later, Katniss. Congratulations.” He walks over and pats Peeta’s shoulder before leaving through the backstage exit.

“Hey,” I call out.

Peeta sits in the seat that Beetee occupied.

“Hey.” He looks over at the business cards. “Those are some big decisions to make.”

I breathe out and grin at him. “I know.” My eyes try to find his but Peeta can’t seem to meet my gaze. “What’s wrong?”

“You were magnificent,” Peeta tells me simply.

I frown at his words. “That’s bad?”

He shakes his head. “It’s wonderful. But, in the end, I don’t know where you want to go from here.” Taking my hands in his, Peeta finally meets my eyes. “That song just made me realize one important thing that we haven’t been taking into account as we deal with this relationship.”

Swallowing, I manage to respond, “What?”

“Love,” Peeta tells me. “I love you, Katniss. I’ve always loved you. Since the moment I caught you falling out of that elevator, I’ve loved you. I know that you don’t believe that we can love each other because we’ve changed but I think that you’ve forgotten that, deep at the core of it all—behind the bullshit—there is still hope. Hope that, despite change and circumstance, our love is still there. We just have to work on it.”

“Peeta…I don’t know what to say,” I tell him truthfully. “I’m scared…I don’t know what I would do if we fell apart. It almost seems easier to keep you at arm’s length. I can hurt you. I’ve already hurt enough people, including myself.”

“If you’re scared then I’ll hold your hand,” he responds. “That’s what people in relationships do—take care of each other. Yes, there has been hurt and maybe there will still be pain along the way, but that is life.  Nothing worth having comes easily, Katniss.” Peeta reaches into the bag and pulls out a simple yet weathered book. “This is for you—a present.”

“What kind?” I ask out of nowhere.

Peeta stands and gives me a solemn smile. “That is up to you.”

Before I can continue my tirade of questions, he walks out the door to give me space to make my decision.

The light from the outside is bringing tears to my eyes. Or maybe they are actual tears.

Opening the book, I look at the first sketch—it is the meadow in Connecticut that Peeta took me to when we were just friends. The next page is full of small sketches of the bar, of Haymitch and Johanna smiling at one another, Annie, Finnick, and Thresh with shot glasses in their hands, and Madge balancing trays. The following section has drawings of the band performing—small notes of music changes along the edges of the pages. Then, I examine the beautiful sites of Africa—the pyramids, the waterfalls, Mount Kilimanjaro—and even the orphanage that I think Rue lived in.

I see his whole life without me.

It is a beautiful story.

Then, there’s another page, a sketch of me. Was I ever that young? That happy? That radiant?

Then it comes to me—I looked all those ways was because I was looking at _him_.

I don’t even think as I rush outside and into the empty alley.

Long ago, Cato demanded that I choose.

I choose Peeta—always.

Running out of the alleyway, I look to each side before spotting him at the end of the street to my left.

“PEETA!” He turns and I hoist my skirt up as I rush over to him. Only when I’m a step away do I slow down. I can see the remnants of hurt in his eyes as he gives me a pained smile that I’m desperate to make go away. “Peeta…”

“Katniss.” My name comes out in a choked plea.

He is asking me not to hurt him…never to leave him…most of all…love him.

“The rest of the pages are empty,” I tell him as I feel the tears roll down my face. “How does the story end?”

Peeta simply smiles, lifting my chin, before responding, “Like this.”

His lips press to mine in a heavily-filled kiss.

He pulls me close, protecting me from the cold, and I wrap my arms around him in acceptance, this storybook in-between us.

The rest of it is blank because we haven’t ended the story yet.

It is our decision together to decide how we want to fill out the rest of the story, the rest of our lives, the rest of us.

The pages are blank because it isn’t the end of the story.

It is the beginning.

* * *

 

I’m a sap. I hope you’ve been sated…for now.

It’s about midnight and I’m completely gobsmacked so I’ll leave it all for the epilogue.

Just a quick note—Helenium is the flower that Katniss presented Peeta with in Chapter Two when he took her to Connecticut. The flower’s meaning is “Tears”.

Also, the epilogue will take place **_three years later_** —I’ll be taking them back to a familiar place.

Songs:

“Yesterday”-The Beatles

“All Will Be Well”-The Gabe Dixon Band

Till the epilogue, JLaLa


	14. Epilogue: Aria

Finally. We’ve reached the end. Thank you for being here throughout this story’s journey.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

**Aria** _(noun): 1. an air or melody._

_2\. an elaborate melody sung solo with accompaniment usually orchestral._

You Don’t Know Me

**_Epilogue: Aria_ **

_Three Years Later…_

The gentle, spring breeze blows gently against my eyes to rouse me from my nap. I bat away the tickle against my nose, thinking that it’s probably wayward dandelion seeds floating in the wind.

However, the tickle continues and is followed by a small, girlish laugh.

Opening my eyes, I am surrounded in Helenium, bulbous centers and soft petals of yellow.

“Daddy…” The bright call comes from behind the bouquet. “Daddy…”

“Aria.” Katniss is suddenly lying next to me in the meadow, her head going to my shoulder. “Stop torturing Daddy…he’s taking a nap.”

The bouquet is now gone and replaced with sweet bluebell eyes and raven hair. Our almost two-year-old daughter climbs onto me, her tiny feet digging into the tops of my thighs as she finally settles her head onto my chest.

Aria arrived after Katniss and I returned from our year-long stint in London.

After graduating, Katniss accepted an apprenticeship in the London Symphony Orchestra alongside Diana Wiress—or simply Wiress—their lead conductor. They guided one another to become better conductors and also developed a strong friendship. Wiress’ style of conducting was a little more concise whereas Katniss was more intuitive when it came to playing maestro. Together, they created an innovative style that doubled symphony attendance.

During that time, I was busy producing an album for Paylor’s nephew, Cinna, at Abbey Road Studios. The man was an expert guitarist with a deep, melodic voice that was adaptable to many musical genres. Cinna also had a look that could take him into mainstream pop—funky yet chic with a neat fade and charming smile.

However, Cinna wasn’t interested in making it big. He was more interested in making good music. Together, we developed his musical style which was a mix of rock and soul and put out his first album through Heavensbee’s new label, Gamemaker Records.

Career-wise, it was a good year for Katniss and me.

It was also a good year for our relationship. That first year in London, we really took the time to actually date, to become a couple, and fall in love again. It was a lovely time—touring the countryside, kissing in one of the rooms in Windsor Castle, and having our first-year anniversary dinner in The London Eye.

I like to think that Aria was conceived during the Eye’s slow rotation with nothing but London around us and the Thames River below.

It was during one of Katniss’ last performances in London did she suspect that she was pregnant. She was playing an accompaniment piece with the orchestra alongside world-renowned opera singer Effie Trinket when Katniss felt something leap inside her during the singer’s solo piece.

It was during an Aria when Katniss realized that she was having a baby.

We were scared. Actually, batshit terrified.

However those fears quickly subsided seven months later when our daughter came into the world. She had lungs like a singer, Katniss’ beautiful face and hair, and my mother’s eyes.

Needless to say, my Mom never says no to our little girl.

Actually, no one does.

“Peeta?” I turn to look at Katniss. “You seemed faraway. Where did you go?”

“I was just thinking about the first time we came here,” I tell her. “How I played the guitar and we sang together. That first time I knew we were magic and that day I wanted to pretend that you were mine.”

“You don’t have to pretend anymore.” Katniss pushes herself up to give me a soft kiss. “There is no pretending. This is real.”

I look down at Aria who is curled against me. She had already fallen asleep, having spent the day running around the meadow and being swung around by Katniss or myself.

“Yes, I can definitely feel how real this all is,” I tell her as she smooths down Aria’s shoulder-length hair. “All twenty-ish pounds of real.”

“We could have left her with Rowe and Gloss,” Katniss says. “I’m sure Cara would’ve loved to play babysitter to her cousin.”

I shake my head. “They’re out of town visiting Jax and Cashmere with my parents. You know how Mom is—already freaking out over the impending birth of her first grandson.”

After much pushing, Jax had finally decided to meet Cashmere and fell very much in love with the woman who resembled a modern day Grace Kelly. My sister-in-law, however, was not so easily persuaded and it took two years of dating before Cashmere decided that it was time to get married. Their wedding was eight months ago and Cashmere is now a few days overdue with my nephew.

Katniss smirks. “There’s always Cato and Clove...and Jack.”

“No way,” I respond vehemently. “I don’t like the way he keeps saying that he’s going to marry Aria!”

“Jack is four,” Katniss responds with a laugh. “He has no idea what getting married means! I barely know!”

We go quiet for a moment.

The marriage topic is always a delicate one for us.

Because one child and years later, we have yet to tie the knot.

We’ve been so busy with work and Aria that marriage was the last thing on our minds.

Until Thresh married Prim two months ago.

Their wedding was beautiful. My best friend and Prim had a hometown wedding in Panem, marrying in the town square under the gazebo.

Katniss told me that she and Prim would go there to get wasted when they were old enough. The night before the wedding they recreated those days along with Madge, Clove, and Johanna.

Hours later, I along with Haymitch, Gale, Cato and Thresh were carrying the girls back to the Everdeen house.

Katniss didn’t want to show it but I could see the wistfulness in her eyes watching their Dad walk Prim down the aisle in the custom-made dress created by budding designer and friend, Annie Odair. Aria had made a wonderful flower girl alongside Haymitch and Johanna’s son, Easton, who was ring bearer.

I’ve always wanted to marry Katniss.

Ever since the first time that I awoke alongside her in this very meadow fantasizing that she was my girl—and that I had a ring hidden in our picnic basket for her.

However, this time I’m waking up to her and it is no fantasy.

I’ve had the ring with me for almost a year now.

And like my dream, it is tucked away inside our picnic basket, right in front of the bottled waters and Aria’s sippy cup.

“Daddy?” Aria, suddenly awake, looks up at me. “I’m thirsty.”

I look to Katniss, trying to silence my frantically beating heart—this is it.

“Will you grab her sippy cup from the picnic basket?”

Nodding, Katniss turns to the picnic basket on her side.

I wait along with our little girl as she reaches in and stiffens feeling the velvet box under her hand.

Katniss gasps and turns to us, the unopened box in her hands.

I’m already on one knee with Aria holding her bouquet of Helenium that I helped her pick earlier.

“Katniss,” I begin. “There’s something that your daughter and I would like to ask you.”

This is going to be a new chapter in our book.

* * *

 

All she has to do is say yes.

Readers, do not worry—she is going to say yes.

I always expected it to end this way, back in the meadow.

Aria, however, was created about halfway through the story.

I know this is shorter than you are used to seeing from me.

Thus the reason—I’m contemplating a sequel or prequel?

Anyway, it would basically document everything that happened those last three years from London to Aria. What do you think?

I just want to thank all of you for sticking it out. This wasn’t an easy story to get through.

Until the next story, JLala

 


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